


we will find a way to make this last

by Brie (Kura)



Series: Let The World Know [14]
Category: Professional Wrestling, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Bickering, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Mentions of Murder/Arson, Nightmares, Road Trip, Teasing, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-17
Updated: 2014-10-06
Packaged: 2018-02-13 13:51:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 60,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2153091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kura/pseuds/Brie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kane can see his handwriting tell its own tale on those documents, the evolution of it a reflection of his mental deterioration. Disappointment and misplaced hatred made the words sharper, more edgy. Sadness and desperation turned that one plea into a curvy, sloppy mess.</p><p>He must have scrawled that sentence over a thousand times. Even today it is still etched in his memory, haunting him in his sleep. Writing it down over and over helped him to not forget what had happened. It hurt him in all the good and bad ways. Pain had been his anchor for most parts of his life. It kept him human and proved to him he was still alive.</p><p> </p><p>  <i>Where is my brother?</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. don't let your memories break you

**Author's Note:**

> This is just the introductory chapter for the massive amount of chapters that'll be about the road trip from Las Vegas to Austin. And since I always wanted to write a little something about Kane's years in the asylum I thought I could combine this somehow. I wanted to post this before SummerSlam too, because the 'real' first part takes place on next Tuesday around four am. Dean being gone to shoot that movie (YAY) gives me a lot of time to write that road trip. So, for everyone who's able to watch SS tonight, have fun! I'm gonna watch it tomorrow, so no spoilers =D Thanks to all of you who leave a comment or kudo. You guys make my days!

'Do you know where you are?'

'Do you remember who you are?'

'Would you consider talking to us?'

'Can you at least give us a small sign?'

Yes, he knows where he is. At least he thinks he does. A few months ago, he woke up to the typical sterile smell of a hospital, unable to move even his little finger. It had been so intimidating, even more so when he realized he was restrained to his bed by brown straps and that he was completely alone.

Now he is in some locked up unit, forsaken, forgotten and frightened. Only one question remains: _w_ _here is my brother?_

Yes, he remembers who he is. He is now an orphan, his parents died in a fire he and his brother couldn't control. It had just been a stupid bet between siblings. A _joke_. He had won it, so it was his big brother who had to set the curtains on fire because he has always hated that ugly purple anyway. Red is the only color to go.

The flames spread out too fast, trapping his mom and dad in their home. He could hear his parents' panicked screams until they quieted down to a suffocated coughing while he got carried outside by his older brother, the skin on his right arm burning away, his left eye hurting so much that he couldn't even open it.

What happened to them afterwards?

No, he will not consider talking to these people until someone tells him what happened to the last remaining part of his family. He knows they have both made it out of the fire because his sibling's face is the last thing he remembers before passing out as a result of the agonizing pain.

Is his brother here too? Trapped in some terrifying facility where the patients scream day and night and no one ever laughs, where the sun is not allowed to shine through the heavily barred windows. Or is he so badly injured that he is lying in a bed, his comatose mind making up all of this while his body tries to heal cell by cell?

Why won't they let him see his family? He can get up and walk around by himself again. He can leave this place now to live together with his kin. Oh God, do they blame his brother for the fire? Is he in jail? Do they think he can't handle the truth just because he is still a child?

And no, he cannot at least give them a small sign. He is scared and wants to go home. And why does he have to wear this uncomfortable mask all day long? Did the raging fire disfigure him so badly? Will his big brother even recognize him when they finally meet again? Why won't they let him go? It's dark and lonesome in here and he misses his family so, so much. All of them. He can't believe his parents are dead because he hates the color purple.

Wait, is _he_ the one in prison because his relative told the authorities that it was _his_ idea to burn the drapes? No, family doesn't betray each other like that.

Isn't that so?

_Where is my brother?_

Days fade into weeks and then into months without a single soul visiting or telling him what happened to his family after the accident. He is completely alone in a mental asylum ever since the hospital released him. He has also lost his will to smile. Not that anyone would notice, because of the mask.

He has to wear it to not upset the other patients he never sees anyway, because he likes to hide in his room unless it is his weekly date with the outside world. That's what he calls his day parole.

There are bars and barbed wires everywhere, designed to keep the sane out and the crazy in. He is too young to understand why he got labeled as not worthy enough to be on the other side of the fence.

All he ever did was play with his brother but they say he is a pyromaniac – a really big word he doesn't quite get, but it has to do with him loving the dancing flames of a fire – and even though his sibling started the fateful one, he isn't innocent either. That his parents are dead because of him too.

He is here so they can heal his mind.

They tell him a lot of complicated and hurtful things, but no one ever loses a single word about his beloved brother. Maybe they hope he'll give up sooner or later. But they don't know him. He has learned to keep on fighting from his only sibling. He won't disrespect him like this just because the world tries to break him.

The people in white start to give him some blank sheets of paper during their sessions as soon as his arm has healed up. He still can't believe that the skin covering his right one is not his own. They say it is a transplant. He was very close once to drop the mute act to ask why no one gave him one for his face too, if it is so damaged, so he can finally ditch the mask.

But he didn't want to give them the satisfaction of ending his silence. He vowed to himself not to talk until he gets to know what his brother is up to. Surely he is out there searching frantically for him. He is not the only one scared right now.

These mean people probably haven't even told his sibling that he's held captive in here, so they could keep him forever because he is not _human_ enough to be allowed to live among normal people. Sometimes they say he's a monster, the whisper of it echoing night after night through the hallways. There are times when he is so depressed that he starts to believe it.

The men and women talk a lot about the fire, asking him the same questions over and over again. They never get tired of it, even though they already know every detail, so his answer stays the same too. He grabs a pen with his bad hand and writes down on one of the papers _where is my brother?_

They smile down at him with cold eyes, their gaze telling him _you no longer have one_ , making him weep himself into sleep at night for the longest time.

Years pass without anyone telling him what happened to his older sibling. Years of stubborn silence pass by, rage and hatred starting to grow rapidly inside of him. If his brother is alive and well, why won't he visit him? Why is he still locked up in this horrible place that is slowly robbing him of his life? Does his brother care at all? Is he blaming him for their parents' death?

There are no mirrors in this facility – they are a weapon, which is why they were forbidden a long time ago –, so he has no idea how terrifying and gruesome his reflection is but that doesn't matter. Not anymore. The mask is his face now. And because it is the door to his scarred soul, he gives it a makeover, a nice little touch, coloring it with red and black flames.

Because even if his big brother has left him here for good, has abandoned him to live a normal life without him holding his family back, he still cherishes their shared memories; no matter how much he despises his own flesh and blood for leaving him to rot in here.

Years pass and he has accepted that he will never see the real world again, that he is the loneliest boy in the world, left behind by the one person he loved and looked up to more than anyone else in this entire universe.

And then, one day, he gets a visitor. It is Death, coming to put him out of his misery.

 _Finally_.

* * *

Kane wakes up drenched in sweat, pitch black darkness surrounding him. He runs his fingers over his face, sighing relieved when he doesn't feel a mask or burnt and scarred skin.

He turns the lights on and walks to his office to unlock the top drawer of his desk and take out the sheets of paper he used to write on in the asylum. They are not white anymore, the sun has faded them out and the ink is heavily smeared on some. But the message is still very clear.

Kane can see his handwriting tell its own tale on those documents, the evolution of it a reflection of his mental deterioration. Disappointment and misplaced hatred made the words sharper, more edgy. Sadness and desperation turned that one plea into a curvy, sloppy mess.

He must have scrawled that sentence over a thousand times. Even today it is still etched in his memory, haunting him in his sleep. Writing it down over and over helped him to not forget what had happened. It hurt him in all the good and bad ways. Pain had been his anchor for most parts of his life. It kept him human and proved to him he was still alive.

_Where is my brother?_

No one gave him an answer to that question until Paul Bearer walked right back into his life, suddenly claiming to be his real father and telling him what a good and carefree life his brother was leading now; how he was completely unharmed by the fire, did not even get held accountable for it.

Paul had, completely unintentionally of course, _forgotten_ to tell him that Taker was led to believe Kane had died all those years ago after the paramedics had yanked his unconscious body out of his brother's arms; that in the end he was the one responsible for the death of his _entire_ family.

All the years of loathing and rage wasted for nothing.

Kane gets up and goes back to his bedroom, reaching for his phone on the nightstand to write the kid a message.

_The time to move is now. I demand my brother back._

He will not let another trivial thing stand between him and his only family again. He is done fighting his own flesh and blood.

Having Seth as a backup plan is nice and easy, but Kane is a grown man. He can wage his wars alone – which does not mean that he won't watch the boy sweat blood and tears to get Taker to cooperate. So, logically, he types a message to his brother too. It is always worth a try.

_I am helping this kid bring down Hunter & Stephanie and he made me his ally by promising me to get back into your good graces. Expect the boy to show up at your door some day soon. You know, we could have some fun with him, like in the old times. And for what it might be worth, I was wrong. I apologize._

He does not envisage an answer, Taker has refused to speak to him for months now, but his phone chimes up not a minute later. For a second he thinks it is Seth but then his brother's name stands there on the display, making him smile hesitantly.

_You better work with the unhinged one_

He laughs, knowing that Taker has a soft spot for Dean Ambrose and that he would not mind him showing up on his doorstep. He types back a _sorry, it is the babyface_ , perfectly able to hear the bothered groan his brother lets out as soon as he reads this, knowing all too well how that sounds.

Kane gets back into his bed and turns the lights off, thankfully able to let go of his dream surprisingly easily – and he does not fool himself into believing it has nothing to do with his brother talking to him again – when he gets another reply.

_You always had a crappy taste in partners. I tell you one thing though, you get your ass over here when that greenhorn attempts to annoy the shit out of me.  
Just like in the old times? I might be down with that_

The so called Brothers of Destruction have always had a knack for playing games with the kids of this business. Maybe he should suggest to Seth to take someone with him. But then again, he would love to see if the boy is smart enough not to go there alone.

There is no need for another answer. What he got tonight is more than he ever hoped for and in the end it had been so easy. He shakes his head at his own foolishness. He is forty-seven and sometimes it seems like he is still that terror-struck, lonely boy trapped in the asylum, unable to escape the prison that is his own mind.

His phone lights up when another text arrives, his brother apparently not done with him yet. How could he expect anything less?

_And by the way, I know. I usually am. I'm your big brother, I always know what's best for you. Right now, that's quit pestering me. Call ya soon_

Taker writing those words does not mean they are through the worst yet; there is still a lot they need to talk about and Kane definitely will not like to hear half of it, he is quite certain about that. But when all is said and done, he will just be glad that their relationship is not spiraling downwards anymore.

After this turn of events, he might actually be able to get some more rest even though he had that haunting nightmare. But before he can think of sleeping his phone beeps another time. He checks for the sender frowning deeply, but then he sees the kid's frantic message and cannot contain a roaring laughter.

It is so hilarious and entirely just the boy that he starts snickering every time he is ready to fall asleep and the message reappears in his thoughts. He deliberately does not write anything back, enjoying torturing the boy with silence way too much.

_Alright, fair is fair, I guess._   
_But, uhm, he won't, you know, eat me or try to sacrifice me as soon as he hears stuff he hates, right?_   
_Right?_


	2. you feel like you never be whole again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let him get this straight. They're driving all the way to fucking Austin, Texas, without knowing if Taker will even be there and with no plan whatsoever. 'This is by far the dumbest idea you ever came up with.'
> 
> Seth grins up at him, holding out a hand expectantly, so Dean can help him stand up again. 'But you're still willing to help me do it.' Of course he is, because apparently, Dean is fucking stupid too.

**Tuesday 19** **th  
** **03:48 am**

He's been back home from his little walk in the desert for like an hour, tops, when the stupid doorbell rings. Whoever that is, it better be important, because if it isn't, Dean will murder that someone and bury him or her in his backyard for interrupting his nap.

Considering it's almost four am and he got Curb Stomped into hell twice mere hours ago, it's not even a surprise that Seth stands in front of his door, pushing his way into Dean's house as if he thinks he owns this place. Well, good thing the jury is still out on the killing part.

Seth's body deflates as soon as he closed the door, relief washing over him. 'Thank God, you're here.' What? Did he search for him in the city or the desert, only to remember five or six hours later that Dean actually lives in Las Vegas, so he should check there too?

'Where else would I be?' he retorts, biting back a snarky remark about him not wanting to see Seth's face for the next few... centuries. His brother huffs annoyed, checking him out with his eyes from top to bottom but there's nothing to see.

Dean is still dressed in his ring gear. A lot of the dust has fallen off of him by now but there's still some left on his hair and shoulder. He just couldn't bother with showering, collapsing on the sofa as soon as he got here.

'I don't know,' Seth answers sarcastically and points at his head accusingly, 'the hospital maybe?' He doesn't need some quack to tell him he's badly injured. He can feel that himself. But he hasn't thrown up so far and he's still breathing, so he'll make it through this somehow.

He's had worse.

''M fine. I just have the biggest headache in the universe. The more important question is: the fuck you doin' here?' he yawns tiredly, feeling like his insides are made of stone. He hasn't slept properly in ages and not at all since Saturday night when Seth had called him around two in the morning, stuttering and nerves at breaking point.

It was just a Lumberjack match, nothing to piss his pants over. It's not like there were hired assassins surrounding that ring or the unforgiving steel cage Seth feared so much. Contrary to popular belief, Dean does have a heart.

Which led him to spill the one secret he had wanted to tell Seth privately on live television. Roman had warned him to do it quickly, but of course he had to wait and now the fat's in the fire. Good thing though? Seth seemed to be completely out of it during that match, and after he received his very own Curb Stomp he didn't look too good either.

Dean is ninety percent sure Seth doesn't remember anything. Okay, maybe fifty percent. But for his own sake, Dean's going to ignore this problem until it goes away on its own.

Seth looks him in the eyes, face all serious and distanced. Dean just shrugs and trots into the kitchen, thinking about offering his brother some coffee but ending up making only one for himself. No matter why Seth is here, Dean is pretty sure he won't find any more sleep tonight, so he might as well drink that shit.

'You know we just saw each other in the arena?' he asks casually, setting a cup under the nozzle and watching the dark brown liquid stream out of the machine. 'Whatever it is, couldn't it wait until at least sunrise?'

He had looked forward to some quiet days at home, taking advantage of the fact that Raw went on air in in his hometown last night. Dean even begged Roman for some time off, promising to meet up with him as soon as he was feeling better.

And here Seth is, seeming tense and nervous as fuck, now that he takes a closer look. This better not be about their matches at SummerSlam and Raw. He doesn't have the nerves to deal with all of this right now.

'Want one too?' he breaks the silence once more when his friend still refuses to talk. That's not creepy at all. Showing up at Dean's doorstep in the middle of the night, bursting into the house all confident and determined just to stand in his kitchen awkwardly, cheeks blushing.

Finally Seth shakes his head and yanks the mug out of Dean's hands. 'Excuse you?' he grits out, trying to reclaim his well-deserved coffee. His brother is quicker though, which is not really a surprise either. Dean is ready to pass out by now, his whole body aching and yearning for a twenty-four hour regeneration sleep.

'Pack some stuff,' Seth just orders after a while, pointing upstairs to Dean's bedroom but he won't even think about moving until his friend tells him what's going on. No one will take away his first day at home in forever, not even this adorable idiot that is able to completely shut off his brain in a matter of seconds.

No,' he says, crossing his arms and leaning against his oven. 'No, Seth, don't even give me that puppy look. It's four in the morning and I need to let my body heal because of the severe head and spine trauma you gave me tonight. I want to sleep in my own bed for a change. Is that too much to ask for?'

Seth sighs and starts squirming – holy hell, what is going on? But instead of answering Seth just starts drinking his fucking coffee, opening the fridge to pour in some milk, before he tastes it again and takes out Dean's butter. Oh Jesus, that's one of Seth's worst habits. How can anyone soil black gold with butter?

Thankfully, Dean hasn't had the time to do some grocery shopping yet, so when Seth opens the butter it's all green. Naturally, he gets a dirty look from his brother but hey, he hasn't been home for quite some time. Not his fault that food mildews.

'This is disgusting,' Seth comments on the poor state of his fridge and grudgingly drinks the coffee as if someone forces him to down that swill. Well, Dean would have loved to have it himself, but he's not gonna pick a quarrel before the sun even rose.

'And you're still standing in my kitchen, downing my beverage, wanting me to hit the road again even though I'm seriously hurting and on a vacation from Ro, you and everything else. Most of all you though.'

Seth pouts for a second, furrowing his brow before he puts the empty mug aside and leaves Dean to walk up the stairs, undoubtedly going to his bedroom to pack some stuff for whatever reason himself. What a little fucker.

He doesn't have the energy left to run after Seth, so he just hauls his body upstairs one step at a time – how can Seth still move so fast? They have gone through almost the same ordeal on Sunday and tonight. It's probably the total lack of sleep plus his assembly of injuries dragging him down. His younger brother looks well rested, even though he must be up for at least twenty hours too.

Fuck, he's getting old.

But then again, Seth is most likely running on adrenaline, nervous energy and his coffee while Dean is just _tired_.

Sick of facing Seth show after show, getting robbed of his victories and a fair chance to defeat his friend. Of his buddy spitting in his face how he doesn't care about Dean, how he never considered him a friend or a brother but instead thinks of him as trash with rabies and someone who should be locked up in a padded cell forever.

No matter how hard he tries to ignore those words, he always falls for them, lets them drag him back into the darkness. They poison his mind, and all the voices soar again, mocking him how he could be so foolish to believe Seth's affirmations in the first place.

He's tired of Seth cornering him after every one of his very own pipe-bombs to whisper desperately against his lips that it's all just a lie for the audience and the Authority and how much he fancies Dean, sending his emotions on a too fast rollercoaster again.

Most of all, he's done with confessing his own feelings in the fucking ring, as if he never learned how to control himself.

He is so sick and tired of all of this. Which is why he welcomes this impromptu vacation with open arms. He seriously needs some time off, so he can recover and come to terms with everything that has happened and find out if his emotions have changed – because it feels like they have. Dean just can't tell if for the better or the worse.

Seth is already throwing his personal favorite pants and shirts into one of Dean's suitcases when he arrives. He sits down on the bed and lets his brother do whatever he has in mind. Fact is, he won't leave this house before he hears a good explanation for this.

'What do you think, do you need some sweatpants too?' Seth muses, dropping the clothes to rummage through the drawer with his underwear. Interesting how experienced and fluid his motions are; like water sliding down naturally tanned skin, and how comfortable he looks in the middle of Dean's room, as if he belongs here and should be doing this every day of his life.

'Oh, I don't know. Maybe I could tell you, if I'd know what the fuck I'd need them for,' he answers with a fake smile, eliciting a scoff from his friend. Really? He has the guts to appear offended but Dean, the one whose stuff gets vandalized at the moment, can't even sass his own brother?

'Dean, don't make me beg.' Huh? The fuck does Seth want? Does he intend to run away with him or grab the bull by the horns to marry in the city, while they're here?

'Are we gonna be the new Bonnie and Clyde or what are you preparing for? Wait, did it finally happen? It's the zombie apocalypse and you're my knight in shiny armor, here to rescue me,' he decides to say, because he's not yet ready to talk about things like marriage with Seth if they can't even move on to the _we're having an actual relationship and are now a couple, bitches_ stage yet.

Seth just huffs tiredly and flops down on the bed next to him, fishing out his cell to scroll through it so he can show him something. Dean takes the phone and looks at the display, seeing the log of an entire conversation Seth had with Kane. But since he's not supposed to sniff around he just reads Kane's latest message.

_The time to move is now. I demand my brother back._

So that's what this is all about. How disappointing. Seth is taking his first free days from him to play babysitter for... well, well, look at that. Judging by Seth's panicked and ridiculous answer Dean is not supposed to be his brother's watchdog, but instead the of the Undertaker.

How on earth did Seth even come up with the idea that Taker could _eat_ him? The mere thought of his friend handcuffed and swimming in a huge pot filled with boiling water is enough to make him question his loyalties for just a second. He'd really love to see that happen.

He reads the text again and can't help but laugh. For Seth it would probably be better if Taker would open the door as the American Badass and not as The Phenom or The Deadman.

Oh, he really wanted to have some days off from all this wrestling and lovey-dovey bullshit but the prospect of a scared to death Seth and all the fun Taker will make of his brother is enough to convince him to want to do this ludicrous road trip. But if he's being completely honest, Dean would love to see how his friend tries to convince Taker to give Kane a second chance as well as spend time with his friend.

Okay, but he needs to play it cool, let Seth dangle a bit more before he gives in. He really should think about this whole _I can't deny this adorable fucker even the dumbest wish_ problem.

'So, you want me as your bodyguard?' Seth yanks the phone out of his hands again, getting flustered and agitated all of a sudden. There is more to this than meets the eye. If Seth wanted protection, he'd drag Roman along. There's a reason he decided to come to Dean – and he has a pretty good idea what that is.

Which doesn't mean he's thrilled about it. Not after getting Seth's finishing move through a pile of fucking cinderblocks.

'No. Yes,' Seth corrects himself, shooting Dean a helpless look. 'Most of all I want to spend time with you on the road again. Alone.' Isn't that cute? He fucking knew it.

But he won't agree yet. Dean is actually a bit pissed that Seth hasn't told him of this plan earlier, since he got that text over a week ago. He probably wracked his brain about how to persuade Dean to accompany him since then.

Easiest way: just ask. Preferably not at fucking four in the morning but well, he can't have everything. Especially with that baby hound around.

'And you want me to stop Taker from stealing your kidneys,' he taunts him, voice alternating between sounding serious and mocking. Seth doesn't appreciate his efforts, breathing out an annoyed, 'Dean, this isn't funny.'

If his brother wants to talk to the Undertaker then Dean should do everything in his power to prepare him for all the mind games and bad jokes – and maybe even some insults – that will undoubtedly rain down on him, but he senses that right now is not the time for that.

'You're serious about this. Alright, what's gotten into you?' It's unusual for his friend to keep his feelings and thoughts hidden, so when Seth fiddles with his phone and refuses to answer, Dean does get a little worried. This is not about a road trip for old times' sake. This is about Seth being scared to death that they won't ever have one of those again. That now, after SummerSlam and Raw, their feud and everything else really is over.

And that there is no one to blame, other than himself.

'You're afraid of losing me, now that you've settled things the Authority way.' Those words are harder to say than he imagined because deep down, he's terrified of Seth disappearing out of his life too. He would just never admit it.

Seth's mouth stays closed but he nods slightly, gaze flickering down to the ground. Dean sighs inwardly. This, comforting their baby brother and easing all their worries, is usually Roman's job. But he's not here, so it's up to him to encourage his friend again. And maybe even himself.

'We're not done yet. This is far from over. I'm not going anywhere, Seth. You have Ro and you still have me. _We_ are going to be fine.' As a family. Their feud has come to an untimely end after two and a half months and it's time for Seth to spread his wings some more.

Just because Roman and Dean will face other opponents – or are out of the picture for a while –, it doesn't mean that they'll forget all about the mini wolf.

They may not be able to help him like they used to but they'll still be his brothers, his safe haven. He will always be welcome in their midst and both of them will continue to support him whenever they can because he belongs to them, he's the third member of their pack. Roman and Dean would still take a bullet for Seth.

No matter how far away they might seem, they'll always be right beside him.

He's apparently doing a piss poor job of consoling Seth, because his friend won't answer and looks like he's about to either burst into tears or run out of his house and leave him to drive to Taker alone. If Roman were here, he'd find the right words at the first try, because he somehow always knows what's the best thing to say even if he's furious.

'I promise you, I won't lose _the_ _prize_ out of sight ever again. I am not letting you go just because our paths lead us away from each other.' Finally, this does draw out a reaction and Dean notices with relief that his friend is trying to smile. It's not working yet, but it's a start.

Seems like, in this case, Dean will have to prove that he means what he just said, so Seth will believe him. Which is fine by him. He's always been better with letting his actions speak for him. If he opens his mouth, he'll just ruin everything.

'So, will you come with me?' Seth whispers and Dean knows instantly that this question is not the one his friend wants answered. It means so much more than only the invitation to a road trip. The time for playing games is over.

He'd follow Seth into the depths of hell, if necessary. His brother needs to never forget this.

Dean nods and closes the case he has packed for him. 'Sure, where're we headed?' Seth doesn't just smile, he practically beams at him, jumping up from the bed to gather Dean's toiletries from his bathroom.

'Austin,' Seth yells from the other room, making Dean frown. Wait a minute. Austin, like in _Texas_? He's gotta be kidding, right?

So before he will throttle the life out of his friend for wanting to drive his ass all the way back there, Dean makes sure that Seth's death will be justified.

'Texas?' 'Yeah,' Seth retorts and Dean can almost hear him rolling his eyes. He gets up and traps his brother in the room by stopping in the doorframe, blocking the exit with his body.

'For fuck's sake, Seth. We just had I don't know how many shows in Texas and now that we're out of the state you want to drag me all the way back there because you're too afraid to face the Undertaker alone?'

His friend averts his gaze, playing around with the hem of his shirt to do something with his shaking hands. Wow, and here he was, thinking he was the flighty one. Is it really so hard to simply ask Dean for a favor? Just because Seth's promo last Friday and the events taking place two days later made Dean distance himself from him again, it does not mean that he will brutally murder his baby brother in the kitchen.

Not for something so innocent as wanting to relive some of the good old times. It's totally different if someone interrupts his sleep though. He would go back to jail for that felony every day. Nobody really knows what it's like to perfectly function with two or three hours of sleep – if you're lucky – each night for months.

Come to think of it, it seems very likely that Seth has deliberately waited until they were in Nevada to tell Dean of his traveling plans, so that they would be caged into a car for two whole days. Seriously, if Seth wouldn't be a wrestler, he'd probably be a mafia boss or a master ninja assassin with his evil scheming skills.

Seth misinterprets the sudden silence for his unwillingness to spend some time with him. His friend walks up to Dean to flash a hopeful grin at him, clapping him on the shoulder awkwardly. What a dweeb. 'Come one, it's gonna be fun. We're gonna have a nice little road trip and in between you protect me from being a virgin sacrifice for Taker.'

He can't help but snort while he steps out of the way again. He never really had a chance to turn Seth's wish down, not even after wanting to go separate ways for a while until he sorted out this messed up situation.

His friend follows him back into the bedroom, stuffing his toiletries bag into his suitcase. To distract himself, Dean makes fun of his friend after Seth gave him such a good opening. 'Even if you still were a virgin, no one would want to sacrifice you. Taker has some dignity left, sunshine.'

His brother shakes his head, totally convinced that there's still a fifty-fifty chance he might end up as an offering to Satan as soon as he dares to argue with Taker.

'Kane never denied that that's within the realms of possibility,' he adds and Dean can hear how mad Seth is that Kane didn't help him on this matter. Fuck, he'd never thought he might end up liking this dud, but damn, what a great sense of humor. Maybe they do have more in common than just Seth.

'Just to make this clear, you also believe Taker could eat you?' He really doesn't get why Seth is so afraid of the man. Yes, he's big and strong and it seems like he's been around since forever, kind of like a lingering ghost. He's also the most respected guy in the locker room, no matter if he's actually there or not.

But that's all one should feel for Taker: respect.

Maybe it's because Dean has wrestled the guy, has earned his respect in return and gotten some pretty good – and flattering – advice from him to ever get really intimidated by the other.

'Not as long as you're around,' Seth mutters, zipping his case and getting up again, standing in his room a bit indecisive, his face clearly showing the wish to lie down on Dean's bed just once. Ever since he moved here they have always slept on the couch in his living room, legs sprawled all over each other. He had never once invited either Seth or Roman into his bedroom.

But things have changed, haven't they? Seth isn't just his friend anymore. Well, most of the time. But after Friday night, their fight at SummerSlam and also Raw everything spun out of control again and now Dean is more reluctant than ever to give this to Seth.

He hasn't even gotten an apology for the promo on Smackdown yet. And Dean doesn't consider a hurried _you know I didn't mean it_ an adequate substitute for one. Seth hurt him with those words more than he cares to admit. If he won't try to make amends on this stupid journey, Dean _will_ kill him and leave his body to rot in the middle of fucking nowhere.

'And they call me nuts,' he ends that conversation and gives Seth a gentle push, guiding him away from his bed and out of the room. The sad expression on his brother's face does make him feel guilty, but he's not willing to let someone in his sacred bed who throws insults left and right at him.

'Do you have any idea how long that drive'll take?' he changes the subject, grabbing his suitcase and walking down the steps, exhaustion and dizziness making him almost fall down in a moment of thoughtlessness. Seth thankfully doesn't see him gripping the handrail with his bad arm. Neither does his friend hear the pained hiss Dean lets out, because he's talking at the same moment.

'Nineteen hours, without any disturbances or stops.' He sounds all proud of himself for being prepared for all possible questions, but did he actually listen to what he just said? _Nineteen hours_. The damn day just has twenty-four. All that for a conversation Seth could have had on the fucking phone.

'We're losing Tuesday and Thursday just for the drive,' he complains and sits down on the last step to catch his breath. If he won't get some rest soon, he'll probably end up unintentionally hurting himself even further. His brain is already working at the slowest pace possible, which means his reactions aren't what they used to be either.

And this fucking headache makes him feel really nauseous, the pain shooting through his neck is almost unbearable.

Seth kneels down to pick out some shoes for Dean – and seriously, what the fuck? So far, Dean hasn't had the chance to pack _anything_ he would like to wear on this trip and he's starting to feel like a helpless little boy that needs his mommy to help him get dressed.

He's never had a mother that did that for him and he honestly won't start with letting people pamper him now that he's an adult.

'Which is why we have to make the most of Wednesday,' Seth mutters distractedly, the tip of his tongue sticking out between his lips, a concentrated look on his face. Seems like he can't decide between Dean's boots and some ordinary sneakers.

Is he choosing all of this stuff so he can look at Dean and be all chipper about how he picked that outfit because they're his favorite clothes and he loves seeing them on him? Or is he trying to go for an equally intimidating companion to have an ace up his sleeve when he faces the Undertaker?

No matter what it is, Dean is sick of and flattered by it, so he yanks his boots out of Seth's hands and slips into them, throwing the sneakers on his suitcase to take them with him too. Seth has the audacity to snicker, obviously proud with Dean joining him even though he never officially said yes.

'Does he even know we're coming?' Seth gasps shocked and loses his balance, landing flat on his ass. But since he had been kneeling all the time, it wasn't a long or hard fall. What a shame.

'Hell no,' his friend practically squeals, as if it's totally unimaginable that Seth would announce their visit, so Taker can prepare for it. Or flee, if he really has no wish to listen to a kid trying to harass him about his half-brother.

Let him get this straight. They're driving all the way to fucking Austin, _Texas_ , without knowing if Taker will even be there and with no plan whatsoever. 'This is by far the dumbest idea you ever came up with.'

Seth grins up at him, holding out a hand expectantly, so Dean can help him stand up again. 'But you're still willing to help me do it.' Of course he is, because apparently, Dean is fucking stupid too.

He hauls Seth's ass back up after watching the outstretched hand for a while and sighs. 'Old habits die hard. Don't be so smug about it.' God, he'll miss his house. He had so many plans for the next few days, all of them consisted of him only leaving his bed to take a piss or eat. He can always count on Seth to fuck up his day though.

'Come on, Rome's waiting,' his brother says impatiently and grabs Dean by the elbow to drag him along. Jesus, like an eager little pup. And what does that mean, Roman is outside? Wasn't this supposed to be some life-changing road trip for just the two of them?

'I thought we would drive alone?' he asks, checking his house for any turned on technical devices. Seth follows him wherever he goes, claiming somewhat depressed, 'I miss both of you.'

He's a second away from rubbing it in that that's entirely Seth's fault but in the end he doesn't have the heart to do it. Being so damn sleepy makes him soft; it's disgusting.

It's even so bad that he chuckles lightly while turning off his coffee maker and turns to his friend, teasing, 'Is that so?' Seth needs a second to decide if Dean is just being sarcastic or joking, finally settling on a third option that's called being jealous. That smart fucker.

'We're dropping him off in Arizona. After that it's just us.' There's a spark in Seth's eyes that frightens Dean a little bit – it's too much passion for him to handle at four in the morning. But it also tells him one thing.

'You planned this all along, didn't you?' Waiting until the very last moment to ask Dean to join him. Checking the tour dates to make sure he could find a special route that fit in Roman being a part of this for a short while too. Taking Dean with him, because he knows that the Undertaker is much more forthcoming when he is around. Counting on the fact that Dean just can't say no to him.

Pure evil, manipulative genius. Sometimes, it's downright scary.

'Why should I?' Seth asks indignantly, winking and smiling brightly at him – and the whole damn room lights up, like in some God awful movie –, visibly proud with his conniving skills. Dean groans, not really sure if he can put up with, well, all of that for the next three days. Especially if the one thing he thinks – fears – will happen too.

Seth hasn't just come here to beg him to go on this trip with him, so they can spend some time together because they haven't done this in ages. No, no, no. That'd be too easy. Seth had something very special in mind. Something Dean has refused to give his friend for a while now.

'So you can ask for that favor. Don't even try to fool me.' There's a huge grin creeping over Seth's face, making him look almost like the Joker. Dean can't believe how bold Seth sometimes is. Does he really expect late night cuddling and all time make-out sessions after SummerSlam, last week's Smackdown and tonight, for Christ's sake?

After telling him he never even cared about Dean at all. Truth or lie, those words cut deep and they still burn like an open, raw wound. Dean actually doubts it'll ever heal. Because Seth walking out on them, slapping him in the ring and hitting him nine times with a chair just to Curb Stomp him afterwards is still bleeding too.

'Let's just hit the road and whatever happens, happens.'

That sounds reasonable. _If_ Seth is able to keep his word. He's not gonna risk running into an emotional dead end on this road trip, so he needs to establish some rules before he gets into the car. Dean is not willing to grant Seth that favor, not after still waiting for a simple _I'm sorry for what I said on Friday_.

He turns off the light in the kitchen and living room, slipping into his black leather jacket before Seth chooses one for him to wear too, responding, 'One condition though. No chick flick moments, or I'm gonna rip your tongue out, heat it up in a microwave and eat it.'

Seth tilts his head, pursing his lips while seriously thinking about this offer. Just that it isn't one at all. This is Dean's demand and non-negotiable. But Seth is every bit as headstrong as Dean, as smart as Dean and definitely as shifty as Dean.

So it's not really shocking when his brother smirks, adding in a sing-song, 'Deal. If I get that favor.' Oh no. This is not how things work on this trip. Seth doesn't get to push Dean after calling him a lunatic, a hellcat with rabies and someone he never considered a friend, a brother – someone he never gave a damn about.

Family is very important to Dean – now that he finally has found the right one – and Seth can't toy with his emotions on live television just to confuse him backstage with claiming the complete opposite.

'We'll see.'

Seth doesn't seem to realize that the mood has changed, still overjoyed and giddy because his plan worked out so well. He's like the kid that can't wait until Christmas morning to open its presents, which is why it sneaks around at night to carefully open them and get a good look.

'Then I'll see if I can keep my mouth in check.' The second Seth doesn't keep his promise, Dean will glue those very kissable lips together for all eternity. That way Seth can't hurt him with his words anymore.

He sighs defeated, kicking his suitcase in Seth's direction. If he's going to be forced to leave tonight, his brother can carry all his stuff. And Dean totally can get away with it, blaming it on his bad shoulder and head trauma.

'You owe me some time off in my own bed afterwards,' he says, voice slightly threatening.

He wants to cure all of his injuries, new and old, after all, as well as doing some chilled stuff in his home. Like gathering all the strays in the neighborhood to make some new friends, get better at this CrossFit shit – so he can beat Seth in the future –, spend a whole week on his couch watching cheesy movies and specializing in making all kinds of delicious pancakes.

What he doesn't want is being forced to sit in a car for nineteen hours to talk to someone he respects about someone Dean still wants to pummel straight into the hell he crawled out of because... because of reasons.

Seth, that adorable, dirty minded baby wolf manages to turn even that into a sexual innuendo. 'You can always come to my new house. I have a huge, comfy bed too.'

Dean closes the door behind them, hoping that his security system will work – not everyone has a Daniel Bryan in store to fend off intruders – torn between sighing and smiling fondly.

'I bet you do.'


	3. all you're lost will come again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, I had some personal issues to take care of. A huge thanks to everyone who left some nice words in my inbox. You guys rock! Other than that, there are some mentions of child abuse, drug abuse and prostitution.

**Tuesday, 19th  
** **04:42 am**

Roman is getting out of the car when Dean locks his door, stretching his arms while yawning widely. 'I thought you'd never come out,' he greets both of them and winks at Dean, holding out his fist so he can bump it while Seth puts his stuff in the trunk.

'I'm only here to watch Taker rip him apart,' Dean mutters, his brain not even able to come up with a better snarky remark. It seems like Roman had been lying on the backseat, waiting for Seth to convince Dean to join him and that's exactly where he wants to spend the drive to Phoenix too.

Dean is far beyond just feeling tired. If he won't get a decent nap in the next five minutes, he'll go on a rampage, so he can get some fucking sleep in a small barred cell.

'I hope you two don't mind me crashing on the backseat. I'm close to passing out.' Roman just claps him on the shoulder – the good one or else he would punch his best friend in the face – and gets back behind the wheel, saying, 'Knock yourself out.'

Seth gladly rides shotgun while Dean climbs on the seat and makes himself comfortable, thinking about using his leather jacket as pillow when something soft and fuzzy lands on his head. It's his old Shield hoodie, smelling like Seth's detergent and aftershave.

He shouldn't be surprised anymore that most of his clothes disappeared into his brother's closet, where they gather dust until Seth takes them out to sniff at them at night – or whatever he does with his them. Sometimes it's better not to know.

But Dean really loves this hoodie, because it's the first one he's ever had that has these ridiculously long sleeves, even for someone so tall like him. It makes him feel like a kid again, all warm and protected. Not that he ever had the luxury of that in his childhood, but he always dreamed of one day feeling like this.

Funny how a single piece of cloth can do that. Though it probably has a lot to do with The Shield being his family for quite some time now and them keeping him safe and sound, no matter what. The hoodie is just a visual reminder. Hopefully this time he'll get to take it back home with him.

But Seth will most likely snag it away right under his nose and he won't even realize until he wants to wear it. Those damn ninja skills.

He doesn't comment on Seth giving him his own clothes back and just shrugs out of his jacket to slip into the comfy hoodie, curling the leather into a tiny ball and hiding his face under the hood. This is _good_ ; the best he's felt in a long while.

Ironically, thanks to the same man who's able to throw him into a black hole just to drag him out of there again, so he cam claim to be his savior.

'Should we wake you up or,' Seth starts but Dean has heard enough. Sleeping in a car is difficult enough. He's going to have to ignore the conversations of his brothers and the stupid background music while trying to relax enough to doze off. If they wake him up, they'll probably pick the one moment he's finally dead asleep.

Come to think of it, that might not be the worst thing. He hasn't had a proper night's sleep in ages but Roman had to slap him awake more often than not since Friday night. It's not that he's ashamed of his nightmares – hell, both of them have witnessed them way too many times during their journey together – but he doesn't want to have to explain the newest reason for them reappearing to Seth.

Anyway, if he has to choose between resting properly for once even if that means having another haunting dream, he'll take that any day. Especially if the other choice is only napping for thirty minutes every so often.

So Dean drags himself up one last time to rest his chin on Seth's seat, grabbing his brother at the collar with his bad arm. 'Don't you dare,' he hisses, voice dark and threatening. 'Even if you crash the car, just leave me here until I open my eyes again on my own.'

Roman chuckles lightly and turns on the radio, tuning the volume down to a level that even Dean can live with, nodding at him through the rearview mirror.

He smiles back – he maybe won't see Ro until Friday, depending on how long he'll be out, but it doesn't really matter; they have said their goodbyes already – and claps Seth on the cheek before he lies down, turning his back to his brothers.

Considering how sleep-deprived he is and how gently the car is rocking, it's not surprising that he's out cold in a matter of seconds.

When he opens his eyes again, he knows instantly that he's dreaming. Not because there are giant tea pots dancing through the streets or he's being chased by a man in a hot dog costume – though he's had those elements in some of his dreams too.

No, he knows that this is not real because he's back in Cincinnati, in the shithole he grew up and just like back then, all the colors around him seem to fade into gray and black.

He looks down at himself, not even surprised that he suddenly has these tiny bloodstained hands that shake and hurt horribly. There's the shadow of a boy running away from him, screaming something but Dean can't even hear a single sound. It's like he's deaf all of a sudden.

Being back in this hell, it's probably not the worst thing to only smell and see his old neighborhood. This way he won't have to listen to his mother faking orgasms for her johns, just so she can find an escape from her life in the next shot that's this close to being the golden one.

He's torn between going back to his apartment where some stranger awaits him – ready to beat him to a bloody pulp if he so much as dares to look him in the eyes defiantly, making some sarcastic remark about small dicks and big egos – and staying on the streets, waiting for another asshole to talk shit or poke fun at him, while trying to convince Dean to surrender to their shitty street rules.

No matter where he'll turn to in this dream, he'll always end up alone. There is no one here to take him by the hand and guide him into a brighter future. There is not even a future for him at all; not until he finds his one true calling.

He knows that something important is missing right now. It's not his hearing – actually, it's quite relaxing to look around and see the chaos that is this city without being able to let it get to him – or his father who ran away so many years ago that Dean can't even remember his face.

Neither is it the absence of hope or happiness. Dean can't even call to mind the last time he has laughed from the bottom of his heart. He's also still able to feel his heart beat slowly, almost lazily in his chest, which means he's stuck in that deadly cycle of destructive thoughts, with voices in his head telling him he's never going to make it out of here, that he'll end up as a drug addict too. He was born to fail.

All of that is still there, but something is amiss. Something he holds very dearly is gone and all he can do is check his pockets for it, even though he's not even sure that he can hold it in his fingers.

He doesn't expect to find anything, but his tiny, sticky hands fish out a small plastic bag filled with white powder. He once downed one of these in his dream, making himself wake up again, gasping desperately for air until... until what?

Dean distantly remembers hands cupping his cheeks, but he can't make out a face.

That is what's missing. Not some _thing_ , it's some _one_. A person that's always there for him to save Dean from his own mind. He can't conjure up a name or anything related to that certain someone, but he knows he has to find him.

How can he be so sure it's a guy? He shakes his head and rubs his fingers over his dirty, baggy clothes, trying to get rid of the blood on his skin. Dean can't say why but he's dead certain it's not a woman. After all the things he had to go through with his so called mother, he swore to himself to never let one of them get close to him.

They're evil, sucking the life out of him while laughing melodically and kissing him, so he'll shut the hell up. The relationship with the one role model he had fucked him up for life.

And yet, there is someone out there who changed Dean, he can feel it in his childlike bones. It's not the same one who saves him from his night terrors. Why can't he remember their names? He's sure, as soon as he recalls them, he'll be able to picture their faces to help him get out of here. To bring back the brighter colors, actual sunshine, hope, faith and his hearing.

It starts raining; fat drops of water falling into his eyes, making his unkempt and unruly hair stick to his face. Time to decide what he's gonna do as long as he's stuck here.

He puts the drugs back in his pocket, shuffling nervously with his feet. It's not a good idea to just stand on the streets like this, being an open target to all kinds of bad things. But going back to his mother seems equally horrible. Maybe he should just run.

Dean loves running. It helps him get rid of the evil pumping through his body, lets him forget all the things that happen at home. His legs carry him everywhere, but for some strange reason he always ends up in front of his own door.

No matter how badly he wants to leave, he comes back every time. He's too weak to make it on his own yet. Without a purpose, a goal in life, a dream he can pursue and chase after to one day live it, he won't get anywhere.

For some reason he's sure that the two people without faces are part of that better life. And that's enough to make him put one foot in front of the other, so he can run towards a day where everything is better, a time when he's not alone and helpless.

He's pumping air through his lungs, legs moving so fast on the wet ground that he gets dizzy when he looks down. But they don't stop until the world starts spinning out of control, colors fading into each other, getting more intense and proliferating all over the place. Dean can feel his body grow, sounds coming alive, memories assaulting him.

Seth and Roman.

They have been missing in his childhood. But he doesn't need to worry because now that he's an adult, he finally has them. They are his family, the one he never had but always secretly wished for. The one he never thought he'd need but can't live without anymore.

There's loud screaming going on when the world slows down again and Dean is in the ring, hanging in the ropes, breathing hard and watching the most important person in his life walk away from him.

Roman is somewhere behind him, equally beaten and exhausted, but he's not the one Dean is concentrating on. His gaze is fixed on Seth who staggers up the ramp, evidently struggling with himself and his decision but never once coming back to help him, to revise his actions even though he turns around and looks Dean dead in the eye.

There's a stinging pain in his chest and it seizes up immediately, his mind reeling and shouting at him that Seth finally has had enough. That this is it. His brother has realized that Dean is not worth keeping around, that he's too much trouble to deal with.

It's okay – no, it's not; it's breaking his heart into a million tiny pieces, grinding down the edges so they'll never fit together again –, Dean is used to people leaving him. It's only a matter of time, always has and always will. Dean is just one of those people who don't deserve even a sliver of happiness.

He's come to terms with that a long time ago. Which doesn't mean that he never once hoped this would change one day.

But he doesn't understand how Seth can leave Roman behind too. They have been tag team partners for the longest time, held the title, grew together like the brothers they are. How can he look back at the ring and watch his own partner get decimated?

How can Seth just leave after everything they've been through?

Didn't he claim not-so-subtly that he wanted to get down and dirty with Dean? Was that a lie too? Of course it was. How could Dean ever think Seth would willingly spend his time with an aggressive, pathetic street dog? It's probably Dean's fault that Seth is walking out on Roman now. He has done something that made the other leave.

He gets punched and kicked and beaten some more by the Wyatts, so he shuts off his brain until he's safe again, stalking around backstage to find that runaway. It's quiet, only Roman's ragged breathing keeping him company, the solitary sound of it keeping the voices in his head at bay.

Seth is nowhere to be found and there's an emptiness inside of him that scares Dean. He's never let anyone get so close to him that his soul cracks apart as soon as that someone turns his back on him. He has sabotaged all the potential relationships in his life in fear of getting hurt yet another time. So he did the hurting, becoming an insulting, erratic asshole that couldn't stay away from drugs either.

Instead of embracing the gift of his new life, he turned into a male version of his mother. Fucking awesome.

Dean closes his eyes, biting back angry tears. When he opens them only seconds later, Seth is sitting right beside him, beaming at him as if nothing ever happened. They're sitting in a bar of some sorts, beer on the table, a waitress dishing them steak. He has the sinking feeling that this is some kind of last meal, because tomorrow the world will end.

_Never gave a damn about._

'What?' he asks, fork falling down on the plate, clattering so loudly that Dean flinches. Seth shoots Roman a questioning glance and places a hand on Dean's thigh. 'I didn't say anything, Dean.' Right.

_I loved you, Seth. You were my brother._

'What?' he repeats, rubbing confused over his ears. What's going on? Why is he hearing things that have been the reason for various anxiety attacks in a moment like this?

'You alright?' Roman cups his jaw in his huge, protective hands and checks for a fever. 'Your eyes seem kinda glassy. You're on something again?'

Again? The fuck? No. _No_. Dean tries to shake his head, but for some reason he can't move at all. He's forced to sit at this tiny table and watch his brothers look at him disappointed and bitter, as if he let them down just by existing. What else is new?

_Never my brother._

He recognizes those words as the ones playing in a constant loop in his head, and fears that tomorrow – when all hell breaks loose – they will come crushing down on him; smothering and choking him, breaking his heart and leaving behind a dark black void that can never be filled.

Roman lets go of him and starts to eat his steak, not even paying attention to Dean's dilemma. He still can't move, can't even talk to tell them they're wrong, he's clean, _he's fucking clean_ , he's clean for so long and they're the ones reminding him every day why that's a good thing. Because they're the reason he breathes, why he's still alive.

_I'm better than some Lunatic Fringe who doesn't give a damn about his well-being. I'm better than some bipolar nut job who should be locked away._

Seth heaves a heavy sigh while sipping his beer, looking kinda fed up with Dean's antics. But he's not doing anything. For fuck's sake, he can't even move. 'Really Dean, we're tired of taking care of you. You never listen anyway. I'm sick of it, you hear me? I'm so sick of _you_.'

_I love you, alright? I love you, brother._

No. This is not happening. Dean has to remind himself over and over again that it's just a dream, that this didn't happen the night before Seth left them. They had been out to celebrate their victory over the Evolution at Payback in this bar with beers and steaks, but these words have never been said.

Seth never once looked like he would sell out the next day because he was fed up with Dean.

Roman nods, chewing the stupid meat and points his knife at him. 'He's right. Looking after you is so damn troublesome. You're a nuisance, Dean. Dead weight.'

Seth grins at his big brother and the sight alone turns Dean's blood into ice. 'Dead weight we intend to finally leave behind. We can only carry you for so long, Dean.'

_I am better than some hellcat with rabies who was never my friend, who was never my brother. And who I never gave a damn about in the first place._

He closes his eyes, because that's the only thing he can do at the moment, squeezes them shut as tightly as possible to block out their harsh words; all these lies that try to lure him into the darkness that is his life whenever he's not with his family.

All of a sudden the volume turns up painfully, leaving Dean stumbling a bit. He blinks irritated and sees himself on the Titantron, Roman and Seth right beside him.

There's a steel chair in Seth's hands, Triple H and his two darlings stand at the end of the ramp and Dean knows what's coming next. Has relived this moment so many times in his dreams that he can count down the seconds until Seth will hit Roman with a chair.

_Dean Ambrose was never my brother. And I've said before many, many times that Dean Ambrose was only a business associate._

But the shot never comes.

_We all had different relationships between each other, but me and Seth, we're definitely the tightest._

No, that's not how Dean remembers Roman's interview. It wasn't Seth's name that fell, because their baby brother isn't his best friend. Which is a horrible thing to say in the first place, but Ro was never one to hide the truth.

'Me and Seth, we're definitely the tightest,' Roman echoes, as if he could read Dean's mind and waves his hand at Seth, signaling him to attack. Dean waits for the chair shot, directs his gaze to the ropes because that's where his brother will land but the moment he feels agonizing pain shoot through his head, he realizes that he just got a fucking con-chair-to.

He's proud and devastated at the same time, falling flat on his face due to the impact.

There's satisfaction because his brothers are acting as partners again, copying a move of one of the greatest teams in WWE history – not the greatest in Dean's book but pretty impressive nonetheless – and dismay because both of his best friends, his _family_ , just turned on him, giving him a concussion.

Seems like they really dropped the dead weight dragging them down. He knew it all along.

The assault doesn't stop there. Of course it doesn't. Seth hits him with that damn chair until it's completely bent and destroyed while Roman waits patiently, biding his time. He gets dragged up by Seth's strong arms just so that Roman can spear him – this time totally on purpose.

_Never my friend, never my brother._

Dean can't even tell which part of his body hurts the most. Even in this dream he feels the overwhelming pain trying to convince him it's better to just pass out. _Everything_ is better than enduring this.

_I never gave a damn about you._

Yeah, he gets it. He's experiencing it first hand right now. Apparently, he doesn't deserve his family, his little bubble of happiness and safety. But this doesn't change a thing. Not because it's a dream, and it hopefully still is one because Dean could never live with both of them leaving him behind.

No. Because for some reason, he still wants Seth in his life as something more than his friend.

He's admitted it in front of the whole world. Twice now. And that was not just an illusion.

'You're lucky you're so cute,' Roman's voice breaks through the cheers of the fans – look at that; even they enjoy him suffering, lying battered and beaten on the cold hard ground –, leaving Dean perplexed. Is he talking to Seth? Because saying that to Dean when he's just rearranged his whole insides is the lowest low blow he could deliver. Like, ever.

'I can't do shit. Not until Dean makes the first step,' Seth whispers pretty close to his ear, so Dean tries to roll onto his back to see what the hell is going on. But it hurts so much that he can't even move an inch, so Dean just squeezes his eyes shut again, hoping that someone will save him from this nightmare.

It's not the most gruesome one he's ever had – usually a lot of people die in every possible way which is the exact reason why he hates horror movies so much, or he relives the years with his mother – but it's definitely one of the most mortifying ones.

Roman has never left his side, would never even think about it, but in this world it seems so plausible. Because who wants to be friends with the unhinged one? The unstable, violent lunatic? Being in their shoes, he'd stay away from himself too.

'I'm proud of you,' Roman says, voice sounding far away and distant, as if he's hearing it over a bad telephone line. There's also some music in the background, confusing him even more. Since when do they have crappy tunes playing in the WWE?

Or, he should clarify, crappy to the point of ripping the radio out and throwing it out of the window, not just shitty entrance bull that makes you want to kill the person who came up with it.

'Whoa, Rome wha–' 'Shh, Dean's sleeping,' Ro cuts Seth off brusquely, but Dean can hear the smile in his voice. His best friend is happy about something he doesn't understand.

Dean tries to move his legs but he can't, a stinging pain shooting through his numb limbs. Opening his eyes is surprisingly easy, and for a moment he doesn't know where he is, a light gray wall mere inches away from his face.

Then it hits him. He's in the car, accompanying Seth on his journey to talk to the Undertaker and Roman is driving, which means they haven't reached Phoenix yet. And he can't move because he's been lying in this fetal position for hours now, his whole body stiff to the point it's like nails are getting hammered deep into his skin.

Somehow, he woke up without Roman having to slap him. Somehow he broke free from the vice-like clutches of his own mind.

Roman is still by his side. Seth does work for the Authority but he's also still his brother. Dean is not alone. Nor is he lonely.

Right now, everything is fine. He's _home_.

* * *

**Tuesday 19th  
10:01 am**

Roman stops the car, trying only half-heartedly to hide his satisfied grin. He could have chosen all the coves of the lake but he decided he wanted to make a final stop before Phoenix at the Honeymoon Cove. Just to tease Seth a little bit.

'Get out,' he orders, voice strong yet gentle. Dean is still sleeping on the backseat, whimpering from time to time. He's pretty sure Seth hasn't caught wind of it yet, thinking it to be a part of his imagination or the music they are listening to.

Seth has experienced some of the signs Dean shows in his sleep whenever he's having a brutal nightmare but he hasn't witnessed them in their full entirety, because things deteriorated rapidly after he turned on them; leaving only Roman to take care of those cruel dreams and their aftermaths.

He knows he'll have to wake Dean soon, especially if the signals intensify that his best friend is trapped in a world he doesn't understand, one that throws him back in time and haunts him with whatever he fears most.

But for now, he wants to give his brother some rest. Especially after what happened on Raw last night. And when this whole road trip is over, Roman will make sure that Dean does go to a hospital. Getting his head kicked through a bunch of cinderblocks must have left some bruises.

And there's still a bone he has to pick with Seth, who probably thought he'd come off this unscathed. Oh no, Roman is just getting ready to verbally punch his baby brother into the ground.

'Isn't this illegal?' Seth asks, looking around suspiciously. Roman just shrugs and opens the car door, waving at his friend to do the same. He's never been here, has just seen the sign at the side of the road a few miles back and came up with this plan pretty much spontaneously.

They won't be here for long anyway, so Seth can relax. If anyone sees them parking here, he'll take the blame. But who cares to come out to the lake on a Tuesday morning?

'Shut up or I'll drown you in the Jackass Cove, which should be right over there,' he says, pointing ahead without knowing if it's the right direction. But his words have the desired effect anyway, so he doesn't really care. Seth grimaces and sits down on the hood, playing around with his water bottle.

'Why are we resting here? It's just another forty minutes or so until Phoenix,' Seth complains, fingers shaking a bit more than his voice. He knows very well what's coming next and his brother is not looking forward to it. Roman sighs inwardly. Seth didn't expect to get away with insulting his family and severely hurting Dean without telling them, did he?

All Roman wants to know is why and what the hell he was thinking. And then he expects an apology. Seth better have a good explanation for all this or Roman will seriously consider the drowning part again.

'Because we need to talk before you're alone with Dean.' He's not letting his brother drive through the country, caged together with Seth in the small confines of a car, without making sure it's going to be a pleasant trip for him. The last thing Dean needs right now it some overly touchy-feely, lovey-dovey crap.

'Are you mad because I made him join me even though he wanted to seize the chance to disappear from the face of the earth for some time?' Yes and no. Dean deserves a break from Roman, Seth and everything in between. But he gets why their baby brother can't do this alone and chose Dean to accompany him.

It's just that Set has the worst timing ever and also a lot of explaining to do before Roman lets him run wild with his partner in crime.

'Are you mad because I didn't ask you?' Seth whispers, eyes fixed on the blue water in front of them. Roman sits down next to him, taking the bottle out of his brother's hands to sip from it, buying himself some time.

'Maybe,' he admits, not quite sure how he feels about this whole thing. It's not that he wouldn't want to spend the next days traveling to Austin to meet up with the Undertaker. He has nothing against the man or being back together with both of his brothers.

But deep down he knows that it's not his fight, that this is something Seth has to do on his own. Or, in this case, with Dean as moral support. Just like he can't interfere in any interaction Seth and Dean have on television.

He and Dean have an agreement to win their battles on their own, to prove to themselves that they can hold their own weight. It hurts to be backstage, unable to protect Dean from any vicious attacks, but he has given his brother his word and he won't break it until Dean asks for help.

Roman can see it clear as day though that Taker and his brother will make fun of Seth and won't ever stop – just because they have a connection not even Dean understands.

There's a slight breeze ruffling through their hair, the wind carrying the salty scent of the lake and the pure one of untouched nature with it. He could stay here forever; a part of him even wants to wake Dean up right now, so he can see this beauty with his own eyes.

But they need to move on eventually. The world doesn't stop turning because Roman wants his family back.

'I get it,' he finally adds, giving Seth his drink back. 'You want to mend what got broken over the course of the past four days. And I don't mean the cinderblocks.'

Seth cringes and draws up his knees so he can rest his chin on them. It tells Roman everything he hasn't asked – in fear of getting this reaction – but needs to know anyway. The hideous attack on Dean last night has been Seth's idea. Not Triple H's, not Stephanie's, not Kane's.

Seth is responsible for giving Dean what he suspects is some severe head and spine trauma. Dean had been responsive when they carried him backstage, had even talked to Roman and the medics and refused to get transported to a nearby hospital, but Roman had seen it in his eyes.

His brother wasn't himself. Or, he should say, not entirely himself because Dean rebuffs medical attention no matter what kind of injury he suffered and hates being touched by anyone who isn't in his tiny circle of people he trusts or aren't his co-workers.

That kick through those blocks has damaged something, and Roman doesn't only mean Dean's head or spine. Whatever Seth was thinking, that definitely took the cake.

He imitates his cousin Dwayne before he even realizes what he's doing, holding out his hand to make the well known _Just Bring It_ gesture. He wants an explanation and he wants it now.

'I had to do something rash and drastic after the ice bucket thing and complaining so childishly to Hunter,' Seth mutters a bit ashamed before sighing loudly and sucking in a shaky breath. 'But I prepared them together with Kane, so they'd break easily.'

If Seth wouldn't look like a kicked puppy most of the time he sees him these days, Roman would bash his head in with that plastic bottle for sounding so damn proud of himself just because he had the presence of mind to notch the blocks beforehand.

'Doesn't mean the kick hurt any less. Have you looked at him? He's pale as a ghost and moving really ponderous, like he can't even properly control his body anymore,' Roman shoots back, trying to keep the anger out of his voice because he thinks that all of this might actually be his fault.

He has told Seth that Dean wanted to take a break from wrestling and that he was wracking his brain how to justify a few weeks off without people constantly trying to check in on him or having to do physical therapy. Of course Seth would try to come up with a solution; that's just what he does.

But this was a tad too brutal. After all the things Seth threw at his brother ever since he ran away, Roman expected something a little more sagacious and tender. Not breaking his best friend's skull with bricks. That shit is dangerous as hell.

'I panicked,' Seth tries to defend himself but Roman won't have any of that.

'That's not good enough. You could have broken his neck. No, don't even think about talking back at me now. There's always a chance that something goes wrong. This time, you got lucky. Dean is not fine, but at least he's alive. I will only say this once because I think it's pretty obvious, but if you hurt him just one more time, I'm going to rip you apart limb by limb.'

Seth nods, still avoiding his gaze but Roman can feel him getting depressed. Good. His little brother is so fucking smart but sometimes he makes decisions Roman can't understand even if he tries to and that was definitely one of them.

'You can feud all you want with him, because the fans love it and I think it's not only good for both of you but also pretty entertaining. Your matches are always a joy to watch because they tend to steal the show, but stop hurting him. Just stop it, Seth.'

His brother nods once more, this time daring to look him in the eyes quickly. Roman shows him the typical alpha stare, smiling grimly when Seth bites his bottom lip with a heart-wrenching, grief-stricken expression.

'Why didn't you bring us into the loop, so we would be prepared for it?' he accidentally loses his cool for a second. Due to the fact that Seth didn't tell them, Dean went missing after the show and Roman had to hook up with Seth to search for his injured brother, both of them worried sick.

Seth puffs his cheeks, frustrated because he can't come up with a reason that Roman will accept. 'There was no time and I couldn't find you. I had to move fast and prepare those blocks.' His friend is right. Roman doesn't count this as a good explanation.

'Phones are a thing,' he says, voice dripping with sarcasm. He hears an impatient sigh that makes him angry for approximately zero point five seconds, because Seth begs him almost immediately, 'Rome, please. I already feel bad enough because of all this.'

It's not that Roman enjoys setting his friend straight over and over again, but he _is_ the oldest and he feels responsible for both of his brothers.

Watching Dean getting Curb Stomped into an early grave is not something he wants to get used to. Or listening to his baby brother, one of the people he loves unconditionally, lie to the entire universe how he never considered himself a part of their family.

Roman knows it's a lie – well, actually, he just firmly believes it to be one, because otherwise it would break him too – but Dean doesn't have that kind of faith. Not anymore. They need to work on that too, but Roman can only do so much. In the end, it's up to his two little brothers to sort this one out on their own.

What he can do is chide Seth for doing that promo on Smackdown and appeal to his conscience. Simply because it cut so deep and led to Dean shutting himself away again. The mood in their hotel room had been exactly like all these weeks ago in their rental car the night they firmly believed Seth had sold out.

And Roman is so damn tired of not being able to emotionally reach Dean when he's like that.

'Alright, so tell me: when are you going to apologize to him for Friday?' he inquires, finally letting go of some of his anger, lying back down against the windshield. Seth looks at him a bit confused, as if he seriously has no clue what Roman wants from him.

Bitch, please.

'He knows I–' Oh God, _no_. 'I don't care, Seth. You hurt him. Us, to be honest, but I tend to forgive a lot easier and I'm not the one you have to justify yourself to. I just don't get it. Why did you have to stoop so low? His faith, trust issues and mental constitution are frail enough as it is.'

Seth nods, head bowed down like a scolded dog. 'I will talk to him,' his brother whispers a bit helplessly and Roman is a heartbeat away from hugging him close to make all his pain go away. But it's not yet time for that, so he just adds a cold-hearted, 'Good.'

It works better than he thought it would. Seth practically explodes, throwing his hands around animatedly while trying to appease one half of the alpha brothers. Roman can't say that he doesn't enjoy watching his brother sweat blood and tears after everything he has done lately. It's hard not to smile at the kid's effort.

'I know I hurt you both when I walked out on you and even though some other people seem to forget that I left you behind too, _I_ haven't. I know that when I'm done fixing things with Dean, I'll have to make it up to you too.'

No, he really doesn't. All Roman wants it a little feud himself, so he can get a piece of Seth's ass in the ring too. Just to show the world and his baby brother to never mess with the big guy or their brotherhood again. Other than that, Roman has to admit that he isn't mad about the so-called betrayal anymore.

He knows Seth made the wrong choice by joining the Authority but what's done is done. All they can do now is stay together against all odds until Seth can officially come back to them, so Roman can take care of his whole family again.

'You can start with treating Dean the way he deserves it.' Oh wow. He's on a roll. But maybe it's just one of those days where he has to take drastic measures. He doesn't want to be the chiding older brother all the time but it is fun to torture Seth a bit.

Dean is rubbing off on him.

'Rome, I'm sorry for what I said.' It's barely loud enough to be heard in the warm breeze, but he can make out sincerity and self-hatred, which finally does the trick. Seth has suffered enough and it's time to talk about this like two adults. He's not through with his former partner yet, but he drops the cold facade and changes back into the caring big brother.

'I know,' he sighs, placing a hand on Seth's left shoulder to squeeze it gently. 'I just wish you wouldn't have let it slip at all.' For some reason, Dean can't tell truth and lie apart whenever they're having a conversation in the ring and every insult Seth throws at him instantly shoots into his arteries to poison his heart and brain from within.

'I thought it'd be the perfect,' Seth starts but he has to cut him off right there. Roman doesn't even want to hear the rest of it. 'It was. Or rather, would have been if Dean wouldn't care about you at all. This way it just broke his heart all over again.' Boom. And that shattered Seth's.

His friend looks at him, eyes wide open and shocked as hell, before Roman's gets to witness the saddest expression he has ever seen. Seems like Roman just spilled a secret his brother hadn't expected at all.

'He didn't– He never said–' Seth stutters helplessly, fingers shaking so badly that Roman takes them into his own. He really can't tell how he does it but the moment their skin touches, Seth calms down. Maybe he has some magical powers or something. Or it's just that he seems to be so relaxed and collected all the time that it's contagious.

But what other choice does he have with a ball of chaotic energy like Dean and an eager, bouncing puppy like Seth?

'Of course he didn't,' he ends Seth's stammering with a lopsided grin. 'I was wondering why you aren't all over him, trying to make it up to him ever since Smackdown. I mean, how could you miss his reaction to your words?'

He gets a mumbled, 'He was too far away for me to properly see his face.' Which explains a lot. Especially why Seth thinks it's okay to drag Dean to Austin just mere days after he let those words loose and why he's not apologizing for it all day long – even screaming at a sleeping Dean.

So Roman thinks it's his duty to retell everything as detailed and gruesome as he can while never letting go of his friend's hands.

'I gotta give him credit. He was pretty composed and laughed your rambling off up to the point you started insulting him. Dean still somehow managed to brush even that off, but then you hauled out the big guns, stabbing him in his soul how you never cared about him, never thought of him as your brother.'

Seth tries to turn away, but Roman holds him firmly in place, unwilling to let this matter go just because it's making his brother uncomfortable. He put Dean through hell, so Roman won't allow Seth to take the easy way out.

'I mean, you of all people have to know how much family, the two of us, mean to him. And still you go out there and destroy the one thing he loves the most but is so insecure about.'

He stares his baby brother down for a long, long time, not sure if he wants to hear some half-assed bullshit or not until he just sighs and slides down the hood, dragging Seth with him, so he can embrace the tiny frame of his brother for a while.

Seth's body seems to melt in his arms and Roman regrets the hug a bit because the longer they stay like this, the more Roman can feel how his bad temper quiets down.

'Come on, let's hit the road again. I'm getting really tired.'

Dean is still in his own world, hasn't even moved since he fell asleep a few hours ago – and boy, does this posture look horribly awful – so they get in the car as quiet as they can. Roman lets his gaze wander over the cove one last time before he drives back to the highway.

He thinks about letting this topic go, but then he realizes that there is one more thing he has forgotten to say. And he will make sure that Dean gets what he deserves. He will text his best friend later to make sure Seth kept his word.

'You know, if that even hurt me, how do you think Dean feels?' he breaks the silence while changing the lane to pass an elderly couple in a Honda that's ready for the scarp heap. Seth looks out of the window, probably hoping to go deaf, so he doesn't have to hear this.

'You can vouch for your undying love all you want – which you should tone down, by the way, because you're doing more harm than good with that –, but as soon as you let out such utter crap you demolish _everything_ you've accomplished. I thought this would be clear to you by now.'

Unsurprisingly, Seth stays silent. Which is Roman's cue to deliver the final blow.

'After the show, Dean acted exactly like he did when you left us for good. It was the same heartbroken, betrayed, stunned Dean I couldn't get through to back in June and I don't like that. At all. Seth, I don't expect you to apologize, and I'm not asking you to. I _demand_ it.'

And then he hopes that they'll never have to talk about this again. From now on, when Seth decides to verbally decimate Dean – or maybe even him, because he wants a piece of Seth too – he's counting on his baby brother to hash things out with them first, so they'll always be prepared for the worst.

'Yessir,' Seth mutters, voice oozing with shame and self-hatred. Now that he got that off his chest, Roman feels much better. He can finally be the relaxed, good-natured big brother again, instead of the protective, stern leader.

He ruffles through his friend's hair with a huge grin on his face, easing the tension with a chuckled, 'You're lucky you're so cute.'

He gets a hesitant smile for that; Seth trying in vain to get more comfortable, squirming around in his seat until he just gives up, sighing defeated.

'So, anything else you wanna talk about?'

'Like what?' comes the instant reply. Well, now that they're done with the serious stuff, Roman wants to tease his friend some more until they reach their destination. It's actually a miracle that Seth hasn't crumbled so far, his feelings exploding all over the place because of what Dean said in the ring.

'Oh, you know, just Dean telling you that he loves you.' No biggie, right? It's not like that gave Dean the heebie jeebies or anything. These two idiots will be the death of him.

Seth rummages through the glove box and takes out one of his annoying nutrition bars – seriously, is he even eating something normal anymore? Roman listens to his brother rip the thing open, chewing slowly before he answers very levelheaded, 'He hasn't said a word about it since Sunday, so I wanna wait until he's ready.'

It's so absurd that Roman has to fight the urge to laugh. 'Really?'

'No,' Seth hisses to not wake Dean – which does remind Roman that he wanted to do exactly that for a while now. 'I'm _dying_ to talk about it, but what can I do? He's ignoring his confession, the kiss, his frustration and desperation after he Curb Stomped me, so long story short, I can't do shit. Not until Dean makes the first step.'

Roman checks the rearview mirror for any cars and slows down when he sees one rushing towards them. While he waits for the Porsche to pass, he claps Seth brotherly on the knee and flashes him a face-splitting smile.

'Very mature,' he praises his friend's attitude. Dean will definitely appreciate Seth's decision to take it slow. 'I'm proud of you.'

He can feel the relief washing over his brother, as well as the wish to say something, but there's no need for further talking. Not between the two of them. So Roman just slams on the brakes, the car coming to a forced halt and Seth almost hits his head on the dashboard.

'Whoa, Rome wha–' 'Shh, Dean's sleeping,' he cuts his brother off, barely able to suppress a grin, and keeps on driving as if nothing ever happened. In the back, he hears Dean breathe in confused.

Mission accomplished.


	4. let me take you away from here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Roman takes out the luggage they need for the night and locks the car, watching them with a fond smile until their gazes meet. 'So, what's it gonna be?'_
> 
> _As if Seth would ever defy his family. 'We're a team, right?' he beams back at his brother, basking in the body heat and close proximity of Dean. 'Whatever you wanna do, I'll_ always _have your back.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is for all of you who wanted some Shield interaction before the break up.

**Tuesday, 19** **th  
** **4:22 pm**

'Okay, but I'd really like to see you cash in on him.'

Dean is making fun of him ever since he woke up just outside of Phoenix, which means Seth is sitting in this car listening to his friend chuckle for more than five hours now.

Apparently, Dean needs something to distract himself from his injuries or the aftermath of the past week, but picturing very detailed how he would laugh his ass off and watch Brock Lesnar destroy him as soon as he even thinks about using the contract is, admittedly, funny as hell but also very insulting.

'I'm not that stupid,' he hisses, debating with himself for the umpteenth time if he should crash the car into the next ditch. Dean just snickers delightedly, clapping on his thighs happily. Seth has given up to tell him he's not supposed to rest his feet on the dashboard because he can't see out of the right wing mirror.

He hears another can being opened – Dean must be downing the tenth instant coffee by now; Seth is going to have a hell of a problem getting him to sleep later, so they can drive the rest of the way to Austin tomorrow morning – when his brother asks him with a fake sweet smile, 'What if daddy wants you to?'

Seth grabs his brother's drink to take a sip himself before he looks over to Dean. 'You may have broken my brain with that Curb Stomp on Sunday – perfect execution by the way – but I am _not_ getting my ass kicked by that three hundred pound gorilla. I do value my life.'

Dean claims his beverage back, waves at some children in a car that passes them before he turns his head around and flashes him a toothy grin. 'I'd still like to see you try.'

'You would stand there at ringside – or now, that you're on vacation, you'd sit at home, chips and popcorn on the couch next to you – and watch Brock tear me apart.' What a great brother he has. Though Seth can tell that Roman would probably rather join Dean on the sofa than help him out.

He cheated to get the Money in the Bank briefcase and now – even with Dean gone – he still has no opportunity to cash it in and become the new WWE World Heavyweight Champion. In fact, he's not quite sure if anyone wants to challenge Brock for that title. Except for John Cena, who will definitely insist on his rematch as soon as he recovers from that victimization. Rise above being conquered and all that.

'Heck yeah,' Dean affirms, obviously proud with that little fact. Seth sighs exasperated and steps hard on the gas pedal, suddenly very eager to reach Van Horn, so he'll get some space to breathe. He really doesn't know why he expected this road trip to be any different than all the others he's had with Dean.

Making fun of him or his misery is his brother's favorite way of passing the time in a car after all. Seth has brought this one on himself.

'What have I done to you to deserve this?' The question leaves his mouth before he even thinks about the words and how freaking moronic they are. Dean doesn't deem him worthy of a reply; just gives him that look that tells him more than he ever wanted to know.

And because he is stupid as fuck his lips move on their own again, getting him even deeper in the shit. 'What have I done to you _lately_ to deserve this?'

'Oh, let me think about that for a second,' Dean starts and Seth barely refrains from rolling his eyes. Sarcasm is oozing out of every syllable his brother says – which sadly doesn't mean that this doesn't sting like hell. 'How about this? Insulting me and our brotherhood repeatedly, putting my head through a pile of cinderblocks and most importantly, robbing me of my second Pay-Per-View victory. With the same cheap trick, I might add. Any of that ring a bell?'

Yeah, that's partly what he thought Dean would say. Though Seth expected something like _you made me confess my feelings in the ring_ or _you're the reason I want to commit myself to an asylum until all that defines us goes away_ , so he actually came off well. All things considered.

'I had nothing to do with Kane holding that ladder at Money in the Bank and interfering in our Lumberjack match. He is our ally but I gave him free reign in case Hunter tells him something he keeps from me.' Which happens a lot these days and is another thing on Seth's sheer endless list of stuff he needs to worry about whenever he has the time for that.

'Yeah, whatever,' Dean pipes in bluntly, giving him a playful slap on the arm. 'Fact is, you stole my win. Again.' Fine. He did. Not willingly, but in the end it's his name in the history books and not Dean's – even though he was the one who deserved to win each and every match they had so far.

Seth watches the road for a while, wondering how he can soothe Dean. Even after five minutes he still can't think of anything intelligent to say, so he just bursts out, 'But together we stole the show.'

Dean laughs hollowly and empties the coffee before he throws the cup on the backseat and resumes to tap with his fingers on his legs, following a rhythm only Dean knows. 'Of course we did,' his brother adds, stifling a yawn. 'It's almost sad that the fans won't get to see another match with us in a while.'

So Dean wants to challenge Seth in the ring some more? Sure he does. Until he hasn't walked out of a Pay-Per-View with a victory he won't be satisfied. Dean still has a point to prove. So does Seth. A different one though, which is why he's really totally fine with Dean continuing to haunt him until the day they die.

But the thing is that Dean has never told him or Roman how long he plans on taking a break. It could be anything from one week to a whole year. One never knows with Dean. So naturally, Seth tries to probe as subtly as he can. He hasn't even had to make it through one show without his brother being there but he's already at breaking point.

'You could still stay with us in Phoenix.' 'Not now, Seth,' is all he gets, Dean's tone getting darker and more rough, so he retreats for the time being. He's willing to wait and strike when Dean least expects it. Maybe that will lead to his friend accidentally telling the truth about this whole _I need to get away from you_ – oh.

Now that does ring a very painful bell. Seth remembers a dark, shabby alley, Dean having a panic attack and Seth telling him that he had to leave Dean because he needed to frantically get away from his family and escape the responsibility of holding Dean's heart in his hands.

Maybe this is his friend's payback. Or he doesn't even care about Seth's motives from all these months ago and just takes some time off because that's the only thing working for him. Dean loves to disappear without a word.

Seth can't wait for the day he will tell him the reason why he does it all the time. He's pretty sure it has something to do with his childhood but Dean refuses to talk about that, so Seth is too afraid to simply ask. Once again, all he can do is lie low and wait for Dean to open up.

'Does this mean you'll let me do the Dirty Deeds on you one day?' Because really, stealing someone's finishing move is not funny. Especially since no one ever told him he'd get a taste of his own medicine on live television. That damn move let him see stars.

'No way,' Dean growls and takes a look at the GPS, huffing out in frustration because they're still a good two hours away from their destination. 'I just wanted to show you what it's like to get Curb Stomped.'

'It's not nice.' Sometimes he just doesn't think about all those people who are on the receiving end of his signature moves. But now he'll never forget how awful the headache was he got from that and how much his brain got shaken up. He sincerely hopes he won't ever have to endure that in his life again.

'No shit, Sherlock,' Dean answers, gaze wandering out of the window again. The following silence is really uncomfortable; both of them dancing around the real issue at hand. Dean deliberately, Seth because he has no other choice if he doesn't want to watch his brother jump out of the speeding car.

Seth chuckles, remembering very vividly how Dean's boot felt on the skin of his neck, how Dean had kissed him on the head and told him that he loves him and that he's sorry. And then his head smashed against the canvas, Dean's pained _Fuck_ drowning out all other sounds in the arena.

'I think I blacked out for a second,' Seth finally admits a bit grudgingly, because who the hell gets taken out by their own finishing move? Dean pats him lightly on the head like he's some poor child, but the bright, innocent smile that's directed at him makes up for that.

'You spaced out at least three times during that match,' Dean says, obviously very proud with his deed, and Seth can't even be mad about that. Because even with all the wrath and disappointment he undoubtedly had to deal with during that match, Dean still managed to swallow his pride to let Seth get away with the victory. Sure, Dean could have fought back, but with Kane at ringside he knew he'd never have a fair chance. So he did the only thing that made sense to him.

'Thanks for guiding me so I could get the cover.'

Dean just waves his gratitude off and turns up the volume of the radio. Which basically means that the time for talking is over. Well, that wasn't so bad. Still a lot of opportunities to improve, but hey, the trip just started.

Seth has been thinking about Dean helping him to get the pin a lot – constantly, to be honest – because it confuses him so much. Of course, there's the obvious answer that Dean was just tired of fighting a war in which he's outnumbered. But then again, it's _Dean_ , Mr I don't give a shit about my physical well-being or who crosses me.

If he really had wanted to get up once more, he'd have done it. But Dean stayed down and let Seth steal the win. So, did a part of him want Seth to be victorious because secretly he's proud of his brother?

Or so that Dean will have a reason to continue this feud for Seth's sake?

It's driving him nuts that he can't read his friend's mind. Dean once had been an open book, but nowadays Seth just can't decipher the code he's written in.

'You up for the song game?' Dean interrupts his thoughts, pointing to the radio. Oh God, yes. One of their games is exactly what he needs to calm down. His thoughts have reached a dead end and it doesn't help if he concentrates on the wrong thing on their road trip.

Though he really should be going over what he'll tell the Undertaker and how he'll convince him to let his little brother back into his life.

'Always,' he sighs relieved, knowing full well that he's setting himself up for another loss. He grins at Dean anyway, bragging, 'I'm gonna beat you this time.'

Dean just snorts, 'If you say so.' Yeah, Seth fails miserably at almost every game they've ever come up with. And the _guess the song before the chorus hits_ has never been his favorite. He really should start listening to some other music too.

_'Holy moly, this is really hard,' Seth complains, squirming in his seat to get more comfortable but it's a fruitless attempt. He's wedged in between his brother's suitcases because not all of their stuff fit into the trunk of this stupid, horribly tiny and for some reason of fish stinking rental car._

_With Dean and Roman being so tall, they got to be up front, but they rolled their seats back as far as they could, so Seth had no other choice than to rest his legs on the backseat. He's trying to find a good position for hours now, but it seems impossible with Dean's duffel stuffed under his knees and Roman's suitcase poking into his spine._

_'Michael Jackson,' Dean counters, a mean grin dancing over his face. Seth can't see it, but he damn well hears it. They're being really evil to him tonight, coming up with yet another game he just naturally_ sucks _at. They only do this because he takes so much pride in being the smart one and who doesn't love to outwit the genius?_

_'I hate you,' he moans, crossing his arms over his chest, not even caring that he's pouting like a little boy. 'You wish,' Dean laughs, and Seth ponders over strangling him from behind with the seatbelt._

_'James Dean,' Roman comes up with yet another person, big smile plastered on his face. They're enjoying this a little too much. Tonight might be the first time Seth can't even score one meager point and it's making them cocky and him grumpy._

_'Seriously?' he groans annoyed and decides to sulk on the backseat until this stupid game is over. He hasn't won a single one so far and for some reason he believes he'll never experience a win either. Not until they choose to go easy on him._

_Thankfully Dean does take pity on him and changes the subject for now. 'You guys ready to take on the Rhodes?' Battleground is just around the corner and Seth has a bad feeling about this match, if he's completely honest. There is so much at stake for Cody and his half-brother – and their father – that the Rhodes family sure will find a way to lure him and Roman into a trap._

_One way or another._

_Anyway, he doesn't want Dean to think he's a pansy, worrying over a match that isn't even for the Championship. For various reasons Seth wants to impress Dean whenever he can, while trying to make his brother realize that he is more to Seth than just a family member._

_But Dean is either oblivious as hell or he's not interested. And that he just can't accept. Seth has a lot of irresistible charm he just has to use the right way. Dean will come around soon. 'Sure,' he gloats a bit too much, earning a stern look from Roman through the rearview mirror._

_Their big brother is in the know about Seth's seemingly eternal quest for Dean's heart, supporting him in every way he can while staying out of their business at the same time._

_'But if they lose, they'll have to give up their dream.' Seth watches how Dean turns his head towards Roman to study their friend's face closely. Both of them are currently trying to understand if Rome is hinting at a deliberate loss or not._

_Seth hates hearing the bell ring and the announcer doesn't call out his name, but it seems like Roman has already made up his mind. And in the end, Seth would follow Dean and Roman into the fiery depths of hell, no matter how much he might be against their plan._

_Which is the reason why he usually demands to come up with all the schemes._

_Dean decides that flat out stating the obvious is better than beating around the bush. 'And if you lose, they'll challenge you for the titles which might result in you losing more than just a match.'_

_'I know,' Roman answers calmly, not even bothered by all that. It really shows that he's the oldest and the one who's not fazed by anything. Except if his family gets hurt. Then he hulks out, mowing down everyone that stands in his way. 'Colin Morgan.'_

_Oh, for the love of God. How the heck do they even know so many celebrities with names that consist only of first names? There must be someone Seth has come across too. It can't be that hard, he just has to concentrate more._

_'But?' he hears Dean pressing on, sensing that there's more to the whole thing. Roman shrugs, before going quiet for a while, brooding on the inside over whatever is bothering him. Seth uses the silence to go through every movie he has ever seen to get at least one point in this goddamn game._

_When Rome won't answer, Dean starts humming a melody Seth doesn't recognize – which is not surprising at all – but hearing it has this strange effect on him. He instantly relaxes, suddenly not angry about his uncomfortable position or his inability to score anymore, a smile settling down on his face._

_His friend isn't the most extrovert person outside of the ring but he has this habit of singing that either pumps Seth and Roman up for a match or does the exact opposite, easing all tension and just generally making his day a lot better. It's a shame that Dean doesn't do it very often, because he has a beautiful voice and Seth could listen to him for the rest of his life._

_'I don't know. They're kinda funny and you know I like weird,' Roman finally says, stepping down on the gas to pass a whole series of trucks. Dean waves and flips off one of the truck drivers when they get a private concert of angry honking._

_'I've noticed. Bradley Cooper.' Oh, why didn't he think of him? Seriously, this game is awful. Seth is a second away from just giving up when he recalls Roman's words and their initial conversation._

_'Wait,' he interjects, clapping his big brother on the shoulder, 'so you really_ do _want_ _to lose?' Because that's the impression Seth gets. Legacy or not, Seth is a very proud man and losing is not something he does until there is no other way. Actually, he'd rather die than admit he wasn't good enough. And that counts also for everything outside of work._

_'I never said that,' comes the reassuring reply, but Seth isn't convinced in the slightest. Roman totally is trying to talk him into helping some other guys keep their jobs because he feels sorry for them or whatever it is that melted Rome's heart. It seems a bit hypocritical because they have attacked Dusty and his sons on numerous occasions to prove their superiority or some other dominance bullshit. 'Michael Douglas.'_

_'Oh, for God's sake,' Seth yells frustrated. However he doesn't stay mad for long because Roman flashes a smile at Dean who starts laughing out really loud, looking back at Seth with this really happy sparkle in his eyes that just makes his heart flutter around nervously and overjoyed in his chest._

_As soon as the amused laughter ebbs away, Roman darts one of his big brother looks at him through the mirror. 'I enjoy being your partner, especially because I still have so much to learn. And it's awesome having two titles in The Shield, but think about what consequences our victory would have. We would destroy a whole dynasty.'_

_'I wouldn't mind ending the Orton dynasty,' Dean mumbles loud enough for both of them to hear, but comes back to the pressing matter at hand immediately. Seems like he too doesn't understand how Roman can even think about helping someone they can't even stand._

_As much as Seth hates losing, Dean loathes standing helplessly at ringside, watching his family being defeated even more._

_'Since when do we care about others? Bradley James.' This can't be real. They must have made a list before they talked Seth into playing this game. 'You guys, stop it,' he laments, ready to call this charade off when it hits him. 'No, wait. Peter Parker.'_

_Dean turns around and clicks his tongue approvingly. Seth smiles back at him, warmth spreading through his whole body and starting to pool somewhere in his stomach and cheeks. That is until Dean opens his mouth._

_'Not bad. Not good though. I hate to break it to you, brother, but Spiderman isn't real. And before you try to say names like Justin Gabriel or Steve Austin, I'm gonna have to tell you that wrestlers are banned for various reasons.'_

_He hates this game._

_Roman changes the lane to not miss their exit. Looks like they're almost there which is the best news Seth has heard all day. He needs to get out of this car as soon as possible. Right now they're packed in like sardines and it's not funny. He can't even feel his right leg anymore._

_'I don't care about_ them, _' Roman clarifies. 'But I do care about the fans. People love Cody, you Seth feel like you owe Dusty a lot and Goldust is kind of a really bizarre legend, isn't he? No one is saying we're going to lose the titles to them just because they win at Battleground. And even if they take them away from us, we've had the belts for a while now and it's not like we'll never hold them again. Maybe right now, it's time for something new.'_

_My, my, look at that. Roman has some good arguments there._ If _he's going to agree to this, he won't do it for the Rhodes family. Seth will do it only for the fans. And he doesn't ever want to hear that he hasn't given it all to please them._

_Dean points over to the motel they've booked online and holds up his hands in defeat afterwards. 'Hey, it's your match, those are your titles. Do with them what you want.' As if there is any doubt where this conversation will end. Seth suspects that he never had a chance to disagree with the almighty pack leader. Not that he even wanted to._

_'Jeffrey Dean Morgan. Ha, that's three in one. You can't top that,' Dean grins happily, moving his body to do a little victory dance, while biting on his bottom lip and winking back at Seth. Losing this game just got totally worth it._

_'So, Dean has four and I got three. Seth?' Roman asks, parking the car in front of the motel. Now somebody needs to open the door and help him out of here. All of his limbs have gone dead by now; he'll probably even have to ask one of them to carry him to their room._

_'I'm out,' he mutters defeated, but at the same time glad that it's finally over. Next time he'll show them what he is capable of. But then again, he's been saying this since the creation of The Shield._

_Roman chuckles and gets out of the car, Dean following suit. The pressure on his back vanishes when Rome opens the door and his suitcase falls out. 'No, no that,' his brother says, grabbing Seth under the armpits to haul him out of there and prop him against the hood._

_Seth's knees buckle immediately, his legs not able to hold his weight, and the ground comes closer very fast until another strong arm wraps itself around his waist. Dean claps him on the chest with his free hand while holding him upright to walk around in circles with him cautiously._

_Roman takes out the luggage they need for the night and locks the car, watching them with a fond smile until their gazes meet. 'So, what's it gonna be?'_

_As if Seth would ever defy his family. 'We're a team, right?' he beams back at his brother, basking in the body heat and close proximity of Dean. 'Whatever you wanna do, I'll_ always _have your back.'_

**07:04 pm**

Dean is currently leading with twenty points – Seth at least managed to get four himself, even though he mostly just took a wild guess instead of knowing the songs –, feeling very smug about beating him once again.

The good thing about this? They haven't had the chance to jump at each other's throats so far and Seth hasn't ruined the mood with some sentimental monkey crap, as Dean and Roman like to call it.

According to the GPS, Van Horn is only two minutes away, which means they can finally get out of this car to stretch their legs and lie down in a hopefully huge and comfy bed. No matter how many times they've stopped to switch positions or take a leak, almost thirteen hours of driving time is even too much for them – and they are used to spend most of their life in a car.

But Seth's mission for today is not done yet. He has booked a room for them in a fancier motel, not caring that he has to pay for all of it as long as there's a small kitchenette, so he can prepare a little surprise for Dean. Which he has to buy somewhere in this godforsaken town.

Hopefully there is a good stocked up store here. But any place that is able to run a McDonald's must have normal food too, right? Or, ordinary isn't exactly how Seth would call it. Dean food, that's more like it.

It's still awfully hot, despite the fiery red sun finally losing most of its intensity, and they have their windows rolled down, but since they can't speed through this tiny town, there's almost no fresh or slightly cooler air circulating through this hellhole of a car with a broken aircon.

Despite practically inhaling tons of coffee, Dean yawns awfully often, which is not something Seth had planned for. He needs him awake and attentive for the rest of the evening. It's really important.

The radio is still playing some tune Seth has never even heard of, but it appears they've stopped playing some time ago. Dean probably lost interest since Seth didn't live up to his expectations, thought it could also be because his brother seems to be lost in thoughts for a while now, looking out of the window without actually taking in the beauty that is the endless nothingness around them.

Seth can't stand the silence, even though there is music keeping him company. But Dean being all quiet and pensive never means good news – at least not for Seth since he made the biggest mistake of his life two months ago – so he has to do something to bring Dean back.

It's risky and could spoil the whole evening, but Seth can't _not_ talk about this any longer. Not with Dean acting so nonchalantly and totally at ease all day long despite everything that happened to them in the last ninety-six hours. Perhaps he's kicked his brother's head harder than he realized.

Seth stops the car in front of the local store, the sudden complete silence ringing painfully in his ears. Dean turns his head around slowly, blinking confused that they're not at a motel.

Ignoring the beads of sweat running down his friend's neck to not lose his focus, Seth takes one deep breath to steel himself before he bursts out, 'Okay, I know you forbid it, but can we please talk about SummerSlam?' Dean stares at him for a few seconds before he groans loudly, muttering a tiny bit helplessly, 'What about it?'

Seth throws up his hands and crawls onto the backseat to sift through the pile of trash and find his wallet as well as some things for them to disguise themselves. They can't afford to be recognized. His life actually depends on it.

Frustrated he complains, 'Why do I get scolded by Rome for breaking character when they escorted you out of the ring at Money in the Bank but you on the other hand get nothing for guiding me with your hand for the pin or kissing me on the head before you used my own finisher against me or saying– shit.'

Fuck. He promised Rome to not go there, under no circumstances and yet he just did. So much for being mature and patient.

Dean breathes through his nose, probably counting to ten in his head. There's still time to backpaddle, so Seth shoves a bandana and sunglasses at Dean while putting on a pair and a summer beanie himself, making sure that his bleached part doesn't stick out. 'Sorry, I didn't mean to– I wanted to wait until you were ready.'

The best laid out plans can fail. But for someone who claims to have the most bulletproof ones, his sure suck a lot lately. Sometimes he wonders if he's even able to bring down the Authority or if this all isn't just some pathetic excuse for him to justify leaving his family.

He watches Dean put on the bandana, not even caring if all his hair is stuffed underneath it or not before he presses his lips together and scoffs slightly angered. 'No. No,' his brother sighs, putting on the shades, 'the cat's out of the bag now anyway.'

Okay. That's not really how he imagined Dean telling him _fucking finally_ for the very first time – at least privately – that he loves him. He can't even suppress the undignified sound escaping his mouth, Dean frowning at him immediately.

'That's it?' he gets worked up just by watching his brother's totally not caring expression. It's pissing him off, to be honest. 'That's how you tell me that you meant every word you said in that ring?' Thank God he somehow managed to avoid saying the dreaded word, because he knows Roman would get wind of it and he doesn't want to receive yet another telling-off.

Dean gets out of the car, waiting for Seth to calm down and tell him what they're supposed to be doing here. But actually, come to think of it, it wouldn't be a surprise anymore if Dean buys all the stuff with him. So Seth waves at his friend to get back in or wait right here, he'll be back in a few.

'Okay, look. I fucked up,' Dean hisses after him, tone begging and forlorn. Seth stops dead in his tracks and turns around, anger once again flaring up in his stomach. He didn't just hear that.

'You're not making it any better,' he growls, his pride really hurt by his brother's poor choice of words. Dean is a god at the microphone, so Seth knows very well that he can do better, unless he wants it to sting and burn.

When he takes a closer look, he realizes that Dean seems to be a bit out of it, a sheen of sweat covering his forehead and Seth's first instinct is to run towards him to force his brother to lean on him. The blue eyes can't seem to focus on anything for more than two seconds in a row, but Dean still tries to save the moment.

'That wasn't planned – nothing ever is these days –; especially after Smackdown. It slipped and even though it is the truth, I'm not ready telling you yet.' His voice is shaky and breaks more than once in between, but Seth can also hear a lot of determination. Dean might look like a ghost and his state of mind is, well, questionable but Seth can still tell that he means everything he's just said.

The only positive thing he'll take away from this is that Dean won't run away because he does have deeper feelings for Seth, nor will he shy away from the responsibility – not like he himself – and that his heart evidently beat his brain to the whole love confession thing. Interesting.

Whenever they talk about their relationship, Dean gets all insecure and defensive, which is actually kind of cute. It seems like Seth has a bit more experience with all of this, so, as frustrating as it might be, it's his duty to let this matter go until Dean has found his perfect opportunity.

Seth sighs, all fury leaving his body with his next exhale, and he manages to smile at his friend. There is one solution he has for this predicament and he's sure Dean will appreciate this. Maybe even more than his surprise later tonight. 'Do you... want us to pretend it never happened until you are ready?'

There's a moment of stunned silence and for a while Seth is convinced that a tumbleweed will roll over the deserted street any second now.

'You'd do that?' Dean asks, hesitation and mistrust casting a shadow over his tired face. Seriously, Seth is not heartless. If Dean needs more time for whatever reasons, then Seth would be really stupid not to give it to him. Pushing Dean has never helped anyway and he can't risk losing his friend forever because of his impatience.

He shrugs as casually as he can, waiting for the first person he's seen in this town to walk by and out of earshot, before he grins at his companion. 'I think you're entitled to it.'

Dean's lips quiver for a second, but then he manages a fond smile and Seth's stomach does a happy flip or two. All of his brothers distrust is gone, got carried away by the hot wind ghosting through this town.

Seth puts his wallet into his back pocket and returns the favor, suddenly very glad that he remained calm and collected without Roman reminding him to. He turns back to the store and has almost reached the door when Dean calls softly after him.

'You know, you fuck up a lot of times, but then – in the middle of the biggest mess you've created – you do the right thing.' Thankfully his brain does work even under the most severe circumstances. The Gods are smiling on him from time to time. 'Maybe I'll tell Taker now that you taste horrible. Just in case.'

They both laugh at that; Seth urging Dean to sit back down before he collapses on the road while stepping into the store, freezing horribly when the air conditioning unit blows ice cold air at him.

Alright. Time to buy dinner. This is going to be the most unorthodox first date Seth has ever had. And he's really looking forward to it. It's gonna be awesome. Everything with Dean by his side is.

_The moonlight is shining through the window, bothering a sleeping Seth so much that he wakes up from his slumber on the backseat, but ultimately he has no other choice than to admire the view, even if it is responsible for interrupting his time out. 'What a beautiful night, huh guys?'_

_Dean turns around surprised, flashing a perfect smile at him that erases the last shreds of tiredness in a heartbeat. 'Oh, Sleeping Beauty decided to join us once more,' he gets teased, all in good will before Dean tips Roman on the shoulder and proudly says, 'Dead or Olive.'_

_'Good one,' their big brother affirms and Seth sits up, yawning and rubbing over his eyes. The clock on the dashboard says it's only two, which means he hasn't even been out for more than forty minutes, but it also ensures him that they should reach their motel for the night soon too._

_'What're ya playin'?' he asks, hugging Dean from behind to rest his jaw on his brothers shoulder. It's not really comfortable, but it's amazing nonetheless. Dean chuckles lightly, tapping Seth on the arm just to take his hands in his own. This is definitely the most awkward position he's ever been in but it's worth any second of pain he has to endure._

_Roman stifles a yawn and Seth can hear the telltale sound of the turn signal before the car swerves a bit to the right, the tires slipping for a brief moment on the thin layer of ice and snow. He should be worried about their physical integrity, but then again, Roman is the safest and most considerate driver Seth knows – even if he's close to falling asleep momentarily._

_But he's still glad they're having one of their competitions going on to keep Rome's mind occupied. 'Video games that sound really dumb when you add or take away a letter.' Oh, he knows video games. Maybe this will be the one match he won't horribly suck at._

_'Sounds nice. Can I still join?' Dean lets go of his hands, laughing a bit mockingly and Seth is uncertain about staying or retreating back when he feels something warm and soft getting pulled over his clammy fingers. 'We just started. You up for another loss?' Dean asks while putting some winter gloves on his hands. How fucking awesome is that?_

_'Just watch me, jerk,' he snickers, butterflies flapping their wings around in his belly._ Just stay cool, don't let him see you're actually craving for his touch _, he reminds himself and scores his first point in this very promising game. 'Super Mario Art.'_

_Roman laughs loudly and squints his eyes at the road, slowing down considerably to make sure he doesn't turn the car around on the next patch of glaze. 'Alright. That was your honeymoon period,' he adds once they've made it over the ice and Seth puffs his cheeks. That wasn't_ that _bad for his first try now, was it?_

_'Harry Otter and whatever he's up to in the games.' 'Sweet,' Dean congratulates Roman for that little gem while entwining his fingers with Seth's. He gets the feeling Dean doesn't even realize what he's doing because his brother is not really paying attention to him or his limbs practically glued to Dean's stomach, but that's actually good news. Unguarded Dean is one of Seth's favorite Deans._

_As much as he enjoys holding hands with his brother, Seth just can't take his eyes off the crystal clear sky and the full moon that seems to be so freaking huge. He could watch this forever and even though it's cold outside, Seth just has to ask. This could be another one of those occasions where they rest in the middle of nowhere to just seize the moment._

_'Hey Rome, can we stop for a while?' Dean's fingers tighten a bit around his own, but Seth can't understand why, so he ignores that for now. Roman tilts his head to the right for a split second, until he realizes that he shouldn't take his eyes off the road. So instead he just waves around with his hand, asking, 'Why? We should be at the hotel in about an hour. Need to take a leak?'_

_No, he's been to the toilet like a good little kid before they left the arena. They will never stop making fun of him because of this whole peeing thing. 'No man,' he blurts out, freeing one arm to point to the sky. 'Just look at the moon. Come on, let's stop and enjoy the view for a while. No one will bother us if we park somewhere over there.'_

_Dean does turn his head fully towards Seth – their noses a mere inch apart and he tries very hard not cross his eyes – smiling slightly rascally. 'Aw, Ro look. He finally turned into a real wolf. Stop right here, brother, we need to howl at the moon.'_

_Roman doesn't even need a second to think this over, just swerves the car around and drives into the wild nature. But Seth does hear a fond yet tired sigh from his big brother that they stop here instead of hurrying to finally get into a warm and cozy room. 'Yipping at the moon it is then.'_

_His brothers are the best._

_A few minutes later Seth is resting his back against the windshield, his butt getting warmed by the hood of the car, Dean and Roman lying next to him. Half of his right side is hanging mid air but he doesn't mind, because Dean is holding him close and the view of the night sky is overwhelming._

_There must be millions of stars illuminating the almost black canvas above, the full moon so huge that Seth can count even the smallest lunar craters. It's peaceful, quiet and just totally awesome, even though it's cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. Thank God it's not snowing right now._

_None of them says anything, so Seth assumes his friends enjoy this moment as much as he does. It has become some sort of habit to stop on their road trips to see a bit of the landscape of the states they usually just use to drive through._

_If Seth spends most days of the year in a car, he wants to make some memories that he can tell his future children and grandchildren. He doubts it's awesome for them to listen to him rant about bleaching his hair or squabbling with Dean who stole the covers in the night first._

_He's really proud of himself that he convinced his brothers to pay more attention to their surroundings, so he won't be the only one pointing out the obvious. Lying around on the hood was Dean's idea. Simply because he is too lazy to walk around in the dead of the night after he got or dished out a beating._

_It's a big fat lie, they all know it. Dean loves to walk, loves to run, hell, he isn't even able to stay still for ten seconds straight. Seth suspects Dean suggested that only for his benefit, but hey, he'll be damned if he rejects that rare gift. And since this is the only life he has – and Seth intends to make the most of it – he cuddles closer to Dean, who is lying in the middle. Which is also not his usual position._

_Slowly but surely, Dean is coming out of his shell, thanks to Seth constantly pining over him. It's just a matter of time until he'll give in to Seth's subtle begging. He won't stop pursuing Dean, especially not since Roman told him that he might be the first man to crack Dean's heart. Of course he also got the obligatory_ if you hurt him, I'm going to kill you _speech, but Seth has no intentions of letting either of them down._

_And he so wants to win this game too. 'Silent Ill. Silent Mill. Silent Kill. Silent Bill,' he says, not sure which one he likes most since everything that has to do with that game leaves him with goose bumps. Roman just chuckles on the other side of Dean, inching closer to get some of that body heat Seth would love to have only for himself._

_'Silent Will. Silent Pill,' Dean continues the list, but he's not helping the game to get a better reputation. Seth shivers slightly and watches the cloud of air coming out of his brother's mouth._

_'They're all horrible. Just imagine, coming home and going through your mail and suddenly Pyramid Head jumps out to roar at you that this is the second reminder and you better pay before he rips your skin off. Or the deadly Mill, where every bread turns your insides into ashes. Hey, do I get points for all versions?'_

_Because damn, he'd be leading by now if he does. But then again, Dean would get two too, which would be all kinds of unfair since he came up with it first. Roman clarifies the issue after a hearty yawn. 'Rule is, only one per game.'_

_So that means Seth just got robbed of three points. 'And Dean gets none?' he asks, just to make sure his brother didn't get the lead by cheating. Dean huffs out some air and closes his eyes – apparently he has seen enough of the endless sky with its blinking stars and mesmerizing moon –, whispering tiredly, 'Dean gets one, because Dean says President Evil.'_

_'What a great campaign manager you would be,' Roman comments clearly amused, his remark creating a tiny break from their friendly competition, so Seth can speak up again, whining loudly, 'Hey, can somebody get up and search for a blanket? It's getting really cold.'_

_Dean just smiles, still holding him close, still looking like he'll fall asleep any second now, while Roman lifts his head so he can look at Seth. 'We could always drive to the warm motel we've already payed for instead of freezing to death out here.'_

_But once they're in bed Seth will be separated from Dean again. As much as he likes being the guy on the left it also means that there is one sturdy body lying in his way. What's a little freezing compared to feeling lonely even though there are two more guys squeezed in a bed with him?_

_'No, it's so nice out here,' he tries to talk Roman out of it, adding almost as an afterthought, 'Corpse Farty.' He hears a loud groan from his biggest brother and the car dips a wee bit when Roman slides from the hood to go through their luggage._

_A minute later he walks up to Seth and gently pushes him more on top of Dean, so he won't fall off the hood for as long as he wants to stay here. With a docile smile on his face, he drapes the blanket over them and hops back on the car, but decides to remain sitting on his side, instead of lying back down again._

_'Tomb Aider.' Dean hums disapprovingly and Roman cocks his head, knowing that this wasn't his best choice. And just to rub it in he has to prove that he is the undisputed champion between the three of them, Dean mumbles, 'Until Pawn. Alan Fake.'_

_All the while he's playing around with Seth's bun, blindly loosening it to the point he can twirl stray locks around his finger. Roman watches them for a while, gaze happy and tutelary, before he breathes in the crisp night air and confesses, 'You know, it_ is _nice out here. Feels like we can finally slow down a bit after being on the road for, well,_ ever _. Can you believe it that we've been together for over fourteen months already?'_

_What? In which school did Rome learn math? Their time in FCW may be a while back, but he better didn't forget everything that went down there. Seth sure as hell doesn't want to miss even a single second of it; his rivalry with Dean one of the best and worst things that have ever happened to him throughout his career. And definitely the highlight of his entire life._

_'We've been together for much longer. Check this out: The Walking Deaf.' Roman looks back at him, tiny puffy clouds coming out of his nostrils. He knows that expression. It's the_ you think I'm that dumb _one he actually fears a bit. Roman could break him in half if he wanted to and Seth doesn't really have an itch for finding out if it would hurt as much as he imagines._

_'Fourteen months since Survivor Series.' Oh, okay. His brother is talking about the time that has passed since their debut in the WWE. Because that's the day that heralded the start of them really growing together as a family, not just as friends._

_Dean hums again, this time thoughtfully though. 'And in a few days we're gonna be in the Royal Rumble. Bloody Oar. You know what I'll do then, right?' he asks, a confident grin dancing over his slightly red face. Maybe they should drive to the hotel now before he's the reason that all three of them are going to get sick._

_Seth sighs sadly and slides off the hood, folding the blanket back together again and watching longingly how Dean sits up to run his hand through his hair, slicking it back again. His brother radiates a certain cockiness that reminds him of Dean's question again. This is not just about some silly game. Winning the Royal Rumble is one of the most prestigious things one can achieve in this business, simply because it's for that Wrestlemania spot._

_'I know what I will do,' he retorts, pretty sure that each of them is thinking the same right now. 'Heavy Pain.' It doesn't matter that they're a family now, in the Rumble it's every man for himself. Neither of them would begrudge a win to their brothers but none of the Hounds of Justice will give away that one chance willingly._

_Roman snickers, closing the door behind him as soon as everyone is back in the car. 'That your game or game plan?' Seth just shoots a huge, ambiguous smile at him through the mirror._

_'So, we're on the same page?' Dean wants to know, looking back and forth between Seth and Rome, who answers right away, 'As long as no one will be pissed_ if _he gets eliminated by one of us, then yes. Oh, and Breath of Ire.'_

_Well, Seth can't promise anything because his feelings tend to run wild in the heat of the moment, but he'll try not to stab one of them in their sleep if they cost him his title match._

_They drive on in silence, Seth starting to get tired again too and busying himself with watching some lost snowflakes fall down to the ground. Roman is the first to break the silence when they finally reach their motel. 'It's a shame to admit, but it's a tie between you and Seth, Dee.'_

_Dean yawns, pinching the bridge of his nose. 'You sound like you want me to defend our undefeated streak.' Actually, it's not their combined streak. Dean usually wins single-handedly every game they come up with. And Seth doesn't believe that Roman lets him win for the sake of it._

_'I do,' comes the expectant reply._

_'Honor and some such. Fine. You got anything?' his friend buzzes and cocks his eyebrows. Seth takes his duffel out of the trunk, desperately trying to come up with just one more funny sounding game. Of course, he can't think of even a single one._

_'Gimme a second,' he begs, even though he knows his brain won't help him out this time. Roman begins to count back from five, Dean grinning widely, the little shoulder dance telling Seth he's lost this one even before Rome gets to one and Dean smugly says, 'Metal Ear Solid.'_

_God fucking dammit. This was his one chance not to blow it._

_'I was so close,' he grumbles and waits outside with Dean until Roman comes back with their key. His brother continues the conversation as soon as they're back together again. Of course he wouldn't get away with not being teased once more._

_'Don't be sad.' Dean claps him on the shoulder, face all sympathetic – what a liar – and shrugs out of his coat. 'You've lost to the one that can master everything.' Roman snorts, and Seth can see it in his eyes that he too remembers the house show where they've written the two words on Dean's wrist tape that will probably haunt him forever._

_Honestly? Seth has to suppress a laugh every time he sees a_ titty master _sign in the crowd, knowing he and Roman did this. That makes his loss so much sweeter. That and the knowledge that Dean still carries those tapes with him, as if they're a lucky charm._

_'Yeah, Seth, winning isn't everything,' Roman blesses him with one of those blinding smiles he usually only reserves for women, 'and you still have us.'_

_'Oh, ha ha,' he retaliates by sticking his tongue at his big brother, slipping out of his combat boots and winter jacket. They might make a lot of fun at his expanse all the time but Seth would lie if he'd say that he wouldn't terribly miss it if they'd suddenly stop with it._

_It's their weird, peculiar way of showing him their affection, other than protecting him day after day and cuddling with him each night. His gaze follows them walking around the room to get ready for bed, a warmth spreading through his body – and it has nothing to do with him standing next to the heating._

_He would give the devil his soul to stay together with these two dorks for all eternity._

_'Incoming chick flick moment,' he warns his brothers – a rule Dean established as soon as he got fed up with Seth's vast variety of feelings exploding all over the place all the time. 'You have been warned,' he adds when none of them says anything. Dean doesn't even shoot him an annoyed look, which is odd but he takes what he gets._

_'I'm glad we're here. Not just here in this shoddy motel, but that we're_ us _and The Shield. I don't know what I'd do without you.'_

_Roman walks up to Seth to embrace him in his big, muscly arms while he can see Dean smiling tenderly at him over Rome's shoulder. They don't say anything and quite frankly, they don't need to. He can see it in their eyes that they think the same._

_They too feel invincible, indestructible and infinite with their brothers around. They share his confidence that_ nothing _can ever sunder them._

_They'll be a family forever, with Roman as the protector and compassionate big brother. Seth, the genius baby hound and evil mastermind. Dean, the eccentric fighter, the heart and very essence of their little family and Seth's potential something. He'll destroy everyone who dares to try and drive a wedge between them._


	5. the bed that you lay in...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taker opens the door, thankfully looking nothing like Satan's Little Helper. He's wearing one of his old American Badass shirts and his beard is a lot better trimmed than Dean remembers it, but other than that he still looks the same. Extremely unimpressed by their presence to be honest, but Dean would be lying if he'd say he expected anything else. 
> 
> They stand there awkwardly for a while, Seth getting agitated and starting to sweat until Taker finally starts talking. Just not to Seth. 
> 
> 'Blink twice if you want me to sic the cops on him.' The mere mention of the police causes Seth's brain to black out and Dean can feel him starting to lose it, so he just laughs good-naturedly, answering, 'Nah, not today.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I gotta be honest. There is no way I'll be done with this road trip until Dean returns. And I'm sorry, but as you can (hopefully) see, I bring in everything that has happened so far as good as I can and I will continue doing that until I'm up to date again. Please bear with me =) Also a little warning for vomiting, nightmares and major character death.

**Tuesday 19** **th  
** **08:22 pm**

Taking a shower has never been so satisfying. Not only did Dean try to drown himself in ice cold water, but also did it put some life back into him. He's been feeling worse for wear ever since he woke up for a second time somewhere outside of Phoenix, Roman long gone.

The weather isn't helping his health either. He got out of the shower a minute ago and here he is, sweating all over again. Dean doesn't look into the mirror – he's seen his pale face earlier and likes to pretend he didn't recognize the dark shadows under his bloodshot eyes or his inability to hold his head high for more than five seconds.

Maybe he shouldn't have refused the medical attention like the stubborn mule he is. Well, it's not like they have any time for that in the next three days. So he's gonna suck it up and walk it off, because that's what he always does.

He rummages through his duffel, only now realizing that Seth hasn't packed him even a single undershirt. What a jerk. He's planned that all along so Dean would have to run around topless in the evenings and at night. He never thought Seth would be _that_ fundamentally evil.

He should wear his hoodie just to upset his brother, but he's already feeling woozy and too hot without any shirt at all, so he discards that idea.

The moment he opens the door to the main room – he'd even go so far and call this a suite, because their motel room is huge as fuck and even has a small kitchen unit with a freezer, microwave and whatnot, as well as a tiny dinner table with three chairs.

There's also a huge king sized bed next to the bathroom and a tiny tv set with a DVD player. He's amazed this stuff doesn't get stolen by every customer. If he wouldn't earn a good amount of money, he wouldn't think twice about taking it with him. The room is booked on Seth's name after all.

He can't see any food but he damn well smells it and the scent is so familiar that his mouth waters on its own accord. How many times have Roman and Dean forced Seth to stop at a drive in, so they could stuff some unhealthy shit into them? Fuck, he misses Ro.

Seth is struggling with setting the table, his nervousness clearly showing. He probably fears that Dean might disapprove with his attempt at a nice dinner. But hey, there is free food and a comfy looking bed, so why should he complain about the fuss his brother is making?

Besides, he's not in the mood to start an argument. As much as he appreciates the effort, he only wants to lie down and sleep forever. It's been a long day, a long week. Hell, just a really long life so far, but he won't ruin Seth's plans for the night if it isn't entirely necessary.

He feels a bit naked, walking into the room without a shirt on while Seth is fully clothed – even though he too is only wearing shorts and a tank to somehow deal with the terrible Texan heat.

'So your new plan is to woo me with a candlelight dinner?' Seth can say what he wants, this is a date. Dean is not stupid, even though he might be a bit out of it ever since that cinderblock assisted Curb Stomp. Kidnapping him to go on a road trip was just a clever disguise to spend some cozy evenings with him.

It's so weird that Seth went through all this trouble. Dean isn't really the type people ask out on a fancy date since no one wants to be seen with him in a too expensive restaurant struggling with the five sets of cutlery and not being able to appreciate the lobster.

Before Seth, he had only done hook ups at random bars, so he could leave right after the sex to avoid getting attached. But this dork managed to turn all of that around once more, proving Dean terribly wrong. Seems like there is someone who appreciates his company, no matter where they are or what they do.

'No,' Seth negates, before his eyes go wide. 'I mean yes. Though no candles, no ballyhoo. Just us, some food and a movie.' Sounds too good to be true. What's the catch?

'No fancy crap?' Seth smiles shyly, waving around the room as if that could accentuate his statement. 'We're not really _fancy crap_ material, are we?' Isn't that just plain adorable? Seth surely was born for expensive suits, red roses and restaurants with park service, but he pretends not to be for Dean's sake.

It should be insulting, but Seth is willing to give up a part of himself for Dean, so he'll be damned if he doesn't make the most of it.

But how the fuck does he know that this is actually something Dean wished to have for a long, long time now? He sure as hell didn't tell Roman that he wants a date like this with their baby brother, so this little smart fucker just assumed or, even worse, _knew_ what he had in mind. Seems like it's true that Seth knows him better than anyone.

'I'm definitely not,' he adds nonchalantly, his body practically humming with nervous energy as he anticipates Seth's all-important answer. 'Then neither am I.' Why can't it always be simple like that?

'So, what're we havin'?' Not that he's particularly hungry – to be honest, he feels pretty sick – but he'll eat something just because Seth tries very hard to make this a laid-back and not weird at all affair.

He gets a relieved grin, Seth falling back into his usual dorky self, gesturing at the little oven. 'I got us pizza burgers, salami and extra cheese.' He eyes the chairs for a moment before he decides that it isn't a perfect date if they don't eat in bed. It'll drive Seth nuts.

'Pizza and burger in one. Twice the fun for my cholesterol level. I'll be sending you a thank you card once I've had my heart attack,' he says, gripping the back of a chair tight when his vision starts to blur for a second. Seth doesn't see it, too busy setting the burgers on two plates.

When his brother turns around to roll his eyes at him, Dean straightens his back, forcing himself to look like nothing happened. 'To ensure you get that heart attack in the near future, I also bought us brownies with walnuts and chocolate chips .'

He really knows Dean's favorite food. And because it's his hobby to make fun of Seth, he grabs both plates, throwing a sardonic grin at his friend. 'You keep saying _we_ , but what are you eating?'

He gets a slightly irritated, 'T-the same.' Sometimes Seth makes it too easy for him. 'Oh really? Mr _I only inhale Quest nutrition bars and KillCliff drinks_ wants to eat greasy, fat, unhealthy fast food? Don't tell me you're intending to work out afterwards for the whole night.' That'd be so anticlimactic.

'I think I can survive one meal, Mr _I don't give a shit because I always end up looking fabulous no matter what I put in me_.' Dean snickers, letting Seth snag his plate back, listening to his friend mumbling louder than he probably wanted to, 'And marathon-sex is a very well-known type of workout too.'

It's almost hilarious how Seth freezes on the spot as soon as his brain catches up with what he just said. It's even better to watch his brother's frenzied reaction when he simply raises his eyebrows.

'Or so I've heard.' Nice try, but Dean is totally aware that Seth didn't mean this as a joke. His friend expects something special from him during this trip and it's Dean's turn to be the one who gives. But they had an agreement and Seth kinda broke it already, which is such a nice excuse for him to not get intimate with Seth.

He's distancing himself on purpose, he realizes that, but he can't grant Seth that favor just yet. Not as long as he isn't ready for it.

Things sadly stay awkward after that comment which leads to them eating in bed but also failing at having a talk. That pizza burger though is surprisingly good for re-heated stuff and the brownies might just be the best thing Dean has ever put into his mouth. He would die for these any day. Seth did good, oh he did so good with these fluffy, chocolaty pieces of heaven.

Thank God there's a movie running – he thinks it's called The Internship but he doesn't really pay attention to the plot – so they don't dine in complete silence. His headache is killing him and Seth sitting next to him, shooting him indecisive side glances all the time doesn't help easing the tension.

Dean's mind is constantly debating whether he should make a move or not but he still hasn't come to a decision when the credits roll. Opportunity wasted.

After the movie they get up to wash the dishes and Dean has to concentrate very hard so he won't collapse or drop the plates due to him temporarily losing the feeling in his fingers. Seth, sweet oblivious, eager Seth, tries to make conversation, but Dean doesn't even hear his words. There's a constant buzzing in his ears, making him feel even sicker than he already did.

He's unbelievably cold even though it's still hot as fuck, and the food upsets his stomach to a point he's sure it won't stay in him for long. He really doesn't want the evening to end like this, but his condition leaves him no other choice, so he sits down on the bed and smiles warily at Seth, cutting off his friend's monologue. 'I'm sorry, I'm just so tired.'

Sadness flashes over Seth's face for a second before he composes himself again. 'Sure,' he blurts out, making a show of looking at his watch. 'It's really late and we need to get up early.'

Dean didn't think it'd be possible but watching Seth mope and deflate right before his eyes makes him feel even worse for ruining the mood. Maybe he'll be in a better state on their way back. And if not, he'll just have to hide his physical pain. Seth deserves a proper date.

'Hey,' he calls out softly multiple times until his brother finally looks him in the eyes. 'Thank you for dinner. It– I liked it.' His friend nods, barely managing a fake smile, so Dean tries once more. 'Do you want me to drive tomorrow, so you can do some sit ups on the backseat?'

He's in no condition to drive all the way to Austin, but if he can do Seth a favor he'll struggle through it any day. Seth shakes his head though, closing the cupboard and turning off the lights. 'I've already made arrangements to use the local gym before it opens. But thanks for the offer.'

Wow. This got unpleasant so fast. 'Sure thing,' he answers, crawling under the thin cover. _Way to go, Dean_ , he groans at himself, almost missing Seth's next sentence.

'I thought you'd rather go on a run, since we can't afford to be seen together.' Not that he's in any shape to actually do a proper workout, but running sounds like a good idea. Maybe it'll clear his head a bit. 'Yeah, totally.'

He watches Seth set his alarm at five and changes his to an hour later. No way is he going to get up in the middle of the night when he doesn't have to work on a show in God knows where.

'Good night,' his brother whispers, voice a bit too distanced for Dean's liking. All that's left for him to utter is an equally defeated, 'G'night.'

He wants to say something else, to cuddle with Seth instead of each of them lying on the far side of the bed, but he's out before he can even think about what to do next.

When he wakes up again it's still dark. Dean is sweating but also still freezing horribly, his stomach roiling and aching almost as much as his head. But he hasn't had a nightmare, so he's a bit confused as to why he woke up in a frenzy and with a bad feeling in his gut.

He's ready to forget all of this and lie back down to not elude sleep any longer when he hears a weird noise. It sounds like quiet wheezing and gasping, so Dean turns around to make sure Seth is alright, but he's not there.

There are traces of a dark liquid staining the covers though and Dean recognizes them before it hits him what's going on.

An assembly of little drops frame a really thick and long trail of blood that leads to the bathroom. Dean can see light shining underneath the door and a human sized shadow blocking it out. Someone is sitting with his back against the wood, bleeding profoundly.

No, no, no. _No_. This can't be happening. It must be a dream, a subterfuge by his mind to tell him once again that this stupid two-toned idiot is the most important person in his life and that he cannot, under no circumstances, lose him. That he'll wither away if Seth disappears out of his life.

Dean jumps out of the bed, right leg getting tangled in the sheets, and he falls down in the floor, face landing right in a puddle of blood. His body _hurts_ and he can feel his hair stand on end. Nightmarish panic lets his heart tumble and his breath is getting stuck in his throat. This feels too real to be a dream. But it has to be, it just has to be.

He darts to the door and tries to open it, but it's blocked by the body leaned against it. Dean screams for Seth to open up, to let him in, so he can help. The only thing going through his head is _I never told him_.

A whole lifetime passes with Dean banging against the door, trying to break through the wood so he can get into the bathroom without kicking it in. He's too afraid that that could hurt Seth even more, so he just despairs, calling out to his friend who keeps on groaning in pain.

He has no idea what happened while he was out sleeping, if someone tried to rob them and Seth heroically – and stupidly – protected him. What a fool. As if Dean can't fight for himself. Or if he did this to himself after getting rejected by Dean once more, unable to take this any longer.

Now Seth's blood is on Dean's hands and he sadly doesn't mean this metaphorically. He frantically tries to wipe it off but he just ends up smearing it all over his shorts and bare chest, as well as his face. It's no use anyway. He has to get in the bathroom somehow before it's too late for Seth.

'I'm calling an ambulance,' he finally remembers what he's supposed to be doing in this situation. This is the only way to really be helpful, so Dean stumbles back into the darkness – his whole body screaming in agony, frantically urging him to turn around and get to Seth before he can never speak to him again –, searching blindly for his phone.

He knows he put it on the nightstand before he fell asleep, alarm set at six, so they could do some workout before tackling the long drive to Austin. This whole endeavor has turned out to be a dead duck and maybe it even costs Seth his life. Dean cannot let that happen.

But he also can't find his damn cell. It's not where it's supposed to be; neither is Seth's. He tries to turn on the lights but nothing happens. It's like the world is conspiring against him, making him want to lose the one good thing in his life that's even better than Roman.

He staggers back to the bathroom, calling out to Seth and resuming to bang against the wood, hands aching and covered with splinters. 'Seth, I need you to open the door. Please, don't leave me. Let me help you. Seth, open up. I'm begging you.'

Nothing happens. His brother doesn't move out of the way – perhaps he can't even control his body anymore and the sheer thought of Seth being unable to answer or scoot over sets his brain on fire. He's the most useless piece of trash on this earth.

What will Roman say once he comes back without Seth? His brother will never be able to look him in the eyes ever again. He can't even blame Roman for despising him. Seth has been his responsibility and he failed miserably.

'Come on, I want to help you. But you need to open the door first. Just fall to the side, please.'

He hears a muffled scream of pain and a loud thud; Seth following his orders as good as he can. He checks the light under the door and sees that his brother indeed has moved out of the way, pushing the damaged wood gently open until he encounters resistance, but thankfully the gap is big enough for him to squeeze himself through.

There's so much blood on the white tiles that Dean's barely able to repress a distraught outcry. The gagging he can't help, because his nose is getting assaulted with the well known stale, metallic stench as well as the biting one of Seth's sweat. It's too much for him to bear, so Dean decides to concentrate on one thing and one thing only. And that's saving Seth's life.

'I'm gonna get you out of here, don't worry. You're going to be fine, just hold on. Can you do that for me?' he asks, voice breaking, while he checks Seth for the fatal injury by gently tugging at his friend's hands. It doesn't work at first because Seth's grip is strong and vice-like but Dean doesn't give up.

As soon as he has pried Seth's fingers away he puts them back to stop the flow of blood. He should have thought about that before he allowed it to gush out of the gaping wound. His brother's clothes are drenched in the dark liquid and all the color has faded out of his face; lips an unhealthy shade of blue, eyes dull and gaze far away.

It frightens Dean more than he wants to admit. If this is a dream, it's a cruel and horribly real one. If it isn't, Seth is dying right before him, the blood loss far too much for Dean to prevent it.

Now that the light of the bathroom shines into the rest of their little suite, Dean might be successful to finally find a phone, but he can't leave Seth alone. What if– no, he's not going there. He will _not_ lose Seth tonight. Or ever.

''m I g-gonna d-d-die?' Seth gasps breathlessly, lips quivering and Dean watches petrified how a small trail of blood quells out of his friend's mouth. This means internal bleeding, right? He's read that somewhere, but right now he wishes he hadn't. Because it verifies the sickening fear that Seth's life is slipping through his fingers and there's nothing he can do.

He forces himself to smile at his brother, kneeling down in the puddle of blood to gently embrace Seth in his arms. At least this way he won't pass away alone. 'No,' he tries to sound confident but his voice betrays him. 'Of course not. Don't be ridiculous, Seth, the ambulance is on its way.'

His friend huffs, coughing up more blood that lands on Dean's bare chest but he doesn't even care anymore. ''re a t-ter-rible l-liar.' Tonight he might just be. But who can blame him, the light of his life is lying in his arms, using up all of his borrowed time on earth, breathing for the last time? Anyone would lose their cool.

'You'll be fine,' he whispers nonetheless, watching helplessly how Seth closes his eyes to conjure up the last bits of strength. Dean knows what his friend is going to say even before he opens those bloodstained lips. He wishes he could keep Seth from saying it out loud though.

He doesn't want to hear those words that make everything final. This doesn't need to get any more real than it already is.

''m s-sssorry,' Seth hisses in pain, brown eyes staring pleadingly at his own. He is really going there. Dean shakes his head and wipes away the tear that rolls down his brother's face.

No farewells. Dean is used to people just leaving without a word. Experiencing the heartfelt version first hand now, he realizes he likes the quiet way more.

'Don't you dare say goodbye.' There must be some way to stop the bleeding. If he'd just have a tank top, he could rip it apart and bind it around Seth's stomach. Maybe his pants will do too. The moment he wants to let go of his friend to undress, Seth grabs his wrist, eyes begging him to just hold him close.

''s okay,' Seth mutters and grits his teeth, struggling for enough air to prolong the moment. 'In your a-arms,' he whispers so low that Dean has to bend down to catch the words. There's no need for his brother to finish the sentence; Dean gets the message.

As long as Seth is dying in his love's arms, he's fine with his existence ending and that's something Dean refuses to accept. How can he welcome death just because Dean is holding him? That's bullshit. Seth should scream at him that he'd better save his life instead of wallowing in self-pity and fear.

'No, Seth, it's not okay.' It's nowhere near being _okay_. He's been a coward for the past eight months and now the chickens come home to roost. Seth pays for Dean's inability to wake up and protect his family with his life, and he'll die without knowing how much he means to him.

'There is so much I still have to tell you,' Dean starts desperately, hell-bent on letting Seth know before his heart stops beating, but his brother interrupts him with a quiet whisper. ''s okay. T-t-tell me... n-next time we m-meet.' Seth's lips keep on moving, yet no sound comes out. It doesn't matter since Dean has seen these exact movements so often in the past two and a half months that he knows what Seth is trying to say.

_I love you, Dean._

There's still panic creeping up on him but this time it's a different kind. He's not afraid he'll get his heart broken by Seth anymore. No, in this moment he fears he'll never hear those sappy, totally superfluous words again. It's not the same when Roman says them.

'You don't get to leave me,' he orders his brother one last time, placing his hand on Seth's to put some more pressure on the wound. He suspects there is also an exit one he doesn't cover right now but it's too late anyway. The whole floor is flooded with Seth's blood and even if Dean would be able to somehow give him all of his, it'd still not be enough to save his brother's life.

Seth tries to laugh, more red fluid streaming out of his lips. ''s not l-like I h-have much ch-choice. T-tell Rome–' Oh hell no. He's not going to sit here and listen to Seth's farewell message. He won't die and there is no need to tell Roman anything. Seth can do that himself as soon as they make it back to Phoenix.

'No,' he stubbornly interrupts his brother, eliciting a tired huff. Dean's panic starts rising again when he realizes how dark and dull Seth's eyes have become. There is not much time left and they're wasting it with squabbling about useless crap.

'Dean,' Seth slurs his name, voice tender and demanding at once. He just shakes his head, unwilling to believe that he's so fucking helpless. The one time he was supposed to be the shield, he failed and there'll never be a way to redeem himself.

Roman will hate him forever for not being able to save Seth. But that doesn't really matter, because Dean will never forgive himself either.

Seth locks his gaze with Dean once more, his eyes telling him everything his friend is too weak to say. _I'm cold. It hurts. Please don't leave me. I'll be waiting for you. I love you. Tell Roman I love him too. I'm sorry. I'm scared. I'm so fucking scared._

He wants to comfort his brother that it's going to be over soon. That he needs to be strong only for a little while longer. It'll stop hurting in a few seconds. But all that escapes his mouth is a weak and pleading, 'Seth, I–'

And then time stands still. 'Seth?'

He wants to shake his pale, unmoving brother but deep down he knows it's over. All that he loved so much about Seth is gone; leaving behind a body that Dean cradles in his arms, as if holding him close to his heart could somehow revive his companion.

'No, no, no, come on, buddy. Open your eyes. Wake up, _wake up_ ,' he wails, burying his face in Seth's damp hair – unable to tell if he means his brother or himself. 'Seth.' It's the only thing he whispers, over and over again until he starts screaming for his lost friend, tears cascading, blazing white trails through the red stains covering his skin.

He's a mess, this whole room is, but he couldn't care less. Nothing even matters without Seth by his side, so why should he ever get up from this sticky floor again? If no one is able to take Seth away from him, he won't have to let go of his baby brother, spending the rest of his existence in blissful ignorance.

Perhaps he'll just give up too, following the only person he willingly opened his heart for.

But who's going to take care of Roman then?

They need Seth. Without him there is no Shield, no family. They're not complete if one of them is missing. Seth is their mediator, their little brother. The one who takes care of everything, only ever asking for blind trust. Even with Seth joining the Authority nothing really changed.

Sure, they lost their faith in him but deep down, they'd still do everything he asks of them. Simply because they love him so damn much. He wants Seth back. Wants to hear him laugh just one more time, listen to him jabber about this or that, hell, he'd even endure another cheesy speech about second chances and a bright future.

'Seth,' he bawls time and time again, each repetition growing more desperate. He refuses to open his eyes, the image of a dead Seth etched into his memory for all eternity. It's kind of relieving when his own lungs finally stop working properly, every inhale hurting his chest, making it almost impossible to draw air through his nose.

Tears are still rolling down his face, the hiccuped sobbing sucking the last bits of breath out of him.

Seth's name dies on his tongue when arms sneak around his waist and a warm cheek presses itself against his neck. 'Shh, 's okay, Dean. 'm here,' Seth mumbles sleepily, holding him tight from behind. ''s just a dream. 'm not goin' anywhere without ya.'

Dean instantly relaxes into Seth's firm embrace, letting go of the nasty nightmare as good as he can. It's easier when Seth kisses him lazily on the back of his neck and inches closer, not even caring that he's reducing Dean to being the small spoon.

He doesn't try to turn around and check for himself that Seth is still alive and not lying dead on the ground in the bathroom, the arms around him indicator enough that his mind has played another trick on him. So instead of working himself up because of the dream, he basks in the normalcy they share, even though his body itches to be the big spoon.

But Seth has already fallen asleep again, breath ghosting over Dean's skin in even, deep bouts. The longer they stay like this, the easier it gets for him to accept that this position is actually quite nice.

Being the one that gets protected is sort of comforting and – this would be the interesting part for Seth but thankfully he's out cold – for the first time in forever, not counting the two hand jobs, Dean feels blood starting to pool in his groin. It's not enough to fully arouse him, but it's a start.

Seems like the bond he's sharing – and currently rebuilding – with Seth finally gets deep and profound enough again for him to experience sexual attraction. This might be good news but it's definitely the most inappropriate time ever. Especially with his face resting on a tear-soaked pillow.

**Wednesday 20** **th  
** **06:00 am**

There is a loud, shrill noise interrupting his sleep, annoying the shit out of him. He needs a second to recognize it as his own phone telling him to get his ass out of bed. Dean rolls around, staring horrified at the cold and empty space next to him, only to remember that Seth is already in the gym.

Getting up is like trying to swim with a concrete block tied to his ankle. It's the hardest task ever but somehow he does it, wobbling over to the table where a tiny sheet of paper is waiting for him, Seth's neat handwriting filling out the whole space.

His brother doesn't say anything important, except for _good morning, sleepyhead_ and _I'll pick you up at eight_ , but Dean smiles nonetheless, glad that the previous evening and his nightmare didn't really change a thing between them.

He sighs loudly when he remembers that they still have six and a half hours ahead of them, one hour less if Dean speeds a little here and there and they don't run into any major construction sites. The sooner they get there, the better.

Fifteen minutes later he's locking the door behind him, running through the nothingness that is this town before he has to stop, head spinning violently, stomach roiling so hard that he has no other choice than to bend over and empty it on the sandy ground.

Okay. So he definitely needs a doctor. This is not normal. But he can't ruin this for Seth. Not more than he already did. He'll hold on until Saturday when he's back in Vegas. Should be a piece of cake for him.

Dean staggers back to the motel and heaves himself into the shower, just sitting in the tub and letting the water run over him. He has no idea how long he sits there or if he accidentally fell asleep in between, but when he gets up and puts on the clothes that are suddenly resting on a stool in the corner – they're very similar to his old Shield gear – he feels remotely better, even though he has to blink away the picture of his dead brother lying on the ground.

He's smiling when he opens the bathroom door to find Seth sitting on a chair, a steaming cup of coffee on the table, the strong scent calling to Dean even though he's not sure he should drink it. But it's better than accepting the breakfast that is undoubtedly in the brown bag next to it.

The following hours pass in silence, but it's not an uncomfortable one. Seth is doing some crossword puzzles while Dean speeds through Texas as if the devil's chasing after him. He's actually kind of glad that they're not talking because staying focused on the traffic is the only task he can handle at the moment.

They're maybe an hour away from Austin when they stop one last time to finally switch positions, Seth probably fed up with his driving style or scarred for life by it. Whatever it is, Dean is eternally grateful that he managed to hold on for so long without crashing the car.

Since Seth has done all the crosswords, even the Sudoku ones, Dean takes out his phone, only now seeing that Roman texted him last night. Look at that.

'So tell me, wonder boy,' he addresses Seth after reading all his brother's messages, 'how did you manage to be on live television, getting challenged by Jack Swagger while you were driving my ass around Arizona and New Mexico?'

Seth doesn't even try to hide his annoyance, nor does he really care how Dean found out. He's only too painfully aware that his older brothers share everything – important or not –; only wondering that it took him so long to ask.

'Oh, don't remind me of that. I was actually on my way to Rome, because he told me you just up and vanished, so we could search for you when Hunter approached me, saying that he wanted me to talk about the events of Raw on Main Event. Imagine how pissed I was.'

He has no intention of doing that, so Dean ignores that to come to the interesting question. 'How did you weasel your way out of that?' Because Seth is good, but he really would like to know exactly how good.

Seth shrugs, murmuring, 'The only way that works in the Authority.' His brother should know better than to give him such a good opening. 'You started to cry and begged daddy to let you off the hook so you can search for the fountain of youth?'

'No,' his friend heaves a long-suffering sigh and Dean is a hundred percent sure there even is some eye rolling going on. 'I said I wanted to celebrate putting you out of action by hooking up with some girls, partying until Smackdown, doing the special work out you refused to have last night.'

It's funny how Seth starts talking all confident and miffed but gets more hesitant with each word. Good for him that there is not hint of accusation in there – because in that case Dean would throw him out of the moving car.

All that he can hear is insecurity how Dean will react to the girl thing and if he's convinced Seth two-times him. Dean probably should say something soothing but he can't come up with a single thing, so he keeps his mouth shut and just nods to show Seth that he can tell the rest of the story. He's not mad at all.

Dean has failed to put a metaphorical leash on Seth in the past, so technically he has no right to demand anything from his brother. If Seth wants to have fun with someone else, Dean is the last person on earth that could judge him for that. All he can do is hope that Seth will wait for him.

'So I asked him if we could set up the stuff, get Renee and tape it right away, so they could cut it into the show. Believe it or not, I actually wasn't scheduled to face Swagger on Friday but I ran my mouth, he heard it and now we're fighting because I certainly won't back down from a challenge of _him_.'

Yeah, sounds like two idiots found each other. Dean scrolls through Roman's texts once more, humming thoughtfully before he wants to know, 'Do you actually believe that crap?'

Seth changes the lane and starts rambling away, tone light and chipper, so Dean lets him talk, too drained to even think about interrupting him.

'I don't know. He's just very proud to be American. I guess it's because I have Armenian and kinda Spanish roots, but I've never felt particularly patriotic. And I definitely couldn't live with disappointing three hundred and eighteen million people. Hey, you don't think there are that many Shield fans in the world, right?

'Oh man, one day someone will punch me in the face and yell _This is for The Shield, bitch_. I'm actually quite surprised no one has done it yet. Why didn't you?'

Dean hums, seriously considering that question. It does sound very satisfying, now that he thinks about it. 'That's something Ro would say,' he muses. It's always been more personal for him than making this feud just about The Shield.

Roman on the other hand is pissed at Seth for hurting Dean, not because he cracked their brotherhood. That might have been the reason for his fury in the beginning but it soon turned into a game of _you hurt my brother, so I'll end you_.

'And I didn't mean Swagger,' he shakes his head to concentrate on the conversation again. 'I meant the whole speech about how it's the WWE universe's fault what happened to me. Because last time I checked your warden Kane chokeslammed me on the announce table, just so that you could Curb Stomp me on it and when that didn't work, you drove my head through a bunch of cinderblocks while your buddy held me down. _You_. No one else.'

He hears a shaky inhale and sees out of the corner of his eyes how Seth's knuckles turn white when he grips the steering wheel really hard. 'I know who's to blame, believe me,' his brother grits out, aggressively staying quiet afterwards.

Alright, no apology even though Dean presented him with the perfect opportunity. Time's ticking and he's still waiting. So is Roman, who he has to write back now that Seth hasn't seized the chance so far. Maybe he'll give the kid some more time before he tells tales.

His friend's voice yanks him out of his own mind again and he is barely able to understand the words. 'Why do you think I begged Rome for help to find you?' 'Because otherwise you would've cried yourself to sleep.'

It was supposed to be a joke but the stubborn silence speaks volumes. Okay, even without an apology, Dean is starting to forgive Seth for that one. After all, he inadvertently gave him the golden opportunity to take some time off without anyone – other than Ro – missing him.

Finally, at one pm Seth lets the car come to a halt, a large house maybe a hundred meters away. It's pretty neat and also isolated, no neighbors whatsoever. Dean has to bite down on his tongue to not say something like _no one will hear you scream_.

'This the place?' Seth asks cautiously, staring at the house as if it somehow offended him. Dean looks at the GPS and Seth's handwritten note, comparing both for any contradictions, but has to shake his head.

'That's the address you gave me. Maybe Kane lied to you.' Seth whips his head around, the car coming to an abrupt halt when his brother accidentally stalls the engine. 'Kane?' he stutters helplessly, hands flying towards Dean as if he wants to grab and shake him until he replies.

Dean bats the fingers away before they reach him, pointing at the piece of paper Seth gave him yesterday. 'Well, you got the address from him, didn't you?' He really can't understand what's the big deal.

'Why would I?' his friend asks, and now it's Dean turn to stare at him. 'Because he's Taker's brother and is bound to have his home address.' And that finally does the trick. Seth looks like he just had a life changing epiphany.

Don't tell him– Dean starts laughing out loud while Seth averts his gaze, cheeks flushing red. Oh, this is better than he expected it to be and they're not even there yet.

He tries to calm down while Seth starts the car again and drives the rest of the way to the house. 'Where did you get it from?' There's a moment in which Dean firmly believes that Seth won't answer that one, but then he mumbles hurriedly, 'I sniffed around in Steph's office.'

Ladies and gentlemen, Seth Rollins to a T.

'So you risked getting caught by mommy or daddy when you could've just flat out asked Kane for it? So much for being a genius.' He has to laugh so hard that he even starts crying; his head aching so much, making him even more nauseous but he doesn't care.

Dean wipes away a tear and gets out of the car, just in case. 'And you claimed to be the one who was smart enough to create The Shield, when in reality I asked Ro to–' 'Yes,' Seth cuts him off brusquely, anger sparking up in his brown eyes.

'Thank you for reminding me once again that all I ever was and all I ever will be is the third wheel. Ambrose and Reigns, the dream team. I get it.' Jeez, what a mood killer. Especially because Dean can very well hear that Seth believes every word of it, and that's really sad.

Yes, he and Ro share a special kind of bond but Seth belongs to them. He's their baby brother and without him there's definitely something vital missing. He tries to round the car to comfort Seth but his friend just ducks away, clearly upset.

'Seth. That's not true.' He follows his brother up the steps and watches how Seth just waves his affirmations off. 'Whatever. Let's just get this over with.' They definitely need to talk about that in the future – all three of them – because Seth shouldn't feel left out and it's their job to show him that they _need_ him.

All anger disappears as soon as they can hear footsteps and Seth shoots him a panicked look to which Dean responds with a reassuring smile. He won't leave him alone in this – won't ever let Seth walk out of his life again either. There is no need to be afraid, not with Dean by his side.

Taker opens the door, thankfully looking nothing like Satan's Little Helper. He's wearing one of his old American Badass shirts and his beard is a lot better trimmed than Dean remembers it, but other than that he still looks the same. Extremely unimpressed by their presence to be honest, but Dean would be lying if he'd say he expected anything else.

They stand there awkwardly for a while, Seth getting agitated and starting to sweat until Taker finally starts talking. Just not to Seth.

'Blink twice if you want me to sic the cops on him.' The mere mention of the police causes Seth's brain to black out and Dean can feel him starting to lose it, so he just laughs good-naturedly, answering, 'Nah, not today.'

Seth steps on his foot, hissing a betrayed _Dean_ that makes him roll his eyes because now he has to take back his joke. 'He didn't kidnap me. As stupid as it may sound, I'm here to back him up.' Taker doesn't really seem to care that Seth is standing right in front of him, not even when his brother blurts out a scared and totally embarrassing, 'And we come in peace.'

If there only would be a hole in which Dean could hide right now. He wants to yell at his friend that Taker is not some alien they just happened to stumble over, but the completely unfazed expression of the older man stops him. Taker hasn't looked at Seth once so far, his eyes only fixed on Dean.

Hopefully it's not because he looks like a ghost and walks like an old geezer.

'You vanish from the face of earth to show up at _my_ doorstep?' Oh, so this is how it's going to be? Fine, two can play that game. 'Seems like we have that in common,' he shoots back unperturbed, his bold statement finally eliciting a grin out of the other.

'Come in then,' Taker says while stepping aside. Now that wasn't so hard, was it? The conversation has just started but Dean is already having tons of fun. He pokes his brother – who looks like he wants to make a beeline for the car and drive anywhere that is not here – in the ribs and whispers into his ear, 'Don't worry. I'll protect you.'

He steps into the big house while Seth is still rooted to the spot, looking into the hall warily, as if his life is going to end once he closes the door behind him. So Dean turns around and calls back teasingly, 'Maybe.'


	6. ... remember you made it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'What is going on here?' he bursts out, taking in the laptop that now shows the empty couch he's been sitting on moments ago. 'I just saw Kane cracking a joke with the Undertaker downstairs. I think I might be losing it.' 
> 
> Dean snorts and swivels the chair around, so that Seth can sit down on his lap. He rests his head against his friend's shoulder blade, snickering, 'I can't help you with your congenital stupidity, but I can tell you that it looks like we drove over one thousand and three hundred miles to fix something that is not broken. Most likely never has been.'

**Wednesday, 20** **th  
** **01: 12 pm**

Undertaker's home is nothing like Seth expected it to be. It's furnished in warm colors – lots of brown, beige and white – with the occasional animal skull hanging on the wall. No trace of any satanic cults, only a lot of space and, holy shit, a really nice fireplace.

Just looking at it gives him at least ten ideas what he could do with Dean in front of a crackling fire. But right now he has to concentrate on Taker, who still hasn't thought it necessary to even look at, let alone talk to him. It's like he's invisible.

God, has that man always been so tall and imposing?

He clears his throat loudly to make Taker turn his head towards him, but it doesn't work. It's like those icy blue eyes are glued to Dean's – the two of them communicating telepathically, probably already deepening the bond they established a whole lifetime ago when Taker kicked Dean's ass and The Shield retaliated by triple-powerbombing him through the announcer's table.

He really misses doing that. It was a move that symbolized unity, but now there's nothing left. Seth hopes that one day, his family and the fans will be able to forgive him – even if he fails bringing down the Authority – so he can help Dean lift someone up on Rome's shoulders again.

Okay, he's not making this whole situation better by reminiscing about the past. Right now, he's on a mission and he won't leave until Taker listens to him.

'We don't want to waste your time, so I'll cut to the point right away,' Seth manages to say without stuttering, but he's still being ignored. Actually, Taker interrupts him by asking Dean if he wants a beer. Hello?

Dean shakes his head minutely, replying, 'Thanks, water will do just fine.' Huh, weird. He's never before heard Dean say no to a beer. But then again, his brother is looking like just one drop of alcohol could knock him out.

'I'd like one,' Seth butts into their conversation, hoping that it'll have the desired effect. One: he's getting something to make him relax a bit. Two: Taker will fucking finally acknowledge his presence. But the man leaves without batting an eye.

As soon as Seth can't hear the footsteps anymore, he bends over to Dean and hisses, 'Why is he ignoring me?' He can't persuade Taker to do anything if he won't talk to him. Dean shrugs, a single bead of sweat running down his ashen face.

'Maybe he wants his meat scared and distraught.' He should have known that Dean will ride the _mocking Seth at all costs_ train, but he's still not prepared for any actual cannibalism jokes. Naturally, Dean breaks out in roaring laughter after seeing his poleaxed expression.

But his brother stops soon after, clapping Seth on his knee and answering in a hushed tone, 'Maybe he wants you to act like yourself before he even thinks about talking to you. Come on, Seth, be confident, cocky, smart. Don't back down. The Shield never did, so don't start now. Oh, and whatever you do, don't mention the fire.'

Who does Dean think he is? He wouldn't even poke that subject with a stick. Like he said, he values his life. It sucks from time to time, but he really loves living.

'I told you yesterday, I'm not that stupid.' Dean cocks his head as if to say _I know you and you're a damn fool sometimes_. There is no time for him to have a witty or furious comeback, because Taker enters the room at that exact moment, handing Dean a glass of water and Seth a bottle of beer.

'Shoot.' Holy hell. Did the almighty Undertaker just speak with him? Seth throws a quick glance at his brother who nods reassuringly, casually clenching his fingers into a fist, so Seth will be reminded of the Symbol of Excellence and what this little gesture stands for.

He has to congratulate himself for choosing Dean to accompany him. Smartest move ever. 'You should give Kane a second chance.' That wasn't so hard. And it even made Taker look him directly in the eyes. It doesn't matter that Seth wants to sink back into the couch until it swallows him whole.

'Is that so? Not to mention that this would be his millionth, tell me, why should I?' He has dreaded that question because no matter how hard he thought about an answer, he only came up with, 'Family is the most important thing.'

'Funny you bring that up, since you wage war with your own.' The Undertaker's unfazed reaction should have been Seth's biggest clue that something is not right. Yes, he tried to put the cops onto him but he never asked Dean why he is here to support his former brother – the one person that is responsible for the downfall of The Shield and all the turmoil he's going through.

But Seth is too busy defending himself and this whole undertaking – ha – to see what is right in front of him. 'I don't,' he bursts out, spilling a bit of the beer on the ground. 'It's just an act.'

Taker bends forward, rubbing pensively over his bearded chin, and scrutinizes Dean – who tries to stay attentive while hiding his smirk more or less successfully –, not at all caring about Seth soiling his house. 'Does he look like he's just faking his injuries?'

He knew this would come sooner or later but he still wishes he wouldn't have to look at his brother now to give the man a proper reply. Dean holds his hands up as if to say _don't drag me into this_ but Seth isn't paying attention to that.

He would be blind if he couldn't see all the signs of a severe head and spine injury but Dean has played it all down so far on this trip and Seth was too scared to mention it on his own. He also knows that no matter what he answers now, it's not good enough.

Seth still has to try because Dean expects him to not lose his confidence. After dragging a sick and hurt Dean around the country, he owes him that. 'I have to make it look real, so Hunter and Steph will buy it. We all have to make sacrifices.'

His brother subtly clears his throat – biting his bottom lip to not start laughing –, showing Seth that he once again said the wrong thing.

Taker holds up his index finger and cocks his head, the blue eyes sparking up deviously. Oh, he has seen that before. And it always has meant bad news for Seth.

'Wait. I thought I heard you say family is the most important thing, which means for _me_ to keep them out of harm's way, no matter what. Not putting their heads through cinderblocks.'

Angry silence fills the room and Seth feels the sudden urge to bash Taker's head in. Dean lightly touches him on the thigh, the tiny gesture calming him down enough to not make a horrible mistake.

But he still retorts sharply, just to show that he is a force to be reckoned with, 'You used your own brother more than once to get what you want too.' Dean, who has just been drinking some of his water, snorts into his glass and tries to cover it up with a cough. But Seth understands perfectly. He's just dug an even deeper hole for himself.

'So you admit you're using him?' Oh for Goodness' sake. He turns his head towards Dean, hoping for some assistance, but his friend only snickers and winks at him. Seth won't get any help, Dean is having way too much fun for that.

Fuck.

This is not about him or Dean or a little game of revenge. They're sitting in Taker's living room to mend a totally different relationship and he won't leave until Seth is satisfied with his deed.

'I'm here to talk you into forgiving Kane.' He's stubborn and petulant, but at least he's not hoping for the ground to open up, so he can jump in. It's harder than he thought to crack the Undertaker's first defense wall but he's getting there. He just needs to find a tender spot.

Taker shrugs, leaning back in his armchair to take a large swig of his beer. 'I don't know why I should. He sold his soul to that rich bitch, turning into someone I really don't want to have anything to do with.' Seth would be lying if he'd say he doesn't understand. He too found Kane uncharacteristically boring after he joined the Authority, which is why he was so relieved when they turned on him in March.

But since Seth left his brothers to walk among the Authority too, he got to know the other better, saw that he's not happy with being fooled by Stephanie and Hunter and regrets every day to have ever left his old life behind. He and Seth have a lot in common these days, so maybe he should try that.

What melts Rome and Dean's hearts must have some kind of effect on the Undertaker too.

'He's the only family you have. And you're the only one he has left.' Taker doesn't even need a moment to think about this – being confronted with that truth one too many times to take it serious anymore –, just points the bottle of beer at him and states casually, 'That's because he has a habit of putting everyone off. Daniel is the latest paramount example.'

_God damn, stop making this so difficult._ It's like he's doing this on purpose, having a valid counter-argument for everything Seth comes up with. 'He misses you.' Whatever works with his own brothers, just bounces off of the man. Taker really is a completely different caliber than anyone Seth has had to manipulate before.

'He knows where I live and how to use a phone.' 'But you never answer,' Seth shoots back exasperated. This time, Dean can't contain himself anymore, chuckling loudly before he looks at Seth, face all innocent and cute – even with the dark circles under his eyes –, nodding for him to continue.

Taker quietly empties his drink and puts the bottle on the table separating them. 'And you think knowing you vouched for him is gonna change a thing?' How can he even ask that?

'Yes,' he yells outraged, panic shutting his brain down when the other squints his eyes disapprovingly, as if it's against the law to raise his voice in the man's house. Backpedaling it is then. 'Look, we all know he's made a mistake, disappointed you and let you down–'

'He's nothing more than a lapdog,' he gets interrupted, but doesn't care this time. Because finally there is some life back in Taker's face. It's obvious that Kane being a marionette hurts him. Seth can work with that. Hopefully that's the one opening he needs to get through that unbelievably thick skull.

He bends forward a bit, making sure that Dean always stays in his peripheral vision, deciding to go for the truth. 'And that's a fallacy right there. He is my _friend_.'

Seth can feel Dean's curious glance on his back, but he can't worry about that now. Yes, he has just admitted for the first time that he considers Kane not only his ally but also his guardian while he's having this stint on the dark side, but it's no big deal. Not for him anyway. All that matters is that Taker will be reminded of what he liked about their brotherhood. 'He's there for me whenever I need him and helps me out.'

'Good for you. So now he's your henchman.' What the fuck is wrong with that guy? Why does he absolutely not care about anything Seth has to say? The Lord is testing him. Dean is not helping either, chuckling even louder when Seth shoots him an angry look. But he can't stay mad for long, worriedly taking in the ghost-like appearance of his brother.

Dean's trying to get up while announcing, 'As entertaining as this is, I need to go to the bathroom.' There's sweat all over his face, eyes dull and far away, and he's paler than he's been ever since Monday night. Judging by his demeanor, his friend probably has to vomit and is considerate enough to leave the room to do so.

Taker seems to take notice too, standing up to support Dean in case he won't be able to walk on his own. Stubborn as he is, Dean waves off any help and just points enquiringly to the doorway for the direction, lips pressed together tightly. 'Down the hall, second door on the right.'

Even with all the pain he has to endure at the moment, Dean still looks back at him once he's about to step into the hallway and winks at him encouragingly. _Keep on fighting, you're doing fine._

Alright, he can do that. But even though Dean hasn't exactly been very supportive so far, Seth starts getting nervous without him around; his confidence shrinking considerably the longer he stares into that completely closed off face. It's not helping that Taker turns around before he sits down, Seth finally able to read the print on his shirt.

_3 can keep a secret if 2 are dead._

As a teenager Seth had laughed about the CRIME INC. shirt. Today, he can't help but fear those words will bite him in the ass. Nevertheless, he has to push on, hoping that ultimately the family card will work with someone like the Undertaker too. He hasn't met anyone so far who has been a hundred percent immune to it.

'He's no one's puppet, I can assure you that. I would be so lost without him in the Authority.' Taker scoffs, voice gravelly and dark, murmuring loud enough for him to hear, 'I think you're in way over your head already, even with my brother at your side.'

True. But not something he was keen on hearing anyway.

'Tell me, what do you expect will happen tonight? I listen to your nonsense until you bore the hell out of me, just to wake up tomorrow, hell-bent on once again being the one who condones?'

Yes, please. But they can leave out Seth's fruitless attempts to convince him if Taker already knows how this will end. 'Sometimes you just have to suck it up. That's what family does. You forgive all the silly mistakes your baby brothers make because they obviously don't know any better.'

Okay, he might have slipped something personal there, but as far as Seth can remember, Taker has almost always been the first one to defend his sibling, the one who said _fuck it, you only have one family_. Why is he so against letting Kane back in another time?

'He's forty-seven. You're twenty-eight. Neither one of you can really claim to be too innocent and stupid to be forgiven easily.' That man has an answer for everything and it's driving Seth insane. And why does he keep referring to Roman and Dean? This conversation shouldn't be about them. Seth can't deal with yet another person telling him he did wrong.

He should use this to his own defense. Turn it around, so Taker can't hold it against him anymore. But that's easier said than done. 'One never stops depending on older siblings. One also never stops loving them, no matter what.'

God damn, why isn't Dean here to listen to this?

'Alright son,' Taker starts, staring Seth down, 'let me ask you something first. Dean is here to be your cheerleader because he _somehow_ is able to deal with the treason you committed, even though each week you give him so many reasons to run away as fast as he can, but what do you think will happen when you break his heart again in, say, a year or so? And then again in three years. And one more time in five.

'Brothers have a strong bond that can overcome everything but it is also one of the most fragile things in the world, shattering completely after too many setbacks.'

That's ridiculous. Why would Seth ever do that to his family a second or third time? After almost three months he's still working his ass off to make them trust him. He never wants to be this lonely and helpless again. Seth knows that one more major fuck up will cost him not only his brotherhood, but also his relationship with Dean and the friendship with Roman. Losing one of them always means losing the other one too. They only come in a package.

'I won't,' he huffs, angry that Taker accuses him of being so imbecile, but he gets interrupted immediately. How rude. 'Stop it. You can't predict the future. No one ever thought you would turn on your family in the first place, so no one can say that you won't do it again. Don't you dare lie to me.'

He opens his mouth to tell the man how utterly inane that is, but stops in his tracks, realizing that he's right. Seth has already done the unthinkable. Who can promise him that there won't come a day when he'll run away from Dean once more?

He's changing or at least trying to, but he's not as strong as Roman or as determined as Dean. What if the responsibility will be too much for him? He can't fuck around with anyone's feelings anymore.

Okay, he's not helping himself right now. Getting panicked won't do any good. Right now he needs to focus on Kane and the Undertaker. Tonight, once this is done, he can calmly think about this whole Dean thing.

Seth just pulled himself up when Taker throws the next bomb at him. 'Or imagine this. You three puppies get back together and one of them stabs _you_ in the back. You can brag all you want that you'd forgive them in a heartbeat, but I know you wouldn't. No one is able to do that.'

There is nothing left for him to do than breathe furiously through his nose, nostrils flaring. He never thought this man could piss him off so badly. But then again, the truth always hurts the most.

'Do you deserve his forgiveness? His willingness to be there for you even now that he clearly should be in a hospital?' _No, please, don't. Don't go there._ He can't– Seth can't deal with this.

'Do you take his love and support for granted?' Why won't he stop talking? Why is he assaulting Seth with all this? Things that Rome has pointed out in the past too, trying to find out if Seth was serious about his feelings for Dean. Things that even strangers can see clear as day.

It's making him sick that anyone realizes how fickle Seth still is – anyone but him. Dean knows too, of course he does, but he's here with him anyway, giving him chance after chance after chance, praying that Seth isn't wasting his faith or, even worse, his love.

'Do you think you deserve him?' _Enough_.

His eyes start to sting horribly and he has to avert his gaze, so he won't crumble under the hard and unforgiving stare of the man. But Seth knows he wants to hear an answer, an honest one, and there is no way he can weasel his way out of this.

'No.'

Seth doesn't know how but he finds the courage to look into Taker's eyes, his heartbeat elevating when he catches the slightly disappointed expression on the other's face.

He doesn't deserve Dean, he knows that. But that doesn't mean he will give up on his brother, because one day he will be worthy again. He's dead set on making this all right.

Even though he tries to defend himself, Seth can only whisper a defiant, 'I'm working on it though, and I won't ever stop until I do. Dean means the world to me and I won't let him walk out of my life just like that.'

Neither Dean nor Roman. Not if he can help it. Not because of his own stupidity. 'Like you left him and your other friend behind.' It's not a question, which makes it hurt even more. Seth is barely able to hold back tears of frustration, wishing Dean would finally return, so they can overpower Taker and shut him the hell up.

'I'm just human,' Seth shoots back, voice shaking with fury. 'I make mistakes like everyone else. But at least Kane and I try to make up for the shit we've done.' So cut him some fucking slack. It's not like Seth murdered his family. _Didn't I tell you not to go there?_ Dean's voice pipes up in his head, reminding him in the very last second to not say that out loud.

He might be mad that the Undertaker is aware of all his weak spots without even knowing him, but that incident is still a raw and open wound and Seth really doesn't want to put salt into it.

'There's one thing I don't get,' Taker changes the subject, sensing that Seth is close to breaking apart. 'Why did he send you? If he wants to rekindle with me again, why isn't he here himself, showing some balls? Or are they the witch's property now too?'

Oh, thank God. This is more like the conversation Seth wanted to have. He knows what to do now, his confidence coming back to him, his fighting spirit rising once more. 'I promised him I would fix this.'

Taker raises his eyebrows and rubs over his beard again, thinking this over for a second. 'You want to mend a bond you know nothing about when you still struggle with your own cracked brotherhood?' Why is this man so smart? What is it with the Brothers of Destruction actually being the Brothers of Wisdom? He can't believe how batshit crazy he's been to think he could outwit someone like the Undertaker.

'Kane's a valuable ally. I need him.' 'But he doesn't depend on you,' Taker responds evenly, not giving Seth a second to catch up. 'Humor me, do you think your brothers need you?'

No, no, no. He barely made it out of the black hole that was filled with despair and anguish and now Taker intends on throwing him back in there? Where the hell is Dean? He needs to see him, touch him just for a second to remind himself what he's fighting for.

'Three months ago I would have clearly said yes,' he murmurs, not even caring if Taker hears him or not. 'And now?' comes the almost tender question, as if the other isn't sure about pushing Seth some more.

But since they're already at it, he can answer that too. It's not like the Undertaker can't figure it out on his own. 'I don't know anymore, but I hope they do.' And then it hits him like a brick, the confusion letting him forget his misery. 'Wait, what do you mean he doesn't need me?'

A tiny smirk crawls over Taker's face and Seth can't help but shiver. This doesn't bode well, he's seen that grin on the television screen way too many times to know something unpleasant is about to happen.

'Well, he's a grown up man and always takes care of his business. If we have a quarrel, we solve it ourselves.' He should realize that this makes sense, but Seth is concentrating on the wrong thing, breathing in relieved before saying a tiny bit proudly, 'Oh, then that's my fault. He told me you never write back or answer his calls, so I thought I could charm the pants off him by promising–'

'I get it,' he gets cut off once again. Someone should teach the man some manners. 'What makes you believe you can achieve what he, my own flesh and blood, couldn't?' Well, there's the fact that Seth can be very convincing – just look at Dean not only being here with him in this house, but also making Seth the first man he ever gave a chance relationship-wise.

'I'm just dumb and confident like that,' he shrugs, but can't help the smug smile. For some reason, Taker has seen enough and stands up, taking the beer bottle out of Seth's hands. He hadn't even realized he was still holding onto it.

'You should look after your friend.' What? But he hasn't achieved anything yet. Or has he? Seth really can't tell. His people reading skills have gotten so rusty, it's embarrassing.

He gets up too, crossing his arms over his chest as some kind of defense mechanism and nods towards the door. 'Down the hall, second on the right?' Taker shakes his head, adding thoughtfully, 'Try up the stairs, left and the third door on the left.'

Please don't tell him Dean went on a little excursion through the house and Taker somehow got wind of it. But wouldn't he be mad about it then, instead of sending Seth – who is nothing more than a part-time co-worker – right after him?

Before he climbs up the stairs, he checks the second door on the right anyway, just to make sure it's really a bathroom and not a secret entrance to a crematory or torture chamber.

**25 minutes earlier**

Dean staggers down the hall, relief washing over him when he finally closes the door of the bathroom behind him. He doesn't want to miss the conversation – because it's even funnier than he hoped it would be –, but his body left him no other choice.

Sipping that water made him unbelievably sick all of a sudden and he wanted to be alone in case he needs to hurl. Since he's sweating very badly, Dean washes his face with cold water multiple times, all the while waiting for his stomach to decide if it wants to rebel or not.

No matter how long he stares at the sink though, he won't start heaving, so Dean splashes some more water on him before he silently unlocks the door.

'Neither one of you can really claim to be too innocent and stupid to be forgiven easily,' he hears Taker letting it all out on Seth; his legs refusing to carry him back to his brother just yet. He would much rather explore this place, while he's already here.

So Dean walks up the stairs, his friend answering the question stubbornly with, 'One never stops depending on older siblings. One also never stops loving them, no matter what.' What a brave little soldier.

The house is awfully huge and reminds Dean a bit of a ski lodge even though they're in the middle of Texas. He wouldn't want to live here but he definitely feels comfortable walking through it.

There are a lot of pictures on the wall, most of them showing Taker on his bikes, some captured the man with his family and friends. Dean grabs the railing with both hands and hops over a huge black Labrador that sleeps on the top of the stairs. It won't even wake up when he gently runs his fingers through its fur.

He doesn't spare a thought about invading someone's privacy, too curious to know how the Undertaker lives, but Dean has no chance to enter a single room. The moment he lays his hand on the doorknob he hears a creaking that makes him draw his hand back immediately. He turns his head to the left, looking for the source of the noise.

What the hell?

'The fuck you doing here?' He notices how venomous his voice sounds, but he can't help it. Just the sight of _him_ makes his head pound all anew, bile crawling up his esophagus.

'Please, come in.' Yeah, fuck you too. Dean is very close to run towards the man and attack him right here, just for the sake of it. He's sure it'd feel even better than listening to Taker verbally ripping his brother apart. But there is a tiny part of him that wants to follow Kane into the room.

In the end, he does walk down the hall and goes through the door, but he never lets his guard down. That is until he sees the laptop on the desk, the screen showing the conversation taking place downstairs. Seth is trying desperately to stand his ground, but Dean can see him squirm in his seat, losing his confidence without him around.

'You monitored us?' He should have known that something was going on when Taker didn't even ask why Dean showed up at Seth's side. Because for anyone else it shouldn't be logical, unless they already know the whole story.

Un-fucking-believable.

Kane doesn't even try to hide the computer, just nods casually. 'I merely wanted to know–' Dean couldn't care less. He's not done talking yet. 'Why are you even here? I thought the whole reason for Seth dragging me here is to reconcile you two again.'

He's gonna bash someone's head in if they came here in vain. Kane clears his throat and Dean knows instantly that he won't like to hear what's coming. 'We made up last week after he gave me a piece of his mind.'

All this for nothing. He could be in his bed, finally recovering for Christ's sake, but instead he's here, talking to the one person that still deserves one hell of a beatdown after everything he put Dean through.

'You're toying with him. You and your brother.' Kane doesn't even have the decency to look ashamed, just gestures at the screen and says, 'We were curious what Seth would do.'

'Yeah, we all are,' Dean mumbles grumpily, unable to be mad at the man. It's not like he can hold it against these two to tease his baby brother.

Right now he too isn't any better, staying here with Kane instead of going downstairs to support Seth. For some reason he knows that this whole setup was only meant for his friend since no one knew that Dean would accompany him. And maybe that knowledge is what makes him stay, watching Seth on the monitor.

After yet another attack from the Undertaker his brother takes a swig of his beer to stall some time. It's actually kind of sad but since Seth is busy with not getting a heart attack, Dean chooses to seize the moment and question Kane too. There are a lot of things that he still doesn't get.

'Who came up with that moronic cinderblock idea?' He desperately wants to know because they haven't talked about this yet. Dean is unwilling to mention it until he gets an apology and Seth too scared to make yet another mistake. But Dean doesn't have to hold anything back with Kane. If someone can understand and deal with his ire, it's him.

Without missing a beat, Kane answers, 'Your brother.' Awesome. It's not exactly a surprise but it still sucks to hear that Seth tried to kill him on live television. How can anyone come up with that shit? At least Dean had only hid in birthday presents and trunks instead of almost beheading his brethren.

And people call him the lunatic one.

'He prepared them beforehand, so they would break easier.' That doesn't make it better, even if Kane thinks so. Without knowing that Roman said those words to Seth already, he mumbles angrily, 'Doesn't mean it didn't hurt.'

Mismatched blue eyes take in his appearance and Dean tries to hold his head high, but his aching neck causes him to wince slightly. Without saying anything Kane nods at the chair, his hand hovering in mid-air, as if he's not sure if he should touch Dean.

His glare must warn the other to not do it, if he wants to leave this room with all ten fingers. Dean does not shy away from biting people and right now he's just waiting for a reason to sink his teeth into the other's skin.

'You do not look so good, to be honest,' Kane points out the obvious. 'Have you been in a hospital yet?' No, for God's sake, he hasn't. Otherwise, he wouldn't be here, his injury way too serious to allow him to travel through the states for a conversation that isn't even necessary.

So naturally he waves it off, eyes fixed on the screen and the blond patch of his brother. 'I'm fine.' And if Kane thought he'll just ignore what happened on Monday, he couldn't be more wrong. They're done when Dean says it. 'You helped him, didn't you?'

Kane nods, gaze drifting out of the window for a second, before he looks at Dean, a tiny smirk ghosting over his face. 'For one moment I thought he would not go through with it.' Then he doesn't know Seth very well. If that cuckoo has set his eyes on something, has made up his mind, there is nothing that can stop him. Not even remorse.

Dean still hasn't decided if that's a gift or a curse.

'But he stomped on my head anyway. I'm such a lucky man.' The smile on Kane's face grows bigger – with a brother like the Undertaker he sure is no stranger to sarcasm – before he clears his throat and sits down on the corner of the desk, casting a patronizing glance at Dean.

'You wanted some time off. Seth granted you that wish and gave you a reason to come back any time you choose to pick up where you left off. If you want to keep going that way. He certainly wants to continue this feud.'

So it's true. Seth put his head through cinderblocks to give him the break Dean didn't know how to ask for. His brother came up with a plan, because that's what he always does, being supportive and so not helpful at the same time. Things like the incident on Raw happen when Seth doesn't think his ideas through, but what's done is done.

He probably has to be thankful that the blocks were prepared beforehand, or he wouldn't be sitting here, only battling with nausea, a headache and difficulty with his balance and walking, extreme neck pain and numbness in his limbs. That's nothing compared to actually being dead, right?

Kane is still smirking softly, content with the actions of his little ward. They might be on Dean's side but the fact of the matter is that he has not a chance to ever defeat Seth in the ring as long as he's part of the Authority. As long as Kane is there to help him out whenever Triple H is afraid Dean might rip his brother's handsome face off to make a new mask out of it.

If Dean wants to wrestle Seth, he has to eliminate Kane first. Otherwise it's like he's constantly running against a wall. 'So you can help him steal more victories?' Dean addresses the elephant in the room, the smile on Kane's face growing into a fatherly one.

Ugh, how he hates that. He's not six anymore. He's never had a father and he doesn't need one. Looking at him like that won't get Kane anywhere. Sadly, his words do hit Dean right where it hurts the most though. 'So he can be exactly where he wants to be; right by your side.'

He should get a tattoo in his forehead that says _Seth Rollins is my Achilles' heel_ , but then again it probably wouldn't be needed since everyone can already fucking see that – not that he makes it really hard for the people around him to figure it out.

So instead of letting Kane get to him, he concentrates on the conversation between his friend and Taker, enjoying once again how relentless the man is. 'He's really putting him through the mill.'

Kane presses his lips together, evidently not happy with Dean refusing to talk about his feelings with him – seriously, what did he expect? – but following the conversation of Seth and his own brother for a while too before breathing in. At first he fears Kane will try to force Dean to delve deeper into the topic of Seth, but then he sees the stricken look on the other's face.

He's about to share a secret he shouldn't tell anyone. Oh, now it's getting interesting. Coming here definitely wasn't a mistake, even if shit hit the fan.

'Taker wants to verify you made the right choice.'

The what? This is a joke, right? He is a fucking grown up man. He can damn well decide for himself if Seth is the right one and besides, if he wouldn't be, Dean would have already left and never looked back again. Yes, Seth is complicated, smart and dopey at the same time and fucks up so often that Dean has already lost count but he also makes him feel alive. That's all he needs.

He never wanted Roman to interfere in their weird not-yet-relationship and he really doesn't want anyone else doing it. Why does Taker even care? He isn't the one who has to deal with Seth's antics and crazy plans and exploding emotions.

'Isn't that my decision?' he asks, surprised that he doesn't sound angry. He's just curious as to why someone is so interested in his life.

'Certainly,' Kane affirms, nodding twice, fingers straightening his pants. When he opens his mouth again, Dean has to pinch himself to make sure he didn't imagine it. 'You must know, Taker really took a liking to you. You impressed him and ever since, he has been very protective over you. By testing Seth he wants to see if the faith he has in you is not wasted.'

But seriously, _why_? All Dean ever did was beating up his younger brother until they had a match – which Taker won. He never had a moment with the man that screamed _we're buddies now_. Or maybe they had and he just completely missed it.

But damn, he has to give it to him. What a fucking smart move. Judging Dean by the one he chose to be his significant other. Good to see that Seth keeps on fighting, even though he's getting emotionally manhandled.

'I presume he wants to find out why you fell in love with Seth.' Dean sighs and wipes the sweat off his face. Why won't people stop labeling it as love? It's boxing him in and making him feel worthless for some reason. Everyone knows already what it is, so why do they need to hear it from him?

'I don't,' his lips spit out the automatic response, a defense mechanism that has lost its touch because no one buys it anymore. He certainly can't fool Kane.

'Please,' the other interrupts his attempt to escape the truth. 'We all know it, there is no need to lie. The whole world is painfully aware of it.' He's heard that before and the words still have the same angst-inducing effect on him.

Dean knows he too fucked up in the past few months – most recently on Sunday night – but he still has to hope that the fans out there don't have a clue about the true extent of his feelings. He couldn't deal with people knowing that Seth is more to him than just a brother. He's nowhere near ready for that.

Baby steps. That's all he's able to manage.

There's a soft buzzing and Dean lifts his head, realizing Kane is talking again. He misses the first few words, too lost in his thoughts to get back fast enough. 'I have watched Seth for a long time now. Saw him struggle to keep you safe without making it seem like he deliberately does so, and I have seen the two of you together. He is truly happy when he is with you.'

Kane isn't telling Dean anything he isn't perfectly aware of himself. And besides, it's not like Dean can contain his own euphoria when he's together with his family.

'What I am trying to say is that he has been wrong on many occasions, but Seth is doing his best.' He knows. Sometimes he even thinks that that's one of the biggest problems they have, and also why Seth left to join the enemy.

Dean doesn't even know what to answer to that. If Roman would be here, they'd have a long discussion, but Dean isn't in the mood to share his worries with Kane. He has said enough already and this whole conversation is draining him of his people batteries in no time.

To busy himself he follows his brother's predicament on the screen. Seth's face gets impossibly sad after Taker asks him all kinds of hurtful questions but the one that breaks his friend is, 'Do you think your brothers need you?' This whole day turned out to be so much more horrible than both of them had anticipated and Dean doesn't like being stuck in a corner.

As much as he wants to forget what Kane tried to drill into his head, he can't. Seth even said it himself. He doesn't believe he deserves Dean, Roman or their unconditional love.

He should tell him the truth, because _obviously_ it's not a big deal. Is he overreacting? Is it just him thinking that it's a fucking huge step to say those words? Maybe it's because Seth is the first person he really does love so deeply that it _hurts_ just being a flight of stairs away from him.

Alright, he's not able to hold on to his sanity or self-control much longer. He needs to change the topic right now, so he murmurs the only thing he's wanted to tell the other for a long time now. Dean might not condone Seth choosing none other than Kane to be his double agent buddy, but he knows when it's time to let go of a pointless grudge.

'Thanks, you know.' Kane furrows his brows, as if he can't understand why Dean would ever feel the need to thank him, toying with him once more to make him say it out loud.

He groans and rolls his eyes, gesturing at himself, Seth on the screen and Kane, hoping it'll be enough. 'This. Mostly taking care of him and looking out for our brother. You'll keep an eye on Seth while I'm gone. And you better not hurt Ro or I'll come back haunting your ass,' he adds, voice clipped and menacing, so Kane will know that he better not misbehave.

He gets a little curtsy as well as a smirk, the tiny gesture telling him all he needs to know. Now there's one last thing he wants to get out of the way before he'll pat the sleeping dog and join Seth downstairs once more.

'Why me though? Why did he handpick me?' He's always had a problem with understanding how people could see past his bullshit facade and like the chaos that lies beneath just the same. Up to this day, Dean is still convinced that he isn't exactly friendship material.

Kane gets up and walks over to the window, back turned towards Dean, hands hidden in his pockets. 'I really cannot tell. It was easy with guys like Jeff Hardy; you on the other hand,' the other starts but pauses to find the right words while Dean stares at the tiny Seth on the monitor and remembers how the Charismatic Enigma refused to back down, earning Taker's respect by standing tall after their ladder match.

'I assume you struck a chord in him,' Kane finally speaks on without giving Dean a satisfying answer. 'Why is it so hard for you to just accept that you are special enough to stand out from the crowd?' Because he isn't. Yes, he has a huge ego and never shies away from a challenge but that only works in the ring.

As long as he's performing, cutting a promo, standing at ringside to support one of his brothers there's nothing that can shatter his confidence – not counting betrayals – but outside of work he's a different person. All he was ever good at is wrestling, not talking to people and forming bonds.

He's still amazed every time someone tells Dean they cherish him.

Kane seems to sense his distress and tries a different way. 'Tell me, why do you like Roman?' How is that going to help him understand why the Undertaker – the person everyone in the WWE wants to impress – handpicked Dean? But okay, he can talk about Ro.

'We like the same stuff, have the same sense of humor. We even get along when we're butting heads or trying to claw each other's eyes out because of some stupid argument. Being around him is easy, it feels natural.' Kane doesn't turn around but he hums pensively.

'And why do you love Seth?' Isn't that the million dollar question? The one Roman has asked him once too and here he is, still unable to answer it. A thousand thoughts rattle through his head – opposites attract, birds of a feather flock together; things never get boring with Seth and how he makes Dean laugh and it's more awesome than when Ro does it.

How Dean wanted to change for Seth so he'll be worthy enough, yet at the same time could be himself without getting judged. Seth never tried to alter him. 'I don– I just do.' There are so many little things that make him love Seth more and more with each passing day that he's unable to put them into words.

And honestly, he wants Seth to be the first and only one who gets a definite answer.

'And?' Kane presses on in the hopes of Dean figuring it out on his own. But he's so lost right now, he doubts he could see it clearly even if his mind wouldn't be on fire permanently.

'And no matter what he does, deep down it feels so _right_ that I never want it to end.' Oh, now he gets it. But it still doesn't answer his question. Just because something is happening as if it's been preordained does not mean it makes sense.

'You should look after your friend,' they hear the Undertaker suggest through the speakers and Kane turns around, face serious and urgent. 'Bring him outside once he is ready for round two.'

As long as no one will bother Dean, he'll gladly follow the instructions. He didn't come here to talk about his relationship with Seth. And now that they don't have to sort out other people's problems, Dean wants to enjoy Taker and Kane ribbing his brother.

'One more thing,' he holds the man back, waiting until he gets a nod to move on. 'Night of Champions.' Before they go back to private things again, there is some business they need to attend to. Kane shoots him a confused glance, face lighting up when he asks, 'You want to come back then? I am sure Seth would appreciate–' 'Seth versus Ro.'

Dean has no intention of fighting against Seth in another pay-per-view without knowing for sure that there's no one who could interfere. A proper plan is what he needs before stepping into the ring with that coward again. Roman on the other hand doesn't care, has urged Dean to arrange this match at all costs.

'Does he know?' Dean shakes his head, indicating that Kane isn't allowed to tell Seth either. 'Not yet, but it's been a long time coming. No more running from us.' Or rather Roman. But Dean intends to finish his job as soon as he comes back. Maybe he'll choose Night of Champions to help out Ro if he gets outnumbered or Seth tries to cash in. Maybe he won't. That depends on how much progress he'll make in the meantime.

'As you wish,' the man promises, closing the door behind him. Dean can't see Seth on the screen anymore, so he waits, somehow knowing that his brother will turn up soon enough. Sixty seconds later Seth walks into the room, rubbing his eyes perplexed.

'What is going on here?' he bursts out, taking in the laptop that now shows the empty couch he's been sitting on moments ago. 'I just saw Kane cracking a joke with the Undertaker downstairs. I think I might be losing it.'

Dean snorts and swivels the chair around, so that Seth can sit down on his lap. He rests his head against his friend's shoulder blade, snickering, 'I can't help you with your congenital stupidity, but I can tell you that it looks like we drove over one thousand and three hundred miles to fix something that is not broken. Most likely never has been.'

Seth takes Dean's hands in his own, entwining them while leaning back a bit. 'What do you mean?' he asks and Dean can feel the rumble inside of his brother's chest when he speaks.

'They did what brothers do. Sort it out on their own, because time heals all wounds and all that.' Seth hums disapprovingly, tugging at Dean's fingers to get his attention. 'He punked me,' his friend murmurs shocked and Dean is sure he's also pouting for as long as the silence stretches on.

'I was telling him on Monday that I would visit Taker and he looked me dead in the eyes, telling me he expects a call by nightfall. All the while he was talking with him again? I can't believe he got another one over on me.'

It was foolish to believe they were the only ones who could play such games. Seth sighs, wiggling around in his lap until he can sling his arms around Dean's neck and gently bump their noses together. Dean gives it all to not break the embrace because of the pain washing over him.

'They're gonna try to kill me tonight, aren't they?' Seth whispers, voice giving away his nervousness. Dean would love to tell Seth he deserves it and that he totally brought that one on himself, but this is not the right time to rub it in his friend's face.

Just kidding. There's never a wrong time for that. Thing is though, the words won't come out – like his mouth forbids him to upset Seth even more.

'Don't leave me alone with them.' He definitely won't wander around in this house on his own anymore, having learned his lesson already. But his friend doesn't need to know that.

He kisses Seth on the back right around the place where his scar should be, whispering, 'Don't give me a reason to.'


	7. one touch will make me in love, no fakin'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, you guys have no idea how hard it was to revise this chapter. I've read it so many times now that I'm sick of it. And it really hurt that I had to delete so many funny scenes to deal with the serious stuff. Anyway, I loved writing Taker. I just love the Undertaker =) Thanks to all of you who leave kudos/comments. I love you <3

**06:03 pm**

A few hours later they're all in the backyard, getting ready to eat some of the home-made burgers the Undertaker is currently grilling on the brazier. If Dean wouldn't witness the spectacle with his own eyes, he'd believe he's imagining all of this.

But here the four of them are – what an odd bunch, huh? –, the scent of the charcoal almost drowning out the one of a freshly mowed lawn. He's glad he was able to convince Seth to come outside and face Taker once more after their little heart-to-heart.

They both got a lot to think about by the Brothers of Destruction, but Dean knows he still got pretty lucky compared to Seth. All things considered. He's heard almost every word Taker and his friend had spoken, but he hasn't told Seth yet.

Instead he assured his brother that he let Kane know what exactly he thought about being lured into a trap and other stuff that didn't happen but that Seth needed to hear. It is pretty devious how they fooled his brother but then again, what did he expect from those two?

Everyone in this garden is a shifty asshole. He has accepted the rules of this new game, joining the ranks of the Undertaker and Kane while Seth tries to fight back, even though he knows he's already lost the battle. There's still a war of minds he is hell-bent on winning.

Dean will stand here and watch him fail and it's gonna be awesome.

When Taker gets up to look after the burgers one of his fingers deliberately brushes over Dean's hand. Apparently this is the part where he gets his lecture from the big boss.

He winks at Seth who just looks at him irritated and a bit helplessly and stands up to follow Taker to the grill, always making sure to keep his brother in his eyesight. The mouthwatering scent of the cooked meat is overwhelming but Dean is still not quite sure if it's safe to eat anything.

He's been nibbling at a slice of bread for the whole afternoon, sipping tiny droplets of his water and asking for a beer so no one will notice his indisposition. He's walking that bottle around for an hour already, pouring parts of it on the grass whenever no one is looking.

It's a shame to waste it, but he really doesn't want to hear any more questions about his condition. It's hard enough to keep the happy-go-lucky facade going without getting a break.

Taker doesn't say anything at first, just keeps flipping the burgers over, so Dean forces himself to turn his head towards Seth who keeps shooting him glances that can either be read as _you liar; you promised you wouldn't leave me alone anymore_ or _I've made a grave mistake by ever coming here_.

Either way, Dean likes seeing Seth looking at him as if he's some knight in shiny armor just to do nothing, except for beaming at his brother.

'He's a good guy,' Taker guides Dean's attention back, nodding towards the table where their younger siblings are sitting. Seems like Dean passed the test with flying colors. He couldn't be more proud of Seth.

'So, he really means to take on Hunter and Steph with just Kane by his side?' Dean wants to shake his head, deciding against it in the very last second. Looking back at Seth has hurt enough, so he just furrows his brow.

'Oh no, Ro and I are there too,' he assures the man. 'We do what we can, ruining some plans of theirs, fucking with their favorite toys. Seth makes sure to keep us within the Authority's reach.' To be honest, Dean has no clue what Seth is mapping out or how he intends to take away the power from the McMahon-Helmsley faction.

But it doesn't really matter to him anyway. He'd even execute Seth's plan if it'd say _get naked and kill Hunter with my tie_. He's said it before – and this will never change, no matter what kind of stupid shit Seth pulls on him – but he'd follow his friend's lead everywhere.

He might not trust his brother in this whole relationship thing but he definitely has faith in that smart, conniving brain. Though even that lacks class and finesse these days.

'Without The Shield, he won't be able to do that forever,' Taker warns him, voice low, a stern expression on his face. That's not new to Dean and Roman either. They've talked about this whole scam so many times that he is sick of it already.

'We know,' he answers, eyeing his brother warily. Seth nods multiple times, intently listening to Kane, accidentally looking up and locking gazes with Dean. He smiles back at his friend before he even knows what he's doing.

'But we're not sure he does yet.' Seth is so obsessed with fixing The Shield and their brotherhood that he has lost the goal out of sight. Which makes this whole mess even worse than it already is, but they can't constantly be the ones who chide Seth for this or that. Some things he has to realize all by himself. And that is one of them.

Until then, they will support their little brother as good as they can.

But he's not here to talk about Seth or the Authority. That is none of Taker's business. The Shield will defeat their enemies either together or die trying.

'So, Brock did the unthinkable.' He knows it's no use to beat around the bush, he's not someone who likes doing it anyway and judging by the amused look he gets, Taker appreciates his boldness. 'Sometimes bad things happen to good people.'

 _Story of my life_ , he thinks and crosses his arms over his chest after handing Taker his beer bottle. 'You should have seen him, Seth was shell-shocked,' Dean shares his memories with the man, perfectly able to recall his brother's stunned silence when he watched Brock getting the three count. 'It's like a part of him died too.'

'Don't make me like him,' Taker jokes, eyeing Dean's beer for a moment before he pours some over the meat, flames sparking up immediately.

He really doesn't mean to ask, it's obvious the man isn't up to a hundred percent yet, but Dean does anyway. Payback can be a bitch. 'You still recovering?' He gets a questioning look, Taker seeming too surprised to answer at first. Then he finds his voice again, asking sarcastically, 'What do you think?'

Oh, Dean is quite sure that the other does not want to know what he thinks about the end of the Streak, Brock Lesnar or the poor condition that gorilla left the Phenom in, so Dean lets Taker in on another secret. 'You know, on Monday I actually expected to hear a gong during Heyman's speech. I was standing backstage, hoping you would come out and shut them up.'

He gets an honest, open smile for that, as if Taker can't believe someone is still excited to have him around. If he would be fourteen years younger and still the American Badass, Dean would challenge the man to at least a dozen matches, so he could win and steal the motorbike to ride up the ramp with it. He's always wanted to do that.

But Taker doesn't have even a handful of them left in him and Dean still feels privileged and honored that the man picked him to have one of those rare fights.

'Sorry to disappoint you.' Oh no, not at all. Dean wishes for the gong that vibrates in his very bones every time Kane is in the ring too. Because for some reason he's sure that only his big brother can beat some sense into that doofus.

'Shit happens,' Dean mutters, not even thinking twice about clapping the man friendly on the shoulder, even though pain shoots through his upper body. He forces himself to open his mouth and speak on, a bit afraid of the silence that could end this conversation. 'Brock's a monster, but he'll make sure Seth won't cash in.'

It wasn't planned but it's comforting to know that Roman won't have to worry about that in his absence. Fucking up Seth's chances to be the new champion before he is truly ready is Dean's favorite pastime during work and he wants it to stay that way.

'Don't take off for too long, or he'll forget to fear you,' Taker speaks on but Dean holds up his hand, vision going black for a second, objecting vehemently, 'Ro will take care of that. He also has some unfinished business with him. And I don't want Seth to _fear_ me. I only want him to never forget that he better doesn't fuck with my family again.'

Taker nods a tiny bit impressed, taking a swig of his beer, obviously knowing he watered the plants with it but the other is nice enough to not address it.

Dean turns his whole body around to make sure Seth is still doing fine, getting worried that he can't move his neck as good as he was mere two hours ago. But he is still fully intending to give Seth at least one nice evening on this trip, to make up for today and the aborted first date his brother was so happy to have organized behind his back.

Taker pokes him gently in the ribs, making him look the man dead in the eyes again. The serene mood from a few moments ago is gone and Dean can sense that he'll now get to hear something the Undertaker hasn't told anyone before.

He still can't believe he's special enough to even make Taker's thoughts revolve around him.

'I've followed your career and it's getting hard to ignore all the comparisons people make when they mention your name. The ones that struck me the most were Brian Pillman and Stone Cold.' 'I don't care about stuff like that,' he waves Taker's concern off, earning himself a reprimanding look.

Oops. The big dog wasn't finished yet. He nods, bright colorful spots appearing in his vision, but thankfully the sudden dizziness doesn't make him miss the proud expression that flashed over the man's face. Holy shit. He's used to Roman looking at him like that, but an almost stranger? He really doesn't deserve this praise.

'Good,' Taker just won't stop flattering him. 'Because you are very talented. You're the whole package and it would be a shame if you fucked that up.' Oh believe him, he has been at rock bottom and no intention of ever hitting it again. Not with Roman and Seth in his life – two people he'll gladly fight and die for. 'Been there, done that, won't happen again.'

He knows that Taker has had some problems in his early years in the business too. Dean is not sure if the other, like he himself, was close to quitting life in general, but he's read once that even the Undertaker couldn't stay away from drugs and the other temptations that come with this profession.

And maybe it's that shared misery connecting them so strongly, because only they know how hard it is to get up and work your way to the top again.

'Never let anyone tell you what you can or can't do, who you should be more like. You're damn near perfect the way you are, so don't be the next of someone else. Be the first of you.'

Taker might not be able to see it, but he is so fucking thankful that someone who doesn't know him said that. It means he's doing his job right ever since he decided that life with his brothers was worth all the pain and suffering. 'Promise.'

No one will ever take this away from him again. Least of all Dean himself.

There's a satisfied smile tugging at the corners on Taker's lips when he flips the meat one last time. 'Some pretty nice 3:16 at SummerSlam and on Monday night though.' Well, if they're doing this whole Steve Austin thing now anyway, he has only one answer to that. 'Hell yeah.' Opening a can of whoop-ass is even more fun than it looks.

Dean is actually quite satisfied with their matches so far even though he still feels like his buddy cheated. One day he'll kick Seth's ass and be the one whose arm gets raised after the bell rings.

Taker looks back at the table pensively and licks his lips before bending down to Dean, whispering, 'People always say you never hit anybody harder in the ring than your friends. I say you hit your own family even harder.'

Amen.

Taker hands Dean the flipper, so he can prepare the first round, all the while emptying Dean's beer. He stands there awkwardly for a few seconds, spatula in his fingers, a part of his body trying to convince him to go back to Seth because it misses his stupid bearded face and chocolate brown eyes. But then Taker asks him another question, taking him completely by surprise.

'Why is he so afraid of me?' He puffs his cheeks and scratches over his scruff. 'Beats me,' Dean confesses, only now realizing that Seth never told him why he's so easily intimidated by the man.

'You never asked?' Or that he didn't do that. But for this he actually does have an answer. 'Nah. That'd just spoil it. I'd guess it's because he was never able to separate you from who you are in the ring.' Sounds like Seth, doesn't it?

Taker almost lets the last bun fall down when he turns around so fast that Dean has to take a step back so they won't be face to face. 'Hold on a sec,' the other says, holding out his hand so he can get the flipper back. 'So he actually thinks I'm some undead deity that likes to throw people off cages, building caskets in my basement and burying the mailman alive as soon as he dares to bring me some bills?'

Now that he hears it... 'It sounds really stupi– _oh_.' He can't help but start laughing out loud, his head aching so much that Dean thinks it's getting crushed by cinderblocks all over again.

His outburst must be contagious because Taker can't stop a grin dancing over his face and even Seth fails to hide a happy one. 'What?' the Undertaker wants to know, voice barely above a whisper, as if he already suspects that neither of their brothers should hear this.

Roman might not be here to witness this or help Dean mock their baby brother but Taker is an adequate substitute. Dean has learned to roll with the flow. 'Just play along,' he begs the older man and points at his friend.

Even though he's still feeling sick Dean is determined to eat one of those fucking burgers to make this joke work. Puking will be worth it for once because he _knows_ that Seth will fall for it.

They walk over to the table – Seth's whole body practically humming with relief that he's back – and sit down again, a companionable silence stretching between them.

Dean doesn't mind for now; he likes it better these days if it's quiet around him. He looks down at his burger, takes in its sight and smell and does his best to ignore his stomach's protest at the prospect that he's about to try and stuff it.

But, as any best friend, Dean is willing to sacrifice a lot to rib Seth. Besides, he won't ever get this moment back, so he should better seize the chance.

He picks up the bun, ignores the cramps in his mid-section and takes a bite out of the thing. He wishes he wouldn't have to fake pleasure but, even though he's sure the burger tastes amazing, for him it's like his mouth is only filled with ash.

'Mmh,' he moans loudly, lifting his head to catch his friend's reaction. Seth is looking at him as if he's having some very conflicting thoughts right now; undoubtedly a result of the pleased noises Dean makes. Kane – who is sitting next to Seth and opposite of his own brother – just shares a knowing glance with Taker, both of them presuming to eat quietly.

'This is delicious,' he sighs happily, hoping that Taker won't resent him for blatantly lying, because so far, the other could see right through him every time. 'Even better than I thought it would. Compliments to the chef. And the meat.'

He actually had planned to turn his head towards his seatmate but his neck won't move no matter how hard he tries, so he just waves around with the burger in his hand, making a show of how incredibly good it is and that Seth should totally try his, diet and all that aside.

Seems like his constant moaning didn't just raise Seth's urge to eat his burger, if the foot kicking him in the shin is anything to go by. The table shakes when his brother hits his knee against the bottom and Seth tries to cover it with clearing his throat and grabbing his burger.

Taker whispers, low enough for only Kane and Dean to hear, 'Kids.'

Seth is too busy checking the food to catch Kane's lopsided grin or Dean's conspiratorial wink, mumbling interested, 'Why, what is it?' No one answers, both of the older men following Dean's lead, while Seth bites into his burger, eyes going wide and a content expression settling on his face.

Fuck, it must taste even better than it smells.

As soon as Dean can tell that Seth has eaten a fair amount, he taps Taker on the thigh, giving him the signal to toy with his friend. 'What kind of beef is that?' Seth asks again, wiping away a drop of mustard from the corner of his mouth to look at the Undertaker who just deadpans, 'Bob, my mailman.'

His brother's shocked expression is probably the most hilarious thing Dean has ever laid his eyes on. He can practically see the wheels turning in his pretty head, all alarm bells shrilling that there's human meat in his mouth.

Dean had initially thought Seth would understand that it's a joke as soon as he would bite on his lip to not break out in a fit of giggles, but his friend really must fear there is always a chance of someone being sacrificed in this household.

Before he can even react, Seth is spitting out the burger into Taker's face – how nice yet careless of his brother to turn to the left before doing that, so the food won't hit Dean.

Seriously, he's having a blast. He can't hold it in anymore and starts laughing when his friend gasps, a betrayed gaze directed at Dean.

Taker just grabs a napkin and wipes his face clean before he finishes his burger in silence. Kane shakes his head and feeds some of his meat at another huge, black dog with brown legs that just trotted out into the garden. 'Why am I not surprised?' the man asks, clapping a coughing Seth on the back repeatedly to help him pull himself together again.

'Thanks,' Dean murmurs into the Undertaker's direction and flashes a toothy grin at his brother when Seth glares daggers at him. 'Anytime.'

Seth needs a while to forgive Dean and his new companion for doing this to him but eventually he unwinds, even empties his plate while the others engage in a friendly conversation about motorcycles, Chris Jericho's band Fozzy and their upcoming tour, as well as silly stuff like bad haircuts, horrible or highly embarrassing gimmicks and devoted but completely brainless pets.

He never thought he would say this, but he's feeling completely at ease; like he belongs here. He's still angry about what happened during work mere two days ago, but for some reason he can't hold on to that rage.

It's mostly because the Undertaker emits a certain calmness that reminds him of Roman. But instead of being a warm, protective one, it's wiser due to his age and experience which is a nice change. Just like him and Ro, Taker too has a knack for playing pranks on others and that makes it so easy for Dean to feel like he's spending the evening with family.

All that is missing for it to be a perfect night is his big brother though. He would enjoy the teasing of Seth too, but at one point he'd be the responsible one and chide Dean – and Taker, because like every member of The Shield he doesn't care about who he crosses –, turning into a total buzzkill.

But Ro isn't here, which means all hell can break loose and it's up to Dean to decide if he wants to intervene or not. Right now he's pretty content with listening to Taker getting all serious again, warning Seth that he might have almost succeeded in getting rid of Randy – which speaks for his manipulation skills – but that he belongs to the Authority now.

If he likes it or not, he's not a part of The Shield anymore; not officially. And being one of Hunter's underlings means that he has to do things he'll regret. There is no way that anyone of them will get out of this unscathed, but Seth is the one who has to make some really bad calls in the future.

Which will lead to him apologizing more than he wants to, even if his brothers are in the know.

Dean lets Taker talk because he does have some good points, but he can barely refrain from huffing out a laugh at the apology thing. Seth really sucks at admitting he's sorry, even with everything that has already happened.

Seth is sitting in front of him, shoulders squared but Dean knows him better than that. He can see past the bullshit facade. Taker's words are hitting him very hard, even though a part of him must have known for a while now that he's damaged more than he can fix. Good thing that Roman and Dean try to meet their baby brother half way.

Kane is sitting close to Seth, like a towering shadow that is ready to step in front of him if safekeeping is needed. But right now he agrees with his older brother teaching Seth a lesson in life and what it's like having Triple H as your opponent, all the while ruffling the dog's fur.

The raven black one – the one Dean hopped over earlier – is lying next to him on the warm grass, looking up from time to time as if to say _what the heck are you waiting for? Scratch me between the ears_. He gladly obliges whenever he feels good enough to bend down.

'This is not an easy task you have set for yourself, son, and you always need to be ten steps ahead if you want this to not blow up in your face.' Taker doesn't even ask, just grabs the half-eaten burger lying on Dean's plate and hands it over to Kane, so he can feed it to the dog drooling on his pants.

Dean can't even express how thankful he is that both of them don't make a scene because of him not eating, drinking or talking a lot. In fact the Brothers of Destruction do their best to never let Seth's attention stray back to him, so he can have a little break and just sit there, letting the sun shine on his back.

It's nice to feel a slight breeze ghosting over his burning skin and not think about anything at all.

For a short amount of time he doesn't have to worry about playing a game he doesn't even know the rules of or pretend to hate his own brother so it can still continue, or about saying the wrong – right – things in the worst possible moments.

He can shut off while Seth has to stand his ground. He will cut this short once he thinks Seth has had enough but that moment hasn't arrived yet. There is still a lot the Undertaker can adduce his friend. Things that Roman and Dean tell him over and over again but that never seems to stick.

Maybe their baby brother remembers them better when someone like Taker does it. No one dares to talk back at the man or tell him he's wrong about something. Well, at least no one who isn't out to get his ass kicked.

'You shouldn't solely focus on this mission,' Dean tunes into the conversation again to prevent himself from falling asleep on the spot. Seth's eyes are slightly red and it breaks his heart to see his brother fighting with his tears.

But he doesn't want to do anything yet, because Seth needs to hear this. All of it.

'Nine out of ten times it's not worth it. Don't give up everything to ruin somebody else – because sometimes you destroy the thing you want to protect so badly in the process without realizing it.' He bites back a _he already did that_ , not wanting to be the one who puts the last nail in the coffin.

But he knows right now that he will see the whole damage later when they're alone in the room Taker has graciously offered them for the night. Seth isn't weak or anything, but he doesn't have a thick skin like everybody else at this table.

Things about how he isn't good enough and how he hurts his family always get to him. It probably takes all of his willpower to not stab Taker in the eye with a knife and storm out of this house.

He should reward Seth later for staying strong when all he wants to do is curl himself up into a ball and cry until he can drown in his tears.

'If you fail, you can go back to your family and you should as long as they're still welcoming you. We all know you're very intelligent, but so is Triple H. He's not called The Game for nothing. And my dear brother here doesn't have as much power as you think.'

Kane scoffs, kicking Taker under the table as if they too are little boys again. 'I do not have any power. I merely lead the Authority to believe that I fool myself into thinking I have. Other than making matches to punish people like The Miz I mostly simply try to keep up with Seth's plans that tend to change faster than he comes up with them.'

Dean blinks several times and rolls his eyes, murmuring, 'Holy fuck, you talk like Seth drives. Fifty detours and when you're finally there you have the worst headache ever.' It's a nice distraction for a few seconds, everyone laughing more or less openly – Taker and Seth being the loudest ones, though his brother sounds rather manically than anything else.

'It's good you're working together with him and your brothers, but there's no guarantee that anyone of them will turn the scale. Even though you have allies, you're completely on your own, son.'

Seth sighs and hides his face in his hands, creating a small barrier around him to shut himself off. So Dean clears his throat loudly, even waking up the dog beside him, in order to stop Taker for just a little while.

He still has a lot of trouble to understand why the man listens to him, drinking some water to busy himself – probably coming up with more things he wants to unload on Seth. Dean suspects that Taker wants to test his friend some more, to see if and when he breaks, or if he dares to snap at him.

It's not that he likes how Taker manhandles his brother but even he knows that it's for their own good. And he has to admit that he appreciates the man's efforts to help Dean and Roman as good as he can, while confirming that Dean has shown a good taste in choosing Seth as his partner.

A little over a year ago Dean's only mission had been to destroy Taker and Team Hell No and now he's sitting here, invading the man's home, stealing his time to burden him with their family problems, basking in the other's serenity. Back then he would stop at nothing to retire the man and now he's so fucking grateful that he's there, telling Seth off.

Dean had a hard time understanding how Seth could consider Kane a friend – just because they're secret double agent buddies and stupid jackasses on television – but right now he wouldn't think twice about calling the Undertaker one either.

Seth's cinderblock Curb Stomp really has made him lose his marbles.

**07:43 pm**

'Let me ask you another question,' Taker continues after a while, tone not as unforgiving as it had been a few minutes ago, but still stern and earnest enough to make Seth cringe on the inside. This whole day is one big disaster and Seth wishes nothing more than for it to end.

But he got lured here for a reason and now he has to endure every second of it. Even Dean thinks he deserves this, because he hasn't tried to stop the Undertaker so far. The only thing he did was buy him some time here and there.

'Why do you think The Shield was so dominant and successful?' That's it? He has expected a lot worse.

Seth can't hide the pride that floods his body – superseding the constant fear of the next verbal blow – when he says, 'Because we were a close-knit unit. We were brothers and would have died for each other.' And they still live by that code even after he stabbed them in the back and left.

Dean smiles down at the black Labrador Retriever half-proud, half-unconvinced. Taker isn't entirely satisfied with his statement either, prodding once more by questioning, 'And why do you think your brothers still own the business? I suppose you have the same answer for that, only counting you out.'

Honestly, Seth thinks he's also pretty dominant and on a roll even without his brothers at ringside, but he knows better than to point that out, so he just nods confidently.

Taker grimaces and throws a disbelieving look at Dean – as if they communicate by nodding and grunting like cavemen –, obviously trying to find something in his brother's eyes that Seth hasn't given him.

'Fighting as a family sure has its advantages and it definitely was the reason for your success in the beginning. But it has changed for your brothers. Contrary to you, they fight for the right cause, which is each other, their family. You claim to do the right thing, but you've completely lost the goal out of sight.'

Okay, he has been intimidated by that man for the better part of the day, had to sit through hours and hours of painful and eye-opening lectures but this is going too far. His goal has been from the very first day to infiltrate the Authority and Evolution and bring them down. If he couldn't be with his family anymore, then he wanted to eliminate their enemies.

'No,' he finally dares to talk back, fear briefly turning into angry defiance. 'I'm trying to destroy the Authority.' Dean lowers his gaze, the sole memory of Seth's treason too much. Taker doesn't even have to tell him he's just tried to bullshit everyone with his steaming-pile-of-dog-shit argument. He can see it written all over his brother's face that no one at this table – or Rome – still, or ever, believed that.

And that's maybe the worst truth he's ever had to face.

'You didn't join them for that reason. You just convinced yourself you did to justify turning on your family. You're lucky they haven't given up on you yet.' Seth has already lost count of how many times the Undertaker has said something today that made him want to burst out into tears – ones of burning rage and depressive desperation – but this must be the worst insult of them all.

Seth knows the other's words wound him so badly because they're true but that knowledge doesn't make his situation any better. He's tried to hold his ground so often today that he's willing to just give up, so this horrible day will come to an end.

'I came here for you and all I got was another tongue-lashing,' he murmurs tiredly, voice not able to hide his annoyance at all three of them. Hell will probably freeze over before Dean steps in front of him to be his shield.

'That's cause you obviously need it. If you would just heed your own family's advice no one would have to tell you to apologize for Friday night, for instance. No matter what happened, you should never call your brother a hellcat with rabies, a bipolar nutjob and someone who doesn't mean a thing to you.'

There is no offense in Taker's words but they sting nonetheless, reminding him of his disappointed, half-Samoan big brother who _ordered_ him to do exactly that two days ago.

By now, he could write a whole trilogy about relationship advices and re-establishing broken friendships. Or how to successfully fuck them up in under two seconds.

Seth knows they're right, especially since Dean instantly begged for his forgiveness for calling him cancer and a scumbag as soon as he started to believe Seth that he's still a part of their family.

He sucks air through his nose, breathing in the lingering scent of burned charcoal and, thanks to the breeze hitting Dean from behind, a whiff of his brother's fragrance that instantly clams him; helping Seth to conjure up the last shreds of his strength. 'I know I did wrong.'

A weird silence follows his cowardly comment and Seth realizes too late that the others are waiting for him to use this moment to beg Dean for forgiveness. Seriously, if he had known what would await him, he'd never have made this trip. But now that he's here, he wants to usher Dean into the car and set this place on fire, so that nothing that was spoken today will ever leave this goddamn house.

'And yet you refuse to say you are sorry,' Kane sighs, the evident disapproval leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. There is more than just one reason why people call them the Brothers of _Destruction_ , as it would seem. Seth's soul and heart are wrecked completely.

Suddenly there's the raspy, dark voice of an angel coming to his aid. 'We should call it a day. There's still plenty of time to rip his head off tomorrow.'

Him fleeing the table isn't the most graceful exit he's ever had, but Seth can't help himself – he has to scramble away from those blue-eyed people that know his every weakness, using them shamelessly against him. He was not prepared for that, didn't even think of Kane and Taker plotting against him.

Now Seth needs some space or he'll murder them in their sleep.

He already knows where their room for the night is, so Seth storms through the huge house and up the stairs, flinging the door open just to throw it close as loud as he can, letting go of some of the fury bubbling up in his stomach. He doesn't resent them, no, he's mad that he came here with his guard down and, as a result, got his heart ripped out.

His eyes are stinging badly and Seth knows that he can't resist the urge to let out his frustration and sadness via crying much longer. He should do it before Dean follows him up here.

It's really not his day, because as soon as he finished that thought and let go of his self-control, his brother opens the stupid door, moving like his limbs are made of stone and looking at him as if he knows exactly what's going through his mind.

'Hey,' he greets Seth with a tentative smile on his lips, closing the door quietly behind him and leaning his body against it. He wants to say something irrelevant too, but all that comes out is a rushed and heartfelt, 'I don't know why I said all that stuff, but I _don't_ think you're some hobo trash and you _are_ my brother, you've always been and God help me, you better stay that for the rest of my life.'

Dean makes his way to the bed to sit down next to him, knees touching when his friend lets himself fall back onto the mattress, fingers tapping against Seth's lower back. He lies down too, but prefers to not look at Dean, placing his cheek on the other's chest while listening to the steady drum of his heartbeat.

Before he can think twice about it, he clings to his brother as if there's no tomorrow, tears rolling down his face without him being able to stop them. 'I'm sorry, Dean, I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said those things, because they hurt you and that's the last thing on earth I wanna do. Not after everything I put you through.'

Dean lifts his arm and runs his fingers through Seth's hair, clumsily patting him on the jaw to make him feel better. Strangely enough, it works. It shouldn't be so easy, but a single touch from Dean is enough to ground and insure him that sooner or later everything is gonna be okay.

But now that the floodgates are wide open, not even Dean can shut them and maybe that's not the worst thing ever. His apology has been long overdue and Seth knows they'll feel better once it's all out.

'I know I inflicted so much pain on you and Rome and you're entitled to hold a grudge for the rest of your lives. Taker's right, you know? I didn't leave The Shield to be a spy. I left because I couldn't handle you opening up to me, letting me in,' he confesses, saying everything that comes to his mind.

Dean is kind enough to let him ramble, continuing his gentle caressing of Seth's hair. 'I will never be able to understand how you and Roman could forgive me for joining the Authority. All I do is slap you in the face and stab you in the heart repeatedly. I get why you can't trust me anymore.'

He wouldn't be able to tell truth and lie apart if he'd be in Dean's place too. The worst part of all of this might actually be that Seth has to physically and mentally destroy his family in the ring and pretend like it's the easiest thing to do. Like The Shield and their brotherhood never meant anything to him, when in reality he can't even breathe without them – they're the air that fills his lungs and supplies his brain.

Tears are dampening Dean's black, sleeveless shirt and Seth's nose starts running, but neither of them cares. He needs to pour his heart out and Dean wants to hear it.

He practically wails into his brother's chest how he hates having to come up with a different way to meddle with his family each week, so Hunter won't suspect anything. How Randy is making his skin crawl and Kane being a nice ally but not a suitable substitute for hanging out with his own brothers.

He's mourning the loss of his family and his true self, of Roman's cuddling in the night and Dean's unguarded smile whenever he thinks Seth is not looking. He misses losing their silly car games and hearing Dean complain about his skinny jeans or inexhaustible amount of sparkling Glamour Kills shirts.

'I ruined everything after practically forcing you to fall in love with me just because I couldn't share you with anybody. There's no way I deserve you two as my brothers, but I'm nothing without The Shield and I can't live without _you_.'

By now, Dean is rubbing soothing circles on his back, still not saying anything, but Seth can hear that his apology has a certain effect on him. The once so strong and rhythmic heartbeat is now out of control, the new sound in Seth's ear making him cry some tears of relief on top of everything else.

'I'm so afraid of losing you,' he croaks out, finally able to reveal the one secret that has been eating away his soul ever since June. This time Dean hums, and Seth listens to the rumble going through his chest. He doesn't give Seth the promise to never let that happen – it's too much to ask for, but he somehow hoped he'd still get to hear it.

'I don't know how many times we need to tell you, but the burden is not yours alone to bear. Ro and I, even Kane, we have your back.' That's nice to know too. Even though there's no guarantee that he'll be able to keep all of them around like this.

He sighs, snuffling loudly, unable to repress a forlorn, 'For how long?' How long will they agree to play a game that has no rules or a winner? Until they get tired of him fucking up and them having to turn a blind eye to everything Seth says and does.

'I'm not psychic, Seth, but I hope forever,' Dean breathes out, tiredness slowing down his answer. Seth's heart stops for a second until his brother continues talking, saying something that makes it beat out of control. 'Taker asked if we need you. The answer is yes.'

Apart from knowing now for sure that Dean has heard the entire conversation he had with the Undertaker in the living room, Seth finally got the confirmation that his family isn't complete without him either. He should try to not mess everything up in the future though. Who knows how many chances they're willing to offer until they're fed up with him.

'There is something you can learn from today though.' _Stay away from the Undertaker. Never make a promise you can't keep. Never think you can outsmart two geniuses. Make sure to never let Dean go; he's the best thing that's ever happened to you._ Anything else?

'What's that?' he whimpers, making himself sad all over again. Dean guides his jaw up with two fingers, so he can see the sincerity in his brother's eyes.

'Look at them, their history. Even with all the hardships and years of silence, they still find their way back to each other. It doesn't matter why or how, all that matters is that it keeps happening. Because there is _always_ forgiveness waiting for you in a family. You just can't expect it to be given to you without fighting hard for it.'

Family loyalty at its finest. For someone who was raised in a dysfunctional or almost non-existent one, Dean sure knows how to treat his brothers right and make them feel worth it.

'I don't know if I can do it. If my plan will work out,' he whispers, afraid that his admission will ruin their moment, but Dean just chuckles and closes his eyes. 'We know, dummy. And we don't care as long as you'll come back to us.'

'But I did all this horrible stuff to you because of it.' Seth just can't understand their willingness to take him back. He certainly would have a hard time forgiving one of them if they did this to him.

Dean's hand wanders up Seth's back until it rests protectively on his neck, thumb rubbing over the top of his tattoo. 'And you'll do even more shit in the future. Honestly, we don't care what happens during work, as long as you let us in. Get this over with and be our brother again. We don't have to be The Shield, we just want you back.'

He probably earned the right to hear those words with his bitter weeping but Seth doesn't care. Just knowing that Dean and Roman still, miraculously, believe in him and consider him their little brother is helping him finally stop crying, confidence coming back bit by bit.

'Oh really?' he sniffs, tapping Dean with his index finger on the chest, a frisky smile on his lips. 'And why is that?' Dean's groan shows him his friend knows very well what he's hinting at. If Dean is already in such a sharing and supportive mood, who says he won't finally be able to say the one thing Seth is dying to hear?

'You're an asshole.' It's not an insult – Dean is merely warning him to back off. But Seth isn't known for giving up when there's a risk he can take. So he retorts, 'I'm crying, there's snot all over our shirts and we're snuggling in a house that may or may not have a camera directed at us in this very moment, and you still think this isn't the right time?'

His brother sighs annoyed, but Seth can see the grin he's trying to hide. So far they didn't do anything the normal way in this relationship, why start now? And besides, normal is so fucking boring.

'Because we can't live without you.' It's no _I love you_ , but it's equally awesome. This'll do until Dean has found his perfect moment. There better be some flowers, unicorns and a tuxedo involved though. Seth is expecting a massive spectacle by now. 'Alright, that's good enough for me. At least for the moment.'

Dean snorts, murmuring sarcastically, 'Thank you.'

All the emotional pain Seth had to go through today is gone for now, the sorrow replaced by a warmth that only Dean is able to give him. It combines safety, affection and fond exasperation; Seth has had to wait a very long time to experience it once again.

And just like in the past this particular feeling makes him bold, words carelessly tumbling out of his mouth. 'How about we show them something _really_ interesting?' Seth bites on his tongue, anticipation shooting through his body. He squeezes his eyes shut, not able to stare into his brother's face when he'll be rejected once more.

It's not fair to push Dean like this, but it has been proven in the past three years that sometimes his friend needs that. Seth's timing just tends to be slightly off. Today though, he could really need something to take his mind off everything Taker and Kane threw at him.

'In another man's house while we're possibly spied on? Kinky, Mr Rollins,' Dean whispers, no hint of annoyance or anger in his voice. There's only a lot of fatigue tainting his words, but when has that ever stopped any of them?

'So, you're in?' he asks, pushing his luck some more, even opening his eyes to catch the huge grin on Dean's face. His friend doesn't actually give him a definite answer because there's this heavily teasing undertone when he says, 'I was hoping you'd be the one entering, but sure.'

'You're impossible,' Seth mutters, propping himself up on Dean's chest to sit back down on his friend's lap. He got the hint. He won't get the chance to dominate or go easy on his brother in bed until Dean will give him the ultimate sign of _okay, let's fucking finally fuck_.

That doesn't mean Seth can't try to shorten the waiting time or show Dean what he's missing out on. Which is why he starts rocking his hips gently, teasingly, only having to wait one full second until his friend shoots him an insecure glance.

But Seth is concentrating on the spark lighting up in those mesmerizing blue eyes when he continues his movements, additionally taking off his shirt in slow-motion.

'What the hell are you doing?' Dean croaks out irritated, no real heat in his voice. He's confusing the hell out of his brother and it would be funny, if he wouldn't attempt to seduce him. 'I'm trying to strip.'

Without any warning, Dean bursts out laughing, hiding his face behind his hands when he can't stop. Seth watches his brother's belly contract, ribcage rising and falling in a fast rhythm.

His shirt slips back down, fingers hovering awkwardly mid-air, like they're waiting for him to decide if they should strangle Dean or help him get off his friend. He's not so sure himself either. All he knows is that it's not flattering if someone laughs himself to tears when you're trying to arouse them.

What could possibly be so funny about that?

'You look like you forgot how to human,' Dean chuckles, taking down his hands to clap himself on the chest. Seth has stopped moving altogether – and even though it's not the worst position to be in he still feels like he should climb off Dean. That is until his friend has his next laughing fit, followed by a pained hiss.

Seth forbids himself to snicker gleefully, but does roll his eyes when Dean has the audacity to ask, 'Hey, you know who really has a strong hip game?' 'Why are we talking about this?' he shoots back, sensing that Dean once again has managed to turn the tables around.

It's never Seth's pace they're going. Not once. Dean is dropping all these promising hints that – once they're making the big step and sleep with each other – Seth will be the one calling the shots. He's gonna top Dean, which has been a dream of his ever since he first laid eyes on him back in FCW.

But until it's happening, Dean is leading them. He's the one in charge and it's frustrating Seth to no end. Especially in moments like this. He doesn't need to hear about another man's bewitching groin game while he's trying to do it himself. Seems like Dean is out to tease him; which is the nicer version of flat out telling him that he should move his ass and get off him.

'Jeff Hardy. No one can move his hips like that man.' At least it's someone Seth looks up to. And, quite frankly, his father caught him staring at the younger Hardy's junk more than once, eyes practically glued to the screen. Team Xtreme, especially Lita and Jeff, had made his teenage brain explode on more than one occasion.

But why the hell did Dean have to mention him right now?

He refuses to leave his comfy place on his brother's lap, even though the fight got knocked out of him, and pouts, 'You want me to call him, so he can give you a private performance?' Dean's face lights up at that. 'You have his number?'

Now would be a good time to strangle his brother.

He instantly gets a cocky smile that makes up for everything though. 'Here,' Dean says, voice smooth and tender as he sits up – they both ignore the stifled, pained outcry – and kisses Seth hungrily without any warning. 'Let me help you.'

Seth is barely able to hear the whispered words, too busy chasing those lips, but he does feel the force with which Dean rips his shirt apart – this better not become a habit because most of them belong to his friend. His brain screams at him _the fuck is going on?_ but he doesn't care.

He won't make the mistake of looking a gift horse in the mouth. But he might kiss it for the rest of eternity, because it tastes like grilled burger, mustard and pickle. And it smells like fresh sweat, cut grass and dog, mixed with the musky scent of Dean.

That he'd end up like this after everything that has happened on this trip is a dream come true and leads him to believe that maybe this time Dean won't shy away from the consequences of going through with it.

He's bathing in the blissful silence that's only interrupted by little needy moans until he hears something plop and fall to the ground. Seth opens his eyes again, blinking rapidly to understand what just happened. Then his gaze wanders down to his pants, fly open and the button missing.

It's lying near the door, soon getting joined by Dean's shirt. His own ripped one lands somewhere behind him, as well as his brother's belt.

Seth momentarily thinks about stopping this when he looks into Dean's eyes and realizes how dull and lifeless they are from up close. Now that he knows what to search for, he can see more signs of his friend's horrific condition. Like shaking hands, cold sweat and temporary loss of his motor control.

Something is terribly wrong with him but Dean tries to gloss over it, so Seth doesn't want to point it out. Not because he intends to take advantage of tonight, but because his brother is fighting against this for days now and he doesn't want to be the one calling him weak and in need of help.

So Seth just presses his lips on Dean's again, smiling encouragingly, and guides his brother back down on the mattress. No need to sit upright when he can lie down and take it easy.

 _It's happening_ , he thinks completely overjoyed, _Dean is playing along. Nothing can–_

There's a really loud crack that makes even Seth flinch hard and his brother goes completely limp beneath him. Seth opens his eyes panicked, taking in the sight of Dean lying before him, unmoving and unresponsive. 'Dean?'

His first instinct is to shake his friend, slap him awake but he's afraid of doing more harm than good. So he does the only thing that makes sense, which is getting up and running out of the room, yelling for Taker to come and help him.

Two sets of footsteps are flying up the stairs, both men staring at him worriedly. He must have sounded scared to death. But something in Dean's neck snapped and made that sickening noise and if anything happens to him it's Seth's fault. He not only deprived Dean of the chance to get proper medical treatment, but he's also responsible for the injury in the first place. Roman will break every bone in his body if he lets anything happen to his best friend.

Taker walks to the bed, gaze flickering curiously over the scattered clothes and the lonely button of his pants. He and Kane heft Dean into a more comfortable position before they check on his brother, while he's forced to stand next to the door, tears welling up in his eyes, worry clouding his judgment.

'Probably knocked out by the pain,' Seth hears Taker mumble, his newfound friend nodding thoughtfully; both of them turning around to face him.

Kane takes the covers out of his brother's hand and drapes them over Dean while Taker claps Seth on the shoulder, ordering softly, 'Let him sleep. It'll do him good. But get him to a hospital soon.'

He nods fervently, watching in horror how Kane judges the state of the room and Seth's unzipped, button-free pants, only now understanding that these two know exactly what happened in here. He can see the glee sparkling up in their eyes and knows that he'll never hear the end of this.

'This is so embarrassing,' he whines, crossing his arms over his chest to not feel so naked anymore. It's no use. 'You're telling me,' Taker replies, slapping Kane on the arm to get his attention, so they can joke about this for the rest of the night.

'I've never heard of someone who mastered the art of seduction so perfectly that their partner lost consciousness. Well done you.'


	8. take nothing for granted; that's what i have learned

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's over. It's finally over. You guys have no idea how hard it was to get under 10k but I did it. I gotta say, it was so awesome including the Undertaker and I'm happy I could give Dean another friend. Anyway, this was nice even though I never wanted it to be so long. Have fun with the last part. Love ya <3 Oh, and btw: warning for sick!Seth (food poisining).

**Thursday 21** **th  
** **08:30 am**

'Good morning. I take it you had a pleasant night,' Kane greets them as soon as they enter the kitchen, bags already packed, so they can leave right after breakfast.

He is certain the man is just mocking him for the events of the last night, but since Dean pretended he had no clue what happened – just laughed out an apology for falling asleep in the middle of making out – he gives the other a dirty look and sits down.

Dean is much more forthcoming, replying with a content, 'Slept like a stone.' Which he did. The whole night. Without waking up once or moving his body at all. It didn't even bother him that Seth kept checking his pulse to make sure his brother was still alive.

Kane is barely able to suppress a knowing grin, looking Seth right in the eyes when he says, 'That is not exactly a big surprise.' He presses his lips together, gaze burning with ire and hisses low enough for only Kane to hear, 'Shut up.'

The older man isn't impressed at all, gesturing at the set table, inviting them to eat and drink to their heart's desire. There's everything one could wish for but Seth has set his eyes on the fruit salad, while Dean shakes his head once, explaining that he's not really hungry, pouring some coffee into the cup in front of him.

'I could eat a horse,' Seth mutters, digging in his breakfast with such ferocity that it's probably one step away from being revolting. But he's really starving, which is why he doesn't even realize that one person is missing.

Dean is stirring his hot beverage without actually touching it, gaze so far away that Seth worries he won't find his way back anytime soon. He takes his own mug in his hands, breathing in the familiar scent of decaf when he makes the mistake of asking, 'Where's Taker?'

Kane just looks up from his ham sandwich and grins mischievously, before heavy foreign fingers grip his shoulder and Seth flinches so hard that he lets the cup fall down to the ground, the porcelain shattering into three sharp pieces. He immediately tries to scramble down to pick them up again, maybe even glue them back together, but Taker's huge hand is holding him in place.

Dean grins into his own coffee, faking to take a sip of it, not even thinking about cleaning up this particular mess.

Sapphire blue eyes look down at him, Taker's face hard and unforgiving as Seth weasels out of the firm grip, mouth producing one excuse after another, finger searching for Dean's thigh, so he can dig them into his friend's flesh and signal that he needs help because he'll get himself killed if this continues.

Dean just covers his begging fingers with his own clammy hand, once again proving that he's there for Seth in the most dire times but, at the moment, enjoys to see his brother suffer.

With his free hand he picks up the broken pieces, wincing when Taker whispers threateningly, 'That was my favorite.' Of course it had been. Seth's luck will never change. 'Oh God, I'm so sorry,' he mutters under his breath, getting up and gawking right into a merciless face.

'Pleasedon'thurtme.'

Taker doesn't say anything else, just continues to stare him down. And this is the exact reason why he never wanted to have anything to do with the Undertaker. Because at the end of the day, he is and will always be the Deadman, the vicious, dangerous animal that enjoys harming people. And that creeped Seth out when he was growing up and it definitely won't stop now that he can see the evil in the other man's face.

'I'll buy you a new one,' he tries to ease the tension, driving his nails hard into Dean's flesh – but for some strange reason his brother doesn't even show any signs of pain, as if he has lost all sensation in his leg. Finally Taker opens his mouth, the words coming out not quite what Seth had hoped for.

'I doubt you'll find one like this.' He looks down at the shards, trying to find out why it's such an important mug for the man, but the cup looks completely ordinary. There's not even a print on it or anything. It's just an eggshell white, broken mug.

'Why?' he asks irritated, instantly regretting his question when Dean snickers, 'It's probably made of human remains.'

Without wanting to, Seth lets the shards fall down to the ground again, the three pieces breaking apart in too many tiny ones to ever be fixed. And the worst thing about this is that he knows how ridiculous he's acting, that he's a complete moron to fall for those jokes.

He smacks Dean lightly on the shoulder – unintentionally the bad one –, grumbling, 'You guys are not funny.' His brother sighs, rubbing over his injured arm and flashes him a toothy grin. 'In our defense, you make it way too easy for us.'

All that's missing is Roman, joining these three in their teasing. He'd fit right into this horrible bunch. But then again, he'd be the first to jump to his defense. And he'd do that before they'd leave this place, unlike some other brother of his.

Seth sinks down on his chair, suddenly not hungry anymore, even though the fruit salad is delicious as hell, and mumbles defeated, 'Is there going to be more?'

Kane tsks, making him feel like a five year old. 'Telling you would take all the excitement out of it, Seth.' He throws his hands up in defeat, listening to Taker asking Dean if he got a certain something and his brother smiling softly, whispering a bit proudly, 'Got it.'

Hours later, when he's finally back in the shitty oven of a car, he realizes three things. One: Taker had wanted to make sure Dean finally got his apology from Seth, probably giving him a hard time on purpose to make him see how he mistreated his own family.

Two: He just got a hurtful lesson in never letting his guard down. Not telling Seth if he'd get more scares made him pay more attention to every little detail – even though it also led to him flinching back whenever someone approached him.

But that is exactly what the Brothers of Destruction intended. They wanted to show him that this – scared but wanting to fight back and stand his ground at all costs – is how he should behave around the Authority too. He can't afford to show any weakness. Not until this is over; no matter how it'll end.

They also made it pretty clear that he needs his family backing him up and has to let them in on everything if he doesn't want to lose them.

And three: He just got fooled by two geezers and kidnapped his severely injured brother for nothing but a lesson in life that had nothing to do with Dean. Well, it had everything to do with his friend, but he didn't have to be there.

He looks over to Dean, who's resting his boots on the dashboard again, eyes closed to block out the sun without having to move so he can search for his shades.

'That was completely different from what I expected and I can't believe I'm saying this, but they mentioned some unpleasant yet true things.' Seth will make sure to never forget what he learned on this trip, so he won't ever have to be in the same room with Taker _and_ Kane. He really doesn't need to go through this again.

Dean doesn't say anything for a while, leading Seth to believe he's asleep, but then his brother utters quietly, 'I'm glad we went though. Not just cause they made fun of you.'

He scoffs, changing the lane to evade driving over some dead animal. 'Oh really?,' Seth complains, voice bitter and disenchanted. 'Cause it damn well looked like it. You didn't help me out once.' Okay, that's not true, but Dean wasn't his savior either.

His brother hums, obviously satisfied with his not-deeds, tentatively rolling his head towards him, as if to test his mobility. 'Some things you have to learn on your own. And I hope you'll remember Taker's wise words.' He definitely will. Because if he doesn't his family will throw him into the lion's den once more, this time not staying with him.

'He also warned me that one of you could turn on me.' To be honest, since Roman caused Dean to completely lose it with his confession that he just waited for Dean to leave them, Seth hasn't spared a single thought at things like that. But Taker knows what he's talking about; his relationship with Kane one long, never-ending history of backstabbing and redemption.

Dean doesn't do anything to ease his worries. 'Like I said, wise words. But don't fret, I got a roasting too.' Now look at that. Kane must have taken Dean to task while he got lectured by his big brother because Seth didn't see Dean not enjoying himself during the barbecue or afterwards.

'So, what now?' Well, since Texas is an endless state, they still need to drive for hours until they reach today's destination. And knowing that Dean is in no shape to ride around – Seth doesn't trust him behind the wheel right now – he'll have to make more stops than planned.

'We stop in El Paso for the night, and tomorrow you can meet up with Rome cause both of you can't live without each other,' he explains, voice betraying his nonchalance, ignoring his friend's enervated groan, 'and you'll stay with him until Saturday. I booked a flight for you back to Vegas.'

Though he'd much rather make sure that Dean goes directly to a hospital to get properly looked after. Hopefully it's nothing too serious, so his brother will come back soon. They've been together for so long, Seth doesn't even know how to function without his family anymore. But what do they say? Absence makes the heart grow stronger. So maybe this is a chance for both of them.

'Sounds great, but I meant your plan.' Oh, sure. Keeping his brothers posted from the very get-go is now crucial, so he won't hide anything anymore. Honestly, he doesn't even know why he held back information in the first place.

'You probably won't like this,' he starts, remembering the text he got earlier, 'but Hunter wants me to celebrate on Raw that I put you on the missing persons list. You know, riling up the whole WWE universe, pissing off Rome, just another day in the office.'

Dean lifts his hand, tapping Seth on the knee to get his attention. 'Hang on, I disappeared on my own violation.' True. But all the Authority cares about is that Dean is out of the picture and Seth bragging that no one will ever see him again, because he finally finished the job.

' _I_ know, Hunter doesn't. Neither does anyone else.' To his surprise Dean doesn't take his hand back, the fingers resting on his jeans now – and even though he knows they're ice cold and it's impossible, he thinks he can feel them setting his skin on fire. But it's such a pleasant feeling that he'd rather cut his tongue off than point out the unusual affectionate touching.

'So what do you wanna do?' 'No clue,' Seth sighs, not wanting to even think about pleasing Hunter. Every lie he spits out in the ring dampens the mood in their brotherhood, no matter if Seth told them beforehand or not.

Seth's words hurt all three of them differently and he's so done with eating crow. But Taker is right. This won't stop until it's all over. Seth dug his own grave and there's no way he can get out of it without someone lending him a helping hand.

'You should do that then. Brag about eliminating one half of the leftovers,' Dean encourages him, giving him a free pass to insult him once more. 'But I don't want to.' He's done with people telling him he shouldn't have said this or that, tired of Rome accusing him of being responsible for Dean closing himself off. There must be another way.

Dean chuckles, clapping him gently with his hand before it lingers awkwardly above his jeans for a moment, until his brother decides it's better to talk this one out without letting Seth off the hook by being his anchor.

'Seth, it doesn't matter. You have and you _are_ going to do it.' So that's an order now. Nice. 'But it'll just end with you being angry, Roman wanting to kick my ass and me crying myself to sleep.' If there are even any tears left after last night.

'Then let me help planning it,' Dean offers matter-of-factly, as if they've done that their whole lives. 'Really?' But he's The Architect, the brain. It's his job to come up with a game plan. Please don't take that away from him too. That's the only thing he's good for.

'Seriously, do I have to beat it into that thick skull of yours that we want to help you? And that we wanna know everything before it happens, so things like on Friday can never lead to another almost-catastrophe again?'

Dean offers him a genuine smile, making it pretty clear that he has indeed accepted his apology. At least this one. His brother is still having a hard time forgiving the betrayal and the months of stubborn silence in which Seth emotionally grew apart from them.

'I'm just not really used to depend on others to come up with a plan.' That's one way to put it but he's pretty sure Dean knows how insecure he is right now, ruffling through Seth's hair with what seems to be his last bit of strength. 'There's a first time for everything.'

Considering that Seth is Dean's first male partner, there must be some truth behind those words. Alright, fine. Looks like he needs to find something else to be his signature feature then. Can't be that hard, right?

'Got any ideas?'

Dean can bet his ass on Seth forcing him to write down every word he will have to say on Monday, so he won't be the one making yet another mistake. And Dean is a God at the microphone, so it's just natural that he should decide which insults not only sound good but he can also handle.

'Whatever you do, you should give one of those speeches that make me wanna bash your head in and I deserve a return of the suit. And cause it's about me, it should be really over the top, so you'll get all the heat the fans have to offer.'

Dean breathes in deeply, a dreamy smile on his face as if the sheer memory of people chanting _you sold out_ give him eternal bliss. That's rich coming from the one who gets such huge pops that he could drown in them.

'So, a promo with footage of Raw and the whole Authority congratulating me?' Dean runs his fingers through his hair, slicking it back in the process, but the unruly curls fall right back. Judging by the grimace on his friend's face, he's not quite content with that idea.

'Whatever we decide on, you should be prepared for Ro interrupting it. But before you answer that you're fine with that, consider that he'll whoop your ass big time.' He is painfully aware of that. And it's been a long time coming too.

Roman stood by his side from the beginning, had pushed Dean at the Summit twice, because he wanted to hear him out first, always giving him the benefit of the doubt. It's time he gives his big brother something back.

'I owe it to him,' he admits, taking the next exit to make one of their obligatory rests at a truck stop. 'Perfect,' Dean mutters, surprising Seth by continuing loudly, 'Ro, you got anything?'

What?

Roman's voice echoes in the car, Seth barely able to hear it over the speaker because of the aistream. It shouldn't blind-side him anymore that Rome's always there, like a protective shadow hovering over Dean. He's probably been listening in on them the whole time.

'I don't care what you choose as long as I can get my hands on Seth.' Roman is going to beat him up until his knuckles bleed, making him pay for ever hurting Dean and cracking The Shield twice. Seems like he has a date for Night of Champions. Fuck his life.

'You know what I always wanted?' Dean speaks up after a while, all of them thinking hard what to do on Monday. Roman starts to say something but Dean interrupts him hurriedly. 'Don't answer that.'

He hears his oldest brother snicker and sighs inwardly, wishing for his whole family to be in the car like in the old times. Because of Seth, one of them is always left out – mostly him, which is why he knows how much that sucks. He didn't create The Shield, but he damn sure destroyed it.

Dean puts the phone on his legs to be able to move his hands freely, opening yet another water bottle; he's sweating out every last drop of them in no time. 'I always wondered what people would say about me on my funeral,' his friend announces after drinking half of it in one go.

'You're not dead,' Seth mutters, somehow feeling the need to emphasize that. He hates this idea already, even though they haven't decided on it yet. Dean holds out the bottle to ask if Seth wants a sip too, but he just shakes his head, not wanting to take away the much needed liquid from his brother. Contrary to what everyone believes, he has noticed that that's the only thing Dean willingly takes in.

'I want a eulogy,' he hears his friend complain. Roman's thankfully the responsible one here, asking 'Are you sure?' He still has his doubts that just because his family knows what'll happen, it'll hurt less. And a eulogy is going to be horrible. Seth will have to say more things he'll burn in hell for.

'Yes,' Dean affirms, rapidly growing fonder of his own idea. 'With flowers, a really stupid picture of me and Seth grieving up to the point he shows his fake real face and just starts laughing, as well as insulting me. And then you stomp down the stairs to fuck it all up.'

This is obviously a lot of fun for Dean and Roman, mostly because they're not the ones having to do this in front of all those Shield fans that sided with his brothers. He should call in sick on Monday. And Friday. And every week after that, just to escape his own fate.

What both of his friends fail to realize are the severe consequences Seth, as a part of the Authority, has to draw as soon as Roman meddles with him on-screen. Or they know and just don't give a damn.

'Guys, Rome interfering means I have to put him down too sooner or later. You know, eliminate the whole Shield after I built it because Hunter and Steph expect that from me.' They might think that this is some kind of game – like _who's the biggest alpha now?_ or _let's see who can break Seth first_ – but he has lost his ability to laugh about this a long time ago.

He never considers the possibility that Dean and Roman need to play it all down in order to deal with this situation their way.

'Good, do that,' Rome enheartens him, the line cracking dangerously. 'Oh, and please try that cinderblock thing with me on Raw too.' Oh no. He knows that tone all too well. If Roman asks for something like this, it'll be Seth's head that's going to suffer at his brother's hands. And with the Authority watching, he can't let Roman do whatever he pleases.

'Don't make me Curb Stomp you too,' he begs, sparing a look at Dean and thinking about putting both his brothers through the same ordeal. As if Dean's injury isn't horrible enough. Why the cinderblocks again? The same trick never works twice and Seth isn't keen on finding out what Rome has in mind.

There's an odd silence for a few seconds, Dean closing his eyes, phone resting in his hands and Seth parking the car at the truck stop. Neither of them gets out, even though they could use a break to stretch their legs. Roman sighs loudly, not even caring about Seth's worries of hurting him.

'There'll come a day you'll have to do it. Permission granted.' Oh yeah? So he'll receive some Spears and Superman Punches in return? This is totally unfair. Before he can talk some sense into his friend, Rome speaks on gleefully. 'Let me just play around with some blocks on Raw.'

_Play around?_ What is that supposed to mean? Does he want to redecorate the ring? Bash Seth's head in? Oh God, he's going to make him pay for putting Dean's through a whole bunch of them. Pictures flash through his mind, all of them showing him the gruesome things someone like Roman could do with just one cinderblock.

Surprisingly, Dean saves him this time, telling their big brother off with a stern voice. 'Ro, no more hiding, lies or secrets. Sing.' He can hear a disappointed groan from the other end of the line, but Dean won't settle for less.

It's relieving to see that his best friend means what he said. From now on, there'll only be the truth and the three of them working together again. He wants their family back probably even more than Seth and Roman.

Seth can't help it, so he slings his arms around Dean's chest and buries his face in the crook of his brother's neck, thanking him eternally without uttering a word. Dean pats him lazily on the head and puts a finger on his lips to indicate he should listen to what Roman has to say.

'I thought about throwing one at your head but don't worry, you'll have enough time to duck out of the way. Just fake some terror.' Seth scoffs, breathing in Dean's scent before he sits back again. 'I don't think I'll have to fake that. Anything you wanna say that I should be prepared for?'

Wow, this – not counting all the terrible stuff they're talking about – is really a lot easier when all three of them are acting in concert. They still leave the overall plan to him, so he will remain the mastermind of The Shield, but his family wants to add in some minor details on their own. He should have let them do that a long time ago.

If the plan goes wrong, it's not only his fault anymore which takes a huge weight off his shoulders. He really has no clue why he thought he has to fight their battles alone.

'What's the most hurtful thing you can imagine?' A vast variety of insults immediately cross his mind. But since this has to look real, so everyone – from the fans to Hunter and Stephanie – will believe it, he croaks out the one thing that already haunts him in his dreams. 'You are no brother of mine.'

And that's coming from the guy who uses every possible variation of that line every week himself. He doesn't know how Dean and Roman managed to forgive him for every time he spouted that particular slur.

He has to get out of the car, so Dean won't see him hurting because of a few words that aren't even true, words that he's said so often that they leave a bitter taste in his mouth whenever he just thinks of them.

'See you tomorrow, junior,' he hears Roman mutter, before he addresses their brother – knowing Seth too well to not have picked up on his sudden silence. 'Dee, cheer him up again.' With that the line goes dead.

He doesn't expect Dean to struggle his way out of the car with all the pain he's going through, but his friend doesn't take Seth's sadness lightly. He really opens the door and winces every time he moves too fast, rounding the car to lean against him.

'Don't be so heavy-hearted,' Dean whispers, bowing his head when a van passes them to make sure no one recognizes him. It really wouldn't help their cause if people saw him and Dean cuddling in public when they're supposed to tear each other's hearts out.

'The game has changed since you left but that doesn't mean we can't play it together anymore. And no matter what happens, you will always be our brother.'

He stares into the cloudless sky, mulling over Dean's statement. As comforting as that thought might be for his best friend, it's just embitters Seth's panic. He's seen enough people turn on each other – him being one of them – to realize one thing.

'Being someone's sibling does not mean that they love you.' There are a lot of families that don't give a shit about each other. Dean should know best. And just look at Nikki. Who would have thought that she'd sell her soul for real? He doesn't want The Shield to end up like the Bella Twins.

His brother hums and plants a soft kiss on his shoulder as soon as they're alone. 'True, but any relationship needs all parties to constantly work hard to keep it alive. Our brotherhood is in our hands, Seth. Not Hunter's, not anyone else's. Never forget that.'

**07:13 pm**

Seth angrily draws the curtains close, sick of the sun after staring into it for hours, days, probably years. Even though there's a beautiful sunset outside, he can't stand the sight of God's own fireball anymore. He's also never hated Texas so much than right now.

It's unnecessarily huge, way too fucking big, and even though they've spent the whole damn day driving, they're unbelievably still in Texas. He's seen enough of it for the rest of his life.

He flops down on the bed, face buried in the pillows to block out the remaining light, waiting for Dean to finish his shower. Though he also listens carefully for any noises that indicate that his brother might need help.

Seth has no idea how much time passes and he thinks the dozed off once or twice, but eventually Dean comes out, wearing only shorts. When he lies down next to him, Seth can't help the chill running over his body. Dean is freaking cold, as if he took a bath in ice cubes.

He's this close to make a stolen kidney joke, but his friend beats him to it by asking, 'You really okay with Ro haunting you in my name?' What if he'd say no? It's not like he has much choice, even if he would like to be selfish and keep this feud only between him and Dean.

But Roman has been his tag team partner and it's only logical that everyone – including his own family – expects him to take on the last remaining member of The Shield. Hunter will probably order it anyway, no matter if Seth suggests it or not, since he was the man who swore to everyone that he wouldn't rest until the Hounds of Justice were no more.

Seth shrugs casually, turning around to get a better look at Dean. He's still pale but not sickeningly so. 'Okay would be an overstatement but I guess I deserve it.' 'Can't argue there.'

Getting up to eat the salad they'd bought before checking in, Seth thinks back to the day Roman Speared Dean and how that made him complain for days. Seth might do more workouts but his body isn't made of steel either. Roman won't hold back in the ring and that's what makes him more than nervous about this whole thing.

'I'm actually a bit scared he'll squash me. He's so big. And angry,' he mumbles more to himself, sitting down on the edge of the bed, digging in the food. Dean chuckles, some lonely drops of water running down his neck. 'Ro scares you?' His brother looks as if he's a bit disappointed in himself. He probably thinks he hasn't done his job good enough if Seth is more afraid of Roman than him.

'And I don't?' comes the follow-up question, the wounded look on his face telling Seth that his mind has involuntarily taken Dean back to that night when he almost choked him to death.

'Oh, don' gemme wrong, you intimidate m'too,' he says with a full mouth. 'Ish jush that Rome ish– is this silent brooding guy. You can almost never tell what he's thinking.' He's learned in the past that their big brother usually is a very facile fellow, always ready for a joke or cheering someone up.

But there is also the other Roman. The raging, revengeful one that pummels down everything that stands in his way. Seth had been lucky enough to never be on the other side until now, always watching from a safe distance how berserk his brother can go if someone pushed the right trigger.

'You on the other hand, you wear your heart on your sleeve and I just _know_ that you won't hurt me – like _you will never take another breath again_ hurting – no matter how much you hate me.' Even when Dean's fingers had cut off his air supply, Seth never once feared for his life; he only worried about his friend.

It's not like he really believes that Roman will break him in half, but he might suffer a similar fate if he keeps on hurting their brother.

Dean stares at him, mouth slightly open, as if he can't fathom how Seth can have this blind faith in him. It'd be pretty hypocritical if he'd begged for it but didn't give it in return.

Disgust settles on his friend's face; not directed at him though, since Dean isn't even looking him in the eyes anymore. Seth much rather suspects that his brother is having a minor mental breakdown because of this.

If he had to guess, Seth would say that his willingness to lay his life and heart into Dean's hands makes his brother sick, because he can't control himself around Seth and that's dangerous – not just for the simple reason that he spills the beans in the ring but also because of his irrational actions.

Dean must be afraid of one day not being able to stop himself in the last second. But that's exactly what Seth means. He _knows_ that it will never come to this. There is no way Dean would harm him and nothing will ever convince him otherwise.

'Seth, Ro is the sweetest guy out there. He's our brother.' Which actually means: he'd never do something that shortens your career. Maybe he should explain that he's not afraid of Roman injuring him like he did Dean. It's the big brother fury he fears.

He stabs some more lettuce on his fork, making himself clear. 'But he's also your best friend and really pissed off about this whole thing. He wants to protect and avenge you and–'

Dean's tired laugh cuts him off, but what really lets him set the salad aside and crawl towards his brother is the pained hiss that supersedes the smile. His hands are ready to touch Dean but they don't get the order to. Seth isn't even sure if anyone without a medical education should do so.

'I can't believe you fear Ro's wrath more than mine. He's not out to decimate you. Though he will make it look _very_ real.' He huffs desperately, wanting to kiss the smirk off his brother's face, whimpering, 'So basically, I'm gonna die.'

Dean tries to lift his arm – probably to pat him on the head – but he can't even move it, both of them staring into each other's eyes, waiting for the other to finally address it. Or rather, Dean hoping Seth will keep his mouth shut while he silently begs his brother to admit he needs help.

Oh, fuck it. 'You look like shit. How are you?' Dean is glaring daggers at him, but he doesn't mind. They can't keep this under wraps forever. 'Yeah, don't worry. No need to sugarcoat it,' his friend answers sarcastically, waving his worries off. 'I'm okay, just a bit tired.'

Liar.

It's a bit insulting that Dean really believes he'll fall for that. He's not an idiot. Even Seth can see that Dean has lost control over his body, but he can't force his brother to go to a hospital if he doesn't want to. What he _can_ do is appeal to Dean's conscience and bother him so vehemently that he'll do it just to get away from him.

'You wanna talk about last night then?' he asks while reaching for the salad box, holding it out to Dean but naturally just gets a silent no as an answer.

'No. Why, what happened?' The question makes him drop his fork, stripes of carrots, cucumber and several grains of corn falling on the bed. Dean looks genuinely confused. Hold the phone. So that means his apology earlier wasn't meant to mock him; he really has no idea.

Which doesn't make it any better that he described his stripping attempt as _Pinocchio who just turned human and has no clue how to move his limbs_ or _pathetic yet adorable at the same time_.

'Dean, you passed out. Like, you literally lost consciousness.' His brother scoffs, the sheer idea of him getting knocked out too ridiculous for him to accept. He's been going through hell his whole life, wide awake and using pain as his anchor. He never gave into the temptation of letting it overwhelm him, needed – maybe still does – it to feel alive.

'Don't exaggerate. I fell asleep.' No, they're not playing this game right now.

'You passed out,' he repeats thickheaded. 'I even had to yell for Taker's help. For a second, I though you were dead.' Dean raises his eyebrows, tongue darting over his lips to wet them before he tips against his forehead to tell Seth what an idiot he is.

That was the first time Dean has lost consciousness and the voice of reason had been missing, so Seth sought help from the one man that came closest to that. He panicked, because he had never before heard a neck crack that loudly. He was worried, okay? If it's about Dean, Seth can't think straight.

'Alright,' Dean groans, knowing it's better to give in than have a silly argument about Seth being right. 'Then your extremely unique attempt at seducing me blew my lights out. I'm fine.' That's such utter bullshit that he can't help but call him out on it.

'Don't _I'm fine_ me. You need medical attention. Get up, I'm gonna drive you to a hospital. Should've done that Monday night.' All of this is his fault and he should finally take responsibility for his actions. Getting Dean to a doctor will be the first useful thing he's done since... well, ever.

But for some reason, Dean demurs at receiving the help he needs, stubbornly staying at his side as if he wants to make up for cutting their time alone short in the past two days.

'Why won't you be my nurse?' Okay, very funny. Dean should know better than to try and lure him into a trap like that. 'This isn't funny,' he proclaims, setting the salad aside for good. As much as he would love to do role play stuff, this is not the time to joke about Dean's condition. 'I shouldn't have dragged you along.'

There's also the possibility that Dean refuses to give Seth the impression he blames him for any of this. Which he should. And potentially already does.

'I'm okay. Just a headache,' his friend shamelessly lies him right in the face, lying down and covering himself up completely. 'And I really don't wanna be stuck in fucking no-man's-land.'

How can he play this all down when he's not even able to control his own body anymore? And it's just getting worse. Everyone they come across can see it, comments on it, but Dean is just so damn obstinate, dead set on giving Seth what he needs.

He can wait until his friend is better to have a normal date. It's not like they're under any kind of pressure. Yes, Seth had planned so much for this road trip but ever since he joined the Authority he's gotten used to his plans being foiled by fate and life alike. The time wasn't right yet.

Seth needs to stop pushing Dean and his luck, because if he keeps going on like this, he might just run out of it. 'Let me call a doctor,' he begs, knowing that it'll be the best for Dean – even if it means he'll have to leave him behind.

'I said, I'm fine,' Dean grunts, getting up like he wants to prove Seth he's still able to do a backflip. 'I just need to–' And then the inevitable happens. Because Dean being childishly stubborn usually never ends in Dean being right. His friend gets woozy the second he stands on both of his feet, tripping over them and falling right into Seth's arms.

'You're still dizzy, am I right? It's getting worse.' He's neither blind, nor stupid.

He now knows that he completely over-reacted by putting Dean's head through those cinderblocks. And all that because of a bucket of ice water. Worst brother of the year award undoubtedly goes to none other than Seth Rollins.

'I'm o–' 'Cut the crap,' he brusquely interrupts him, practically shoving Dean back down on the bed. 'I can't believe you refuse medical attention, but you can't escape me in here. I'm gonna take care of you.'

Dean grins up at him, trying to diffuse the tension. 'So you _will_ be my nurse.' This is not a joke and Dean should stop turning it into one. He's making a stab at taking care of his wounded brother and all he gets is some misplaced attempt at creating a sensual atmosphere.

Seth is not in the mood for repeating last night's fiasco. 'I'm not– oh, you know what? Fine. Mr Ambrose, lie down before I break your legs.' But a huge part of him appreciates that Dean continues to make up for his indisposition so far, even if his repertoire is limited at the moment.

'Nurse Grumpy, I'm all yours.' What a goof. His goof, he might proudly add. Some of his life choices will forever be a mystery to Seth – this one though makes him happy and that's all he needs. He pushes Dean down by the good shoulder and orders sternly, 'Just... lie down and get some sleep.'

It's never that easy with Dean, so he's not really surprised when his friend mutters in a sing-song, 'Not tired.' They both know this is yet another bullheaded lie. Dean looks like he could sleep for a thousand years and still be exhausted. But he's agreed to playing this charade, glad that his friend is at least lying in bed and not moving around to increase the damage.

'Well, well,' he answers sardonically, slipping out of his shoes and shirt, 'anything I can do for my patient then?' Dean doesn't even need a second to think about it, only wraps his fingers around Seth's wrist and pulls him down on the bed. 'Just join me.'

He doesn't tell his brother that he would've done that anyway, overjoyed that Dean wanted this all by himself. So he lies down next to him, slinging his arm over his friend's waist and, once again, resting his ear on the chest that steadily gets hairier to listen to the strong, reassuring heartbeat.

He's had this – the cuddling and open affection – before but he threw it all away. This time he won't fuck it up. At Night of Champions he will give Roman his match. He won't run away or rely on someone else's help. Seth will make sure that no one of the Authority will even think of intervening.

And once Dean decides to come back, he'll let his brother dictate the pace once and for all. In and outside the ring.

For now, Seth will take what he gets – moments like this, that he doesn't have to share with Rome. And one day, his brother will come out of his shell, finally having found his perfect moment.

Dean might need a little nudge here and there but Seth has learned on this trip that it's not helpful forcing him to accept the truth. He no longer fears that Dean will won't love him anymore as soon as Seth stops reminding him over and over again of his own feelings – he finally understood that that only alienated Dean. He should have listened to Roman telling him exactly that so many times in the past.

'I can wait,' he vows that he won't try to lure anything out of Dean before he isn't ready. There is no doubt that Dean knows what he's talking about, body going stiff right beneath him for a second, before his brother lets go, hugging him as close as possible.

'It's stupid and cheesy, but I want it to be special. Not some half-assed outburst I have in the ring before I blow your brains out.' That's good to know. He really can do without getting Curb Stomped right after Dean confesses his love. Once is enough.

He still feels the need to take some weight off of Dean's shoulders though. Who knows what his friend is waiting for anyway? 'It doesn't have to be perfect. I don't mind.' His brother huffs and Seth can feel lips giving him a kiss on the top of his dark patch.

'I do.'

Whatever happened in FCW that made Dean fall for him, he's thanking all the Gods out there for it. His life would totally suck if he'd miss out on this just one second. He's the luckiest man in the world.

The day The Shield will be back together can't come soon enough.

He doesn't even realize that he's smiling widely until his face starts hurting. He can feel a light rumbling in Dean's chest when his friend buzzes irritated, 'What?'

Seth can't stop a tiny chuckle escaping his lips and pulls the blanket over their bodies. 'Nothing,' he whispers, wiggling around a bit to get more comfortable. All in all, this trip wasn't so bad. He's now a lot wiser and sure that, whatever hardships will come, Dean, Roman and he can conquer everything.

'I just realized _again_ how blessed I am.' 'Stop that,' his brother shuts him up flustered, which makes him grin even harder.

 

**10:02 pm**

Dean falls asleep soon after promising three times – scout's honor – to go to a hospital as soon as he's back in Vegas on Saturday and being able to let goof the fear of yet another nightmare. Things have been going so smoothly these past few days that he cannot trust the peace.

But a voice inside his head reassures him that tonight will be different because Seth is there for him. He can let go of everything and bask in the safety of his friend's arms.

Up until tonight, he's never felt so secure in anyone's hug but Ro's; right now the world could end and Dean wouldn't mind. As long as he's protected by Seth nothing can get to him. Dean finally understands how powerful an embrace from _that one person_ can be.

He's wandering around in complete darkness, his right hand warm as if someone is keeping him anchored to sanity. He can't remember if they fell asleep with their fingers entwined, but he's thankful for it nonetheless.

A quiet ping echoes in the dark and Dean frowns at his smart phone – it's missing all the tiny scratches that are covering it nowadays – and his inability to properly handle it tells him he's traveled back in time in this dream.

After a few seconds of useless fumbling he's finally able to open Roman's text message.

_you owe me ten bucks_

For some reason, Dean knows exactly what he's talking about. This really isn't the start of yet another nightmare, it's the beginning of a memory. There's a door in his mind he goes through, light blinding him until his eyes get used to it.

_Roman is lying on the bed, watching tv and flipping through the channels while Seth is nowhere to be seen, but definitely to be heard._

_Dean groans and fishes a ten dollar bill out of his wallet, throwing it at his big brother who catches the sheet of paper with a smug smile. 'Told you he wouldn't be able to stomach it.'_

_He grimaces, unable to believe that Seth can't even handle some cold pizza. Like, who the hell gets sick from eating pizza? 'It has never betrayed me like that,' he mutters, for now ignoring the ajar bathroom door and Seth puking his guts out._

_Roman chuckles, stuffing away the money he won, lecturing him, 'Dean, you can get sick from anything edible. That's why it's called_ food _poisoning.'_

_There's a strangled sound coming from the adjacent room, followed by a moment of silence before Seth's thin and shaky voice pipes up. 'Could you stop talking–' He pauses a moment to retch some more. '–about food?' Dean raises his eyebrows when Seth groans in pain and flushes the toilet to drown out the vile noises he makes._

_Not that it really helps, but Dean appreciates the effort._

_'Sure thing, buddy,' he calls into the room, slipping out of his mud-covered boots. It's a bit odd that Roman is chilling on the bed while their little brother is hurting so much – especially because it was their idea to shove those cold pizza slices down his throat. Usually they're all over each other when one of them is sick._

_'So, why are you lying here, watching some late night crap instead of being in there with him?' Ro shoots him an exasperated glance, as if he can't believe Dean thinks he wouldn't like to help Seth out._

_His brother props himself up against the headrest, murmuring low enough that Seth won't hear, 'Because he threw me out three times now and I understand when I'm not welcome.'_

_That's bullshit. Why would Seth deny himself the comfort of a caring big brother? Seth is normally the first one to drive to the drugstore or organize some chicken soup, doing everything in his power to make his family feel better instantly._

_'So what?' he shoots back, shimmying out of his jeans and shirt to put on some sweatpants and a gray v-neck that is definitely not his, even though it was in his duffel, right next to his Shield mask. Since Roman doesn't seem to care that they share their clothes – he only gets a tiny nod when he turns around – Dean won't bother with changing again._

_'The last time he tossed his cookies on my feet,' Roman explains, wiggling with his naked toes. 'He clearly doesn't want me in there.' That's odd. Seth is all about unity and doing things together, even if it's something disgusting like this._

_'But we gotta do something,' he says, sitting down next to his brother, grimacing when Seth coughs violently. Roman nods, clapping him on the shoulder to make Dean look at him. 'I said, he doesn't want_ me _in there.'_

_'_ He _can still hear you,' their friend calls out, a series of groans following his statement. Dean looks back at Roman pleadingly, but his brother won't have any of it. Grinning from ear to ear, he says, 'I think the worst is already over.'_

_He rolls his eyes and toddles into the bathroom, opening the window before he stands behind Seth to braid the hair out of his hurling friend's face and sits down – back against the wall next to the toilet so he can look at his brother._

_Seth has one arm on the seat, forehead resting on it and his eyes are fixed on Dean, showing gratitude for taking care of his sweat-damp hair._

_'It's gonna be alright.' His brother squeezes his eyes shut, the free right hand covering his violently rumbling stomach. 'Doesn't feel like it,' Seth whimpers, a single tear rolling down his cheek. Wow, that pizza really fucked him up badly._

_Shaking fingers search for his and he takes them between his own, rubbing over the clammy skin with his thumb. 'You need anything? Blanket, water, a hug?' he asks, feeling useless and kind of guilty. Seth draws up his knees, body shivering before he spits out some gastric juice. Seems like the worst really is over._

_'Hot 'n cold.' Dean bends forward to touch his friend's forehead. It's not really that warm but for Seth it must feel like he's on fire. 'You also sweat like hell,' he mumbles, getting up to stick his head out of the bathroom door. He doesn't miss the small noise of protest when he lets go of Seth's hand._

_'Ro, pass me a blanket, will ya?.' Their big brother rolls out of bed to search in the cupboard for some spare bedspreads, throwing one at Dean when he hits paydirt. He walks back to his coughing friend and covers the shaking body._

_As soon as he sits down again, fingers hold on to his arm, Seth needing the touch to remind himself that he's not alone. 'Gonna die,' he croaks out, skin turning even paler. He wipes the sweat off his brother's face and lets his hand hover over Seth's cheek, torn between caressing him and just withdrawing._

_'Now, now, easy there. No joking about that,' he whispers pleadingly, surprising himself with that. The moment of weakness passes when Seth's hand cramps around his own, his brother wheezing out, 'It hurts.' No shit. It looks very painful too. But this is not the first time one of them gets sick on the road and it definitely won't be the last._

_Seth doesn't need to hear that though, so Dean finally does touch his brother's cheek. 'You're doing great, just get it all out.' The body will reject everything harmful on its own anyway, but he has always felt better when he reminded himself that it's over as soon as the cause is gone._

_That's what helped him to wrestle like nothing happened the night he accidentally drank from a bottle of dip spit._

_'I will never ever let you talk me into eating something again.' What a shame. Seth will miss out on so much delicious stuff. But seeing this mess, he kinda gets it. 'I'm sorry.'_

_Seth draws in a shaky breath, closing his eyes again. For a while he doesn't move. Seems like it's really over now and his friend finally gets a break from throwing up. Maybe he'll even be able to fall asleep, so Dean can carry him to bed, bucket close, so his friend will get some rest in a more comfortable place than the floor._

_'Stay with me,' comes the tired whisper, Seth demonstrating a great deal of strength when the grip around his fingers intensifies. As if Dean would ever leave his brother – especially in a situation like this. 'Not going anywhere,' he swears in an equally hushed tone, afraid of breaking the companionable silence._

_But Seth doesn't seem satisfied with his honest answer – and there aren't even a handful people he would give a promise like that – barely able to shake his head without it falling off his arm. 'Stay with me forever.'_

_Thank God no one is here to witness Dean's stunned expression. This is the first time Seth didn't resort to aggressive pining but flat out admitted what he wishes for. They're making progress as it seems. Took him fucking long enough. He smiles, hoping that Seth will remember this as soon as he wakes up tomorrow._

_He really doesn't want to go back to his brother thinking he has to charm Dean at all costs. For someone so smart, he's fucking stupid if it's about human relationships. There's no need to woo him – never has been, which is downright alarming. Dean is just waiting for his brother to prove he's serious about this before he opens up._

_'Dean?' Seth asks, face not only pale but also panicked because of his lack of an answer. 'I'm here, don't worry. I'm not leaving.' He's not delusional. He knows that, one day, Seth will walk away just like everybody else. But he wishes that when that day comes, their bond will be unbreakable, making it impossible for his brother to completely vanish out of his life._

_Whatever he did this time, Seth believes him, the corners of his lips moving as if he wants to smile relieved or happy, but he doesn't have enough strength left. So he breathes out an exhausted, 'Wanna sleep.'_

_'Just let go, buddy. I'll be watching over you.'_

'Do you still have your Shield mask?' he whispers in Seth's ear, heart beating like crazy in his chest. Not just because the dream showed him how his brother had begged Dean a whole lifetime ago to not give up on him, to stay by his side for the rest of eternity – probably already planning on leaving them for dead shortly afterwards.

No, Dean also remembered that there was a time they used to wear those paintball masks. He might have just discovered something here and his body itches to try it out.

Seth hums sleepily, snuggling closer to continue sleeping again. 'Here?' he asks, this time a bit louder, a childish hope making him forget the physical pain he's in. His brother buzzes an impatient _no_ and _home_ , fingers searching for Dean's mouth to cover it up so he can't talk anymore.

As if a full mouth has ever stopped Dean.

'Next time you ask for that favor, bring the mask.' There's a loud yawn, hot breath ghosting over Dean's skin, and Seth mutters tiredly, 'Who's kinky now?' The fingers on his jaw slip to the side with the next deep inhale, his brother already lost in his dreams again.

Without waking him up, Dean grabs his phone on the nightstand to text Roman. If he can't play, then he can at least be a good brother. He's thought about this ever since Seth mentioned it at the truck stop and he needs to ask Ro for that favor. No more lying, and also no more unnecessary hurting.

_You should tell him the truth. How you really feel._

To not disturb Seth's peaceful slumber he turns his phone on vibration, laying it on his right side to use his injured arm to hug his baby brother closer to his body.

Even though it's in the middle of the night, Roman answers relatively quickly, knowing exactly what he's talking about. He probably sat in his hotel room the whole time, questioning himself if he'd be able to lie into Seth's face.

_cause of the whole you are not my brother thing_

Dean has heard that more than once already, so he knows how much it stings, how it's poisoning the heart and mind alike. He has made sure to let Seth know today that he's their third missing member, but Dean has a feeling that his friend should hear that more than once and not only from him alone.

He tells Roman this while he listens to Seth breathing evenly, wondering what his brother is dreaming about. Since there's a small smile on the other's face, he's sure it can't be too bad. A minute later Ro texts him back three times, the messages showing him that they indeed vibe with each other.

_let me guess_  
you want me to tell him in the ring  
big brother style

It all started and ended in a ring. That's where they first met and Dean started to respect Seth, where their brother committed treason and blabbered about former business associates, lunatic buffoons and unrestrained but powerful idiots. It's also where Dean poured his heart out, telling him he loved him, that he was his brother.

And where he spilled his very first honest love confession.

It's only fitting when Roman takes away all hope from Seth before he tells him that he's still their little brother; that he'll always be their little brother.

_He needs to hear it._

Typically, Ro writes back a casual _i could tell him right now_ , but where's the fun in all that?

_Let him suffer a few days first. Just don't forget to tell him._

He stifles a yawn and closes his eyes, recalling being backstage at Wrestlemania, the three of them getting ready to put on their masks. Why did they stop wearing them? One of the many mysteries in his fucked up life.

They just left them in the car one day, never talking about them again. And a week or so later they disappeared completely. Dean's not even able to remember how he saved his mask from vanishing. Had they all tacitly took one home with them to never forget this little accessory?

Ro's text jolts him out of his memories, the question making him rolls his eyes.

_do i get my match at noc_

He types back a _Have I ever disappointed you?_ , thinking it's unfair that Roman makes this favor conditional on getting his hands on Seth. But then again, half the shit their baby brother did in the past three months warrants every bit of violence and vengeance Roman has to offer.

He puts the phone aside and turns his body to the side, biting on his lip to not cry out in pain, so he can hug Seth closer to his chest. There's still no light at the end of the tunnel but Dean knows they've come a long way already. Shield or not, all he cares about is having Seth back and he'll do anything to guarantee that.

Dean kisses his friend on the forehead and falls asleep with his lips still pressed to Seth's skin.


End file.
